So many enter into relationships hoping to sell the new person on the "new and improved Me" that they end up lying about who they sincerely are, exaggerate their skills, or leave out details about one's past. What's worse is comitted couples will put down exs in such a way as to make their current partners look better. Meanwhile, the lies and exaggerations of one's lover clouds vision, even common sense. Throw sex in the mix, and the niave mate doesn't see beyond whatever picture a spouse/partner is painting.
Some will use manipulative techniques when they think they might be losing some ground with the new person. Therefore, putting down an ex is one of many ways to distract a partner from the truth. Others will do this because they secretly still love, respect or admire an ex, but don't want the current person to know it.
Many individuals divorce husbands and wives or break up with boyfriends and girlfriends because they discover they have been lied to for months or even years! From white lies to lies of omission, the relationship's shaky foundation was built on nothing more than an "open communication" of lies! Oh, how some just love to talk about "how open we are with one another..." but woe to them! What is in darkness always comes to light--what better time than the start of a new year!
Couples arguing over what one has spent on this item and that one and where did unexplained money go in the joint account? Insecure women questioning men on their whereabouts and who they were talking to or texting on the phone. Angry men threatening to hurt their partners because they don't like to be questioned. Much story-telling flies out of nasty mouths, "That wasn't f^*k*ng me...I don't know about that...What the h*ll are you talking about? I love you, can't you see that!?" No, there is no love, just lust for sex, money, and power. One is protecting his or her assets in more ways than one.
These liars end up getting involved with others and so the cycle continues! Sometimes children are caught in the middle of all the silly head games. Liars will use sons and daughters to act as if their mother or father's former partner is the bad guy or gal for this reason or that one. A gullible new partner will of course pity "the poor children..." and will act as a rescuer. The ex has painted a fantasy world where he or she is either hero or villain turned hero. He or she might admit to some wrong-doing, but will downplay events as to appear like he or she is sane while everyone else is insane. "My ex was crazy...I needed to get away from my ex because...My ex did this...my ex said that and this is the reason why we aren't together" you fill in the blank. Did you really tell the truth about everything?
The reality is an ex is a flawed human being, just like you, and one should look at his or her own lifestyle before judging others. No matter how bad that person might have been, just be grateful you are free and do your best in your current relationship so that it won't end in disaster too. Consider what you have to deal with in your new relationship; rather than focus on an old one--there is always something you will have to tolerate with any man or woman if you want it to work.
Everyone has issues, some more than others, but how we handle those issues are left up to each one of us. You can only get a way with a lie or many lies before you are found out. Some have had their partner's backgrounds pulled, social networking sites scoped, and even connections interviewed only to find out that The One, who they are so-called madly in love with, is nothing more than a liar and a cheat.
We all must be mindful of reacting to exes as if they are bad people who are out to hurt their former lovers. Chances are the person with us might have hurt the ex back in some way or may have started much of the drama with a roaming eye, secrets, and of course lies! Exs are like lighthouses they shine on murky waters--they expose liars. But ignorant people, don't value good resources. Brainwashed individuals don't see truth. There isn't something so special about any one of us that makes all others terrible people even if the liar convinces you that "You are the best...you are wonderful...you are so great!" Although it is nice to be complimented and praised for one thing or another, we must realize that the man or woman with many words of flattery can be heartless, selfish, cruel, and arrogant. There is a good reason why he or she is an ex.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself
Rant: Unreasonable Single Mothers - Dating Women with Children
Sometimes dating single moms just isn't wise for one who has no children. A person who is unwilling to make compromises, help with children, share money, time, etc. should avoid dating a woman with children. Dating single mothers is something that works well with others who may have children. Now there are those exceptions when a single man or woman has a high tolerance for a date with children. One should always test his or her to see if this person is really right for not only self, but family too. It is obvious that the young man speaking in this video, bit off more than he could chew. Motherhood isn't always a nice experience, and sometimes a frustrated mom will lash out on a man who she may not respect, because, in her eyes, he has child-like ways. She seeks a provider, not another person she might have to help apart from her children. Remember, children come with the package, so if you can't handle it, move on.
Are You Chemically Compatible?
While many choose to focus on whether interests are compatible, there is also something else you might want to consider as you discover more about your date, are you compatible chemically? Sometimes are bodies just sense that something just isn't right with a potential mate, heed the warning.
Future Relationship Challenges Revealed During the Courtship
You can predict what a future will be like with the person you are dating simply by listening to what he or she says about personal interests, family relations, work partnerships, eating habits, and more!
Most dates will not tell of their weaknesses, you have to figure those out for yourself. However, there is a lot said in a joke, a quick retort, a roll of the eyes, or a deep sigh when you bring up sensitive subject matter.
The problem with many individuals who date is that they fear bringing up controversial issues because they think the person will no longer want to go out with them. Being "the trouble-maker" so to speak is actually a good thing, because you can cut your losses early if the date doesn't pass your tests. Remember, you are considering a future with someone who might be possibly impact the rest of your life!
Think of the many couples that started off happy, but are now miserable around you. Consider the many individuals who rush to get married only to fantasize about getting a divorce with every dispute that arises between the two.
Study your date like you do a textbook. What are some signs that simply say, "The future just won't be too bright with this one!"
1. "I am a big fan of...I love watching sporting events, reality shows...just about everything there is to watch on TV!" You know that if you aren't a big fan of the television, you most likely will run into issues in the future with him about it. For instance, the house needs to be cleaned, babies need to be fed, and errands need to be ran, and the TV lover prefers to sit on his behind all day!
2. "I love my family! We are so close. I wouldn't even think about moving to another state!" This is a definite deal breaker for the one who loves traveling, doesn't mind relocating and isn't that close to his family. Also, keep in mind, people who have close knit family ties will get parental input on just about every matter in their lives. Independent, free thinking, "I couldn't care less about family" types might want to keep away.
3. "I have many female friends and we all get along. I help them out." When a guy says this most likely someone or a group have seen him naked and feelings still exist between the two, three, or four more. If you have a problem with a man having female friends, he isn't going to get rid of them because of you; rather he will keep his female connections a secret or won't mention them until you see a name or two pop up on his cell phone or see photographs on his computer.
4. "I have a lot of guy friends, we hang out...we are the best of buddies." When a woman says this she may not have had sex with any of them, but if you screw up, one just might be in her future. If you are a man who can't stomach the fact that your girl has a lot of guy friends, you will have arguments about them in the future especially if she parties with them!
5. "I was in jail..." Use discretion as advised depending on the offense and how long he or she had been in will determine whether service in jail will impact your courtship/relationship. Unfortunately, there are those individuals who may have went in the jail straight, but came out a different way along with a disease or two.
6. "I had been sick in the past, missed work, my partner broke up with me..." Some people don't come out and say that illness is sometimes associated with recurrent sexually transmitted diseases and relationship break up. A incurable disease will affect your future especially when you can't have sex because the person has a long outbreak.
7. "I don't have friends." Now why might that be? What are the chances that this person might do or say something that will end your friendship too. Be cautious of people who have no contacts outside of yourself.
When you hear statements like these, think twice about being the Good Samaritan who wants to save the troubled guy or gal. You don't know what all is connected to this person that caused them to have so much hardship in life, have a strong connection to family and church, have a history of breakups including divorces, or why they can't keep a job for long. Think about all of these things before you commit to them physically, mentally and spiritually.
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Most dates will not tell of their weaknesses, you have to figure those out for yourself. However, there is a lot said in a joke, a quick retort, a roll of the eyes, or a deep sigh when you bring up sensitive subject matter.
The problem with many individuals who date is that they fear bringing up controversial issues because they think the person will no longer want to go out with them. Being "the trouble-maker" so to speak is actually a good thing, because you can cut your losses early if the date doesn't pass your tests. Remember, you are considering a future with someone who might be possibly impact the rest of your life!
Think of the many couples that started off happy, but are now miserable around you. Consider the many individuals who rush to get married only to fantasize about getting a divorce with every dispute that arises between the two.
Study your date like you do a textbook. What are some signs that simply say, "The future just won't be too bright with this one!"
1. "I am a big fan of...I love watching sporting events, reality shows...just about everything there is to watch on TV!" You know that if you aren't a big fan of the television, you most likely will run into issues in the future with him about it. For instance, the house needs to be cleaned, babies need to be fed, and errands need to be ran, and the TV lover prefers to sit on his behind all day!
2. "I love my family! We are so close. I wouldn't even think about moving to another state!" This is a definite deal breaker for the one who loves traveling, doesn't mind relocating and isn't that close to his family. Also, keep in mind, people who have close knit family ties will get parental input on just about every matter in their lives. Independent, free thinking, "I couldn't care less about family" types might want to keep away.
3. "I have many female friends and we all get along. I help them out." When a guy says this most likely someone or a group have seen him naked and feelings still exist between the two, three, or four more. If you have a problem with a man having female friends, he isn't going to get rid of them because of you; rather he will keep his female connections a secret or won't mention them until you see a name or two pop up on his cell phone or see photographs on his computer.
4. "I have a lot of guy friends, we hang out...we are the best of buddies." When a woman says this she may not have had sex with any of them, but if you screw up, one just might be in her future. If you are a man who can't stomach the fact that your girl has a lot of guy friends, you will have arguments about them in the future especially if she parties with them!
5. "I was in jail..." Use discretion as advised depending on the offense and how long he or she had been in will determine whether service in jail will impact your courtship/relationship. Unfortunately, there are those individuals who may have went in the jail straight, but came out a different way along with a disease or two.
6. "I had been sick in the past, missed work, my partner broke up with me..." Some people don't come out and say that illness is sometimes associated with recurrent sexually transmitted diseases and relationship break up. A incurable disease will affect your future especially when you can't have sex because the person has a long outbreak.
7. "I don't have friends." Now why might that be? What are the chances that this person might do or say something that will end your friendship too. Be cautious of people who have no contacts outside of yourself.
When you hear statements like these, think twice about being the Good Samaritan who wants to save the troubled guy or gal. You don't know what all is connected to this person that caused them to have so much hardship in life, have a strong connection to family and church, have a history of breakups including divorces, or why they can't keep a job for long. Think about all of these things before you commit to them physically, mentally and spiritually.
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Relationship Blues: Dating Issues, Couple Challenges will Come
From forgetting to do something that a partner was expecting you would get done to disciplining children who tend to cause more problems than solutions depending on the season, relationship conflict will happen. More money, more children, more things, more family, more friends, more activities, more work hours, more of anything, and one day a lover, who didn't normally have an issue with one's partner, will! Less truly is best if it is an interference in your relating to one another in a positive way!
Being in an intimate relationship will not always be "nice, understanding, better than those other people, or anything else," you thought it might be. Selecting a mate can be like buying a car, chances are you're dating, engaged or married to a lemon, someone's reject from yesteryear--a real problem! Sounds harsh? Well, it's true. Why do so many singles deceive themselves into thinking that every new face will always be The One--the answer to one's problems? A new romance will have its share of new challenges, the ones you see and the ones you don't.
Jimmy cheated on his last girlfriend for many reasons and it wasn't just because he had an itch in his pants. Tina was rejected by boyfriend after boyfriend because of something she did, but she won't say. Bob can't seem to keep a girlfriend, a wife or even a female friend because of one thing or another. Jimmy, Tina, and Bob may tell family and friends, "I am no longer with XYZ because..." and their reasons might sound heart-wrenching, but the truth is there was a lot more going on than their telling. So along comes their new love interests and they don't have a clue what mess they are inheriting. You see this mere example, just might be a wake-up call for some who have come to a point in a relationship where you are tired of "trying to make it work." Keep reading.
Think twice before talking negatively yet again about a lover's ex or exes, use caution when siding with "Honey," and don't be so quick to defend one's lover in a quarrel with someone else just because he or she made you feel good last night. At times, relationship blues shows up because people either see far too much or far too little of one another. Then when they are in the presence of one another communication lacks substance, people aren't honest with feelings, and priority issues end up being placed on the back-burner because the troubled lover doesn't feel like bringing up the truth for fear it will cause an argument. In time, resentment and bitterness begins to grow along with a cold heart and before long, a mate is hoping, wishing and praying to rid his or herself of all the drama!
When you find yourself almost obsessing over getting away from someone and out of a commitment to him or her, it's time to move on! But if you know that the issues are new and haven't been around that long, you might want to stick it out if they don't involve physical violence, cheating and other very serious issues. Relationship blues is typically a temporary thing, like a partner having a PMS moment, it comes and goes. Take a break from one another, direct your attention to something that is healthy and beneficial to you, and when it's time, come together being positive and forgiving. Tell yourself, "This too shall pass." (taken from the Holy Scriptures) then work on you!
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love Myself, see YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
Being in an intimate relationship will not always be "nice, understanding, better than those other people, or anything else," you thought it might be. Selecting a mate can be like buying a car, chances are you're dating, engaged or married to a lemon, someone's reject from yesteryear--a real problem! Sounds harsh? Well, it's true. Why do so many singles deceive themselves into thinking that every new face will always be The One--the answer to one's problems? A new romance will have its share of new challenges, the ones you see and the ones you don't.
Jimmy cheated on his last girlfriend for many reasons and it wasn't just because he had an itch in his pants. Tina was rejected by boyfriend after boyfriend because of something she did, but she won't say. Bob can't seem to keep a girlfriend, a wife or even a female friend because of one thing or another. Jimmy, Tina, and Bob may tell family and friends, "I am no longer with XYZ because..." and their reasons might sound heart-wrenching, but the truth is there was a lot more going on than their telling. So along comes their new love interests and they don't have a clue what mess they are inheriting. You see this mere example, just might be a wake-up call for some who have come to a point in a relationship where you are tired of "trying to make it work." Keep reading.
Think twice before talking negatively yet again about a lover's ex or exes, use caution when siding with "Honey," and don't be so quick to defend one's lover in a quarrel with someone else just because he or she made you feel good last night. At times, relationship blues shows up because people either see far too much or far too little of one another. Then when they are in the presence of one another communication lacks substance, people aren't honest with feelings, and priority issues end up being placed on the back-burner because the troubled lover doesn't feel like bringing up the truth for fear it will cause an argument. In time, resentment and bitterness begins to grow along with a cold heart and before long, a mate is hoping, wishing and praying to rid his or herself of all the drama!
When you find yourself almost obsessing over getting away from someone and out of a commitment to him or her, it's time to move on! But if you know that the issues are new and haven't been around that long, you might want to stick it out if they don't involve physical violence, cheating and other very serious issues. Relationship blues is typically a temporary thing, like a partner having a PMS moment, it comes and goes. Take a break from one another, direct your attention to something that is healthy and beneficial to you, and when it's time, come together being positive and forgiving. Tell yourself, "This too shall pass." (taken from the Holy Scriptures) then work on you!
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love Myself, see YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
Multiple Personality Disorders from a Spiritual Perspective...Learn more.
The last thing you think about when you are dating is meeting someone with a personality disorder. Beware. If you know you don't have the patience to deal with someone's "issues", get out while you can. Avoid the temptation to save the damsel in distress or the poor, lonely guy.
Saying "I Love You" on the Internet to Strangers
What is it about the Internet that makes Internet surfers say things like, "I love you" without knowing, better yet, even meeting the one reading the note on the other end? He or she may have sent email back and forth for awhile and even promised to meet a love interest in person, but is such a relationship truly about love or is it more a lust for adventure? One whose life is routine, mundane and in need of a spark is tempted by the world wide web of possibilities even if they really don't love him or her.
There is something exciting about getting to know someone in a way that is still very new to our society still. You may have seen romantic movies in the past that made Internet love look and feel so romantic. But is it really? Let's face it, when you really think about it, it is quite strange, even a little scary, to frequently chat with a stranger online only to allow one's emotions to get the best of him or her, and before long sit in the presence of the stranger only to realize you really don't know that guy or gal on the picture you used as wall paper for your computer screen.
"I love you..." sure. Some people use this phrase to get a person to pay more attention to them online. The chatting keeps going, some will even continue to send money and gifts to the stranger, while making plans to meet yet again. "I think you are great...I really love your smile...You are special...I hope to make you my wife/my husband one day xoxoxo" These phrases look good on your computer screen don't they? But do you really know whether the one writing them really is into you as much as he or she claims.
People allow an invention that is quick with information and used to help many escape reality to guide them in their personal lives. They treat their relationships like they do the Internet, input information and expect results. Buy a product, expect it to be shipped. Tell someone you love them, and expect him or her to show up one's doorstep ready to please. There is just far too much expected from the Internet, but where does one draw the line?
As much as it is tempting to spill one's guts online, keep some things to yourself until you meet a loved one or friend in person. Quality relationships will always be in need of those special moments where you can sit comfortably next to the person and truly tell him or her how you feel--something that the Internet can never give you!
Nicholl McGuire
There is something exciting about getting to know someone in a way that is still very new to our society still. You may have seen romantic movies in the past that made Internet love look and feel so romantic. But is it really? Let's face it, when you really think about it, it is quite strange, even a little scary, to frequently chat with a stranger online only to allow one's emotions to get the best of him or her, and before long sit in the presence of the stranger only to realize you really don't know that guy or gal on the picture you used as wall paper for your computer screen.
"I love you..." sure. Some people use this phrase to get a person to pay more attention to them online. The chatting keeps going, some will even continue to send money and gifts to the stranger, while making plans to meet yet again. "I think you are great...I really love your smile...You are special...I hope to make you my wife/my husband one day xoxoxo" These phrases look good on your computer screen don't they? But do you really know whether the one writing them really is into you as much as he or she claims.
People allow an invention that is quick with information and used to help many escape reality to guide them in their personal lives. They treat their relationships like they do the Internet, input information and expect results. Buy a product, expect it to be shipped. Tell someone you love them, and expect him or her to show up one's doorstep ready to please. There is just far too much expected from the Internet, but where does one draw the line?
As much as it is tempting to spill one's guts online, keep some things to yourself until you meet a loved one or friend in person. Quality relationships will always be in need of those special moments where you can sit comfortably next to the person and truly tell him or her how you feel--something that the Internet can never give you!
Nicholl McGuire
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So you haven’t been in a relationship that long and you are already being accused of cheating when you know you haven’t. Chances are you ar...
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Ever find yourself dating the same type of person over and over, only to end up frustrated, heartbroken, or completely drained? Maybe you’ve...
She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?