Job Loss Affects Relationships

No money + no intimacy = DRAMA!

One might think that things are still the same within one's mind, body and spirit after a job loss, but quite the contrary.  People change when they make a substantial income and people change when they lose it!

There are side effects that some couples might experience as a result of one or both having no steady income, but a savings to live on and whatever other money they can get elsewhere.

1.  Irritability.

Becoming angry over the littlest of things, one or both begin to dispute over some minor things.  They may act out in public such as ridiculing the other, saying things they don't mean, and treating each other rudely like ignoring a partner when he or she is trying to communicate a thought.  Money is on the mind and the mind is on the money!

2.  Fluctuating sex drive.

Today a mate might want sex and then a drought season occurs where there is no sex.  Then a period of having sex followed by another drought.  Meanwhile, one or both are asking, "What the h#ll happened to us?"  Hell had something to do with it, all right!  For some couples they burned right through their money and now they are burning right through their relationships!

3.  Temptation to find happiness elsewhere.

Other couples appear to be happier and have it together in the eyes of the penniless couple.  But what they fail to remember is that just because someone looks happy doesn't necessarily mean that they are.  Yet, these couples will allow eyes to wander elsewhere while hoping to forget about a temporal setback.  Remember it's temporary!  Why ruin your relationship for an emotional or physical release with someone who most likely will be another burden sooner or later?

4.  Alcohol, smoking, and other habits increase.

Not everyone runs to the church or to a counselor when in trouble even though a good-hearted soul might try to guide a stressed out couple to some help; rather, some will increase their eating habits, alcohol and drug consumption.  The more one indulges in self-destructive habits, the more miserable they become resulting in all sorts of mayhem in the future.

5.  Children, bills, relatives and other challenges seem bigger than what they are.

If couples are unhappy with their financial business, the frustration usually falls on everyone and everything else.

If you or someone you know might be experiencing a myriad of emotions from insecure feelings to rage regarding the relationship and other people and things connected to it, take some time out for yourself.  Think about how you might solve your money issues before they get the best of you and everyone you love!

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

How to Know Whether a Date Wants You for More than Sex

Sometimes one must turn back the bedroom covers for awhile and really have that long talk with self.  No one wants to be used and abused, yet so many women and men allow this sort of thing to happen for any number of reasons.  Manipulators take advantage of the weak-minded who talk negatively about themselves.  They pretend as if they care so much about their sex partners, when in fact all that want is to experience a sexual release over and over again until they get weary of the body who once gave them so much pleasure.

You can prevent yourself from having much emotional turmoil in the future, if you can view your relationship like one who is looking on the outside in.  Do you really want to be just another lover or do you want something more?  Whatever more is, it should be something that benefits not only your physical needs, but your emotional and spiritual well-being.  Take a moment to self-evaluate.

1.  Does he take interest in other areas of your life?

2.  Does she mention talking about you to others?

3.  Does this person make plans to see more of you outside of the bedroom?

4.  When you are in need of financial assistance, help around your residence, or something from the store, does he or she make his or her self available or do you have to be always there for him or her?

5.  Do you have interesting conversations that include an exchange of personal thoughts and feelings?

6.  When you are together, do you feel like this person sincerely wants you around for a long time?

Once you have determined where your mind, body and spirit stands with your lover, start planning to discuss your needs and what your hopes are for the future with this individual, if he or she acts uninterested or gives you a hard time about what you are discussing, start thinking about a future without him or her.

Nicholl McGuire
 

Dating Tips and Break Up Advice for Those Dating Emotionally Abusive People

Break Up Tips When Dating Someone Emotionally Abusive by YouTuber FYPNLP

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Early Signs Your Date is Emotionally Abusive by Nicholl McGuire

When first dating, pay attention to the way your date looks when you speak positively to the opposite sex.  Does he or she eye roll, deep sigh, look angry, or make you feel uncomfortable for speaking to that person?

Pay attention when your date makes subtle or harsh comments about your personal beliefs, the people around you, or stories you tell.  Does he or she act judgmental?  Does this person make negative comments about your lifestyle, faith, or those you know despite not knowing all the details?

If you find yourself being critical about you, moreso than you have ever done before, when in this person's presence, that is a clear indication that your date's jokes/comments/criticisms are starting to influence you, not for the better but for the worse!  (Save yourself some future grief, get out while you can!)

What you might think is simply a debate about political, social, religious, or family issues with an emotionally abusive person are really red alert signs that this person enjoys playing mind games.  He or she might insult you by saying things about your mind, body or spirit to the point that it sends you in the next room crying or ready to punch a wall.

Fear will drive you to stay with a person for days, weeks, even years!  Fear of the ramifications of rejecting this person, fear of having to take on financial obligations by yourself, fear of becoming pregnant or getting one pregnant, disease, etc.  All of these fears will put you on a path with someone who has been emotionally abused and will abuse others.  It doesn't matter skin tone, social class, or intellect, anyone can be susceptible to an emotional abuser.

Don't dismiss your doubts, questions, or feelings about your date.  Don't talk yourself into continuing to date someone like this.  List the pros and the cons of being with this person.  Even if the pros outweigh the cons, still take heed to your innermost feelings.  Avoid believing in your date's sales pitch in an effort to keep you coming back to him or her.  Distract yourself with other people, places and things so as not to be involved with an emotional abuser.  Many abusive people are nice-looking, but their hearts are poisonous.  Withdraw from the emotionally abusive individual by staying busy--don't allow idle time to send you back into his or her arms!

11 Signs You're Dating A Boy (Not A Man)

Don't Settle for the Fool When Dating

Have you ever been out on a date with someone who makes you laugh so much that you feel like you have to go to the bathroom?  Have you ever dated someone who is always doing something that arises a shock, a laugh, or something inside you that keeps you entertained at least for awhile until their behavior annoys you?  Well, if you have been with someone similar to what has been mentioned, then you know that the good times with this sort of person don't last for long.

This blog entry is a warning to those young women and men who are attracted to foolish people.  Those of us who have much dating experience will tell you that the barrel of laughs will come to an end sooner or later.  Hopefully, sooner so that some of you don't have your lives negatively impacted as a result of dating fools.

So how do you know you are dating a foolish person who has more going on than just a crazy sense of humor?

1.  He frivolously spends money on things he can't afford.

2.  She looks to you to solve any problem that you know she should be able to solve herself.

3.  When he or she isn't making you laugh, this person is making you scream/yell/threaten him or her.

4.  You oftentimes feel uncomfortable in this person's presence.  You find yourself praying that he or she doesn't say or do anything foolish in the public.

5.  You discover behind all the laughs is a deeply troubled individual who lacks common sense.  You feel as if you have to take care of the person even though you know you shouldn't, because he or she is supposed to be a responsible adult.

6.  The foolish person's shocking behavior has repeatedly gotten him/her in trouble or possibly you.

When you notice these signs and more, there is a good possibility that to stay in a relationship with a fool will cause much sorrow, money, and time wasted having to get him or her out of trouble.  Protect your heart and your wallet!

Nicholl McGuire

Possessed Before Obsessed

You have witnessed the interviews of lovers who were caught in murder triangles, stalkers, and jealous spouses in media.  There is a lot said when you look at their troubled eyes.  Some cold, as if staring right through the interviewer.  Others appear to be lost in a world of confusion and rage.  The mind may have come back temporarily, enough to tell one's story, but when triggered it all comes back again through the eyes!  The killer blames the victim or pretends to be remorseful, those left behind take no responsibility for actions or in-actions to protect one's relative/friend, and the victim is left six feet deep without a story to tell.

When one is involved in an intense relationship, deep with passion and mystery or wild and volatile, a possession of sorts takes place.  One is overcome with emotion, so much in fact, that irregardless of the couple being a mismatch or burdened with past baggage, he or she feels the need to do whatever whenever to keep a relationship alive that simply wasn't meant to be.  Obsessed with not failing, a need to win at something, the lover is hooked to his or her partner like a drug addict to his or her stash.  "I need my next fix..."

Before obsession ever took root in the relationship, there was a possession of one's mind, body and spirit by his or her lover.  Some just have that X Factor.  They know how to charm, seduce, and catch you when you are weak.  It starts with being attentive, a warm smile, an appreciation for your beauty/talent/skills, and then those eyes, they stare as if hypnotised by you.  They draw you in, you think, "No one has ever treated me this way...I have never felt like this before, what is it about him/her?"  Meanwhile, you later learn he or she is nothing more than trouble--a good actor or actress that knows how to lure his or her victims into arms, bed, while draining one's spirit and possibly bank account.  Call her a black widow and him a snake! 

Spirits are real!  Many of them take over and before long, you are losing all control, doing things you thought you would never do for good and for evil just to stay in the miserable relationship that keeps you lying, guessing, obsessing, and dancing to the beat of your lover's drum.  You have permitted one to permeate your body in more ways than one; therefore allowing the spirits to enter and take over.  It's as if the manipulative mate has casted a spell over you.  Filled with much evil, he or she looks to dispense some of that pent up frustration, anger, bitterness, jealousy--typically experienced with someone else--on you in a way that looks and feels right until it all becomes exposed like a person wearing a mask on Halloween.  "Surprise!  I am not what you thought..." says the beauty queen or the handsome man of her dreams. 

Think about the people that pass you by everyday for a moment, many are possessed by someone or something and many more are obsessed with the one that claims to love them the most.  If these individuals aren't too careful, their worlds will come crashing down, because humans are flawed--their selfish, envious, unreliable, and deceptive when they aren't walking uprightly--they will stop at nothing to get their way when in love or in lust.

Love will not kill, steal or destroy your mind, body and spirit.  But lust will!  It will possess, then move you to obsess and later put you on a path to self-destruct.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.  See blog here.

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