Lying About the Ex to Cover Up the Truth About Self

So many enter into relationships hoping to sell the new person on the "new and improved Me" that they end up lying about who they sincerely are, exaggerate their skills, or leave out details about one's past.  What's worse is comitted couples will put down exs in such a way as to make their current partners look better.  Meanwhile, the lies and exaggerations of one's lover clouds vision, even common sense.  Throw sex in the mix, and the niave mate doesn't see beyond whatever picture a spouse/partner is painting. 

Some will use manipulative techniques when they think they might be losing some ground with the new person.  Therefore, putting down an ex is one of many ways to distract a partner from the truth.  Others will do this because they secretly still love, respect or admire an ex, but don't want the current person to know it.

Many individuals divorce husbands and wives or break up with boyfriends and girlfriends because they discover they have been lied to for months or even years!  From white lies to lies of omission, the relationship's shaky foundation was built on nothing more than an "open communication" of lies!  Oh, how some just love to talk about "how open we are with one another..." but woe to them!  What is in darkness always comes to light--what better time than the start of a new year!

Couples arguing over what one has spent on this item and that one and where did unexplained money go in the joint account?  Insecure women questioning men on their whereabouts and who they were talking to or texting on the phone.  Angry men threatening to hurt their partners because they don't like to be questioned.  Much story-telling flies out of nasty mouths, "That wasn't f^*k*ng me...I don't know about that...What the h*ll are you talking about?  I love you, can't you see that!?"  No, there is no love, just lust for sex, money, and power.  One is protecting his or her assets in more ways than one.     

These liars end up getting involved with others and so the cycle continues!  Sometimes children are caught in the middle of all the silly head games.  Liars will use sons and daughters to act as if their mother or father's former partner is the bad guy or gal for this reason or that one.  A gullible new partner will of course pity "the poor children..." and will act as a rescuer.  The ex has painted a fantasy world where he or she is either hero or villain turned hero.  He or she might admit to some wrong-doing, but will downplay events as to appear like he or she is sane while everyone else is insane.  "My ex was crazy...I needed to get away from my ex because...My ex did this...my ex said that and this is the reason why we aren't together" you fill in the blank.  Did you really tell the truth about everything

The reality is an ex is a flawed human being, just like you, and one should look at his or her own lifestyle before judging others.  No matter how bad that person might have been, just be grateful you are free and do your best in your current relationship so that it won't end in disaster too.  Consider what you have to deal with in your new relationship; rather than focus on an old one--there is always something you will have to tolerate with any man or woman if you want it to work.

Everyone has issues, some more than others, but how we handle those issues are left up to each one of us.  You can only get a way with a lie or many lies before you are found out.  Some have had their partner's backgrounds pulled, social networking sites scoped, and even connections interviewed only to find out that The One, who they are so-called madly in love with, is nothing more than a liar and a cheat.

We all must be mindful of reacting to exes as if they are bad people who are out to hurt their former lovers.  Chances are the person with us might have hurt the ex back in some way or may have started much of the drama with a roaming eye, secrets, and of course lies!  Exs are like lighthouses they shine on murky waters--they expose liars.  But ignorant people, don't value good resources.  Brainwashed individuals don't see truth.  There isn't something so special about any one of us that makes all others terrible people even if the liar convinces you that "You are the best...you are wonderful...you are so great!"  Although it is nice to be complimented and praised for one thing or another, we must realize that the man or woman with many words of flattery can be heartless, selfish, cruel, and arrogant.  There is a good reason why he or she is an ex. 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself

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