Date How Long Before Getting Engaged?

Dating to engagement should take minimum of one year because the real question is: how long does it takes to develop the type of friendship that leads to long-lasting marriage. That's crucially important because best marriages are based on being best friends and it takes 'time' to develop as best friends.

How long that takes depends upon how well you and your prospective mate have mastered Communication Intimacy. That is communication at its deepest level. That's the goal of marriage-to work together in union as one team. This unity of heart, soul and spirit bonds couples as soul mates.

A soul mate is someone who has the unique ability to bring out the best in us. The chemistry ignited between partners turns their souls on physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The only way this can be accomplished is by "knowing" each other's inner workings that bond with ours in shared outlook and purpose. Does your prospective partner bring out the best in you?

You've heard it said often, communication is the key to a good relationship. Communication is what it's all about. This communication probes for compatibility assessing how to handle differences, how to manage disagreements.

It scrutinizes likes, dislikes, habits, thinking on politics, religion, health, future parenting, financial matters, career expectations, housework, conflict resolution, vacation time preferences, responsibilities toward parents, anger, jealousy, insecurities, neediness and so forth. This requires effort, maturity and TIME!

If the potential for lifetime love is there, couples begin to talk about their deepest thoughts, feelings, dreams, fears and joy. This is where you discover if both are similarly endowed intellectually. Doesn't necessarily mean education because some very smart people never make it to college, but it means a couple needs to be in the same league intellectually.

Couples need to see things similarly and speak about them in similar ways. It doesn't always matter so much how smart the partners are, but it does matter how close they are intellectually.

Another area of deep concern is that couples need to agree upon the same values--Especially how to handle MONEY. You must be on the same page because money and finances are emotional issues. Often our self-worth is tied to how much or how little money we make. This could erupt into power and control issues.

Individual have different money histories and styles that they bring into the relationship-one may be a BIG spender; the other a penny pincher. If money issues are not clearly laid out on the table, problems will surface later and trust in the relationship can erode.

Couples need to communicate on a monthly basis about their financial status. If there are major problems you need to seek financial counseling BEFORE entering into marriage with each other.

So how long should you date before getting engaged? Depends on how long it takes to get to know each other in the two areas mentioned above. And how long it takes to master 5 other steps in the dating process.

So take your time to develop a deep friendship first, and date at least a year or two before getting engaged for marriage.

By Donna Patterson

Communication is Always the Key to Good Relationships

Learning to communicate is not easy and even people who have been married for decades will sometimes need to enlist the help of a marriage therapist to help them learn how to better communicate with each other. There is no shame in hiring a counselor to help you. After all, communication is always the key to good relationships.
Many people have been taught that the best way to deal with a problem is to simply wait for the problem to go away or to ignore it. Both men and women will admit that they sometimes deal with conflicts by pushing down their emotions instead of confronting them.
While conflict might seem like something best avoided, the truth is that conflict must be dealt with. If conflict is left unresolved, it will simply fester and grow. The key to dealing with conflict, as any trained counselor will tell you, is knowing how to properly communicate with each other to work through a problem. Here are some hints:
1. Use "I" statements. Instead of telling your husband or wife all of the things that they are doing that make you angry or upset, tell your husband or wife how you are feeling. For example, say "I feel taken for granted when the cleaning is left for me," instead of "you never throw away your trash!" The first way tells your partner how you are feeling. The second way blames your partner for your feelings. Nobody likes to be blamed for things.
2. Ask clarifying questions. If your husband or wife says something that you do not understand, ask them to clarify their statements. Instead of saying "that doesn't make any sense at all!" try "I don't understand what you mean by that. Could you give me an example" or say "so are you saying that..." and insert your interpretation of his or her words.
3. Don't automatically assume that you understand exactly what is going on inside your partner's brain. Your marriage therapist will work with you to keep you from telling the other person what they are thinking or feeling "you always think that" or "you always feel" are not good examples of good communication. Instead ask "do you feel" or "do you think that" and allow your partner to answer the question!
4. Open ended questions are vital to good communication. If you ask a question that can be answered in a yes or a no, you give your spouse the opportunity to shut down and shut you out. Asking questions that need real answers will help you get the conversational ball rolling.
A marriage therapist will help you work on non confrontational communication that will help you resolve conflicts faster and in ways that make both of you feel better about the problems that you have been facing.

By Anna Woodward
By seeking the help of a marriage therapist, you can address the various problems and concerns of your marital life and ensure that you find marital bliss soon. 

What to Do When You Have a Cheating Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Whenever you find out that your guy/girl whom you may care about deeply and even love, is cheating on you it can be devastating. You may feel betrayed, inadequate, and left wondering why this happened to you. You will wonder what did you ever do to deserve such maltreatment, and you may become enraged. However, even though this may seem like the end of the world, keep calm and follow these simple steps. If you follow these steps, you will recover, heal and move on in due time.

1. Confront your man/women after you have had time to calm down - Yes, I know this will be incredibly hard to do if you are upset, but when you are emotional and out for blood, you will never get him to answer your questions. Furthermore, it will just make you more upset and it will emotionally drain you. Calm down, let the initial shock wears off, and then confront the cheating boyfriend/girlfriend.
2. Do not blame yourself for his actions - I know how difficult this will be even if you are upset, as women, we tend to wonder what we did, if anything, to cause him to act that way. In this case however, there is no excuse for a boyfriend to cheat on you.
3. Do not rationalize his behavior - The mother instinct in women tends to make them want to find out what is wrong with their man, and fix the problem by any means necessary. However, your boyfriend/girlfriend has just cheated, so there is no reason for you to give him excuses for his poor behavior.
4. Take time for yourself if you need to - Some women do need to take time after finding out a boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating to get back in touch with who they are, and more importantly what they want from a man. If you are clear on your goals and expectations, and do not settle, you will eventually find the right man that is worth your time, love, and dedication.
5. Do not take him/her back no matter how much he begs - This is sometimes hard to do, especially when a boyfriend found cheating apologizes and promises to never do it again. Now, in some cases he really is a changed man, but perhaps more importantly you should look at how you will feel if you take him back. Will you feel like you are settling? Will you feel like you are saying it was okay to do? Think about these things before you look into his sad puppy dog eyes and decide to take him back.
6. Do not mope, get back out there and have some fun - Be social, yes you have just had to deal with a boyfriend cheating, but if you have followed the steps above, you will be ready to move on from the situation and be social in the single life once again. Get your hair done; treat yourself to a new pair of shoes. Do whatever it takes to help you get over that cheating boyfriend as soon as possible!

By Dillon J

Why Do Women Cheat on Their Men? - Here Are 3 Reasons You Should Know!

We usually hear the question why do men cheat on their women, but statistics are showing that women are cheating at a much higher rate than in years past. Is this really so or is the stats just catching up to what has been going on all along? So what are some reasons that may be causing women to cheat on their men?

There is probably no exact reason for why men or women are cheating but in recent surveys several issues were brought up as to why women were cheating.

· Unfulfilled at Home - Just like men, women have certain sexual desires that they expect to be met as well. For the men that are concerned with just getting off, they better beware. While their woman may not be openly expressing her dissatisfaction with him, she may be on the prowl for the Don Juan that can fulfill her every desire.

· To End a Relationship - For certain women, it is hard for them to emotionally break off a relationship so by sleeping with someone else it allows them to emotionally disconnect. Once this is done, they are now able to end their stale relationship.

· To Feel Young Again - As a woman get up there in age, she will sometimes get self conscience about her appearance a and will sometimes seek out an affair with a hot lover to get some kind of validation of her beauty.

As mentioned above, it is usually men that are typecast as a cheater, but as I also mentioned is that women are just as likely to cheat in today's society.

The main thing you should get from this article is that if you don't mind your relationship, someone will. Take the time to do the little things that you did when you first fell in love.

Please keep reading for the complete guide on "Why Do Women Cheat on Their Men?"

Good Luck!

Dean Osborne is a web author with over 10 years experience. If you have any questions or comments, you may email him at dosborne08@aol.com or visit his website at http://www.signs-of-a-cheater.com

Stressful relationships - A Challenge

As we are all social animals, we are bound to have different kinds of relationships with each another. The relationship you share with your parents would be different to the one you share with your spouse and so on. It’s also true to say that these relationships and their importance do change over a period of time. Several reasons can be attributed to this phenomenon. You could individually be going through a personal crisis, professional downslides, and financial worries and so on. All these factors and many others could have played their part in increasing frustration, depression and anxiety levels in you. No wonder then that your relationship goes through ups and downs more often than not. It is up to you to realize this and to sort out the problems.

Although, your opinions, beliefs, judgments, preferences and reactions to other people’s voice are a part of your conditioning, they are all caused by none other than yourself. No doubt, they would be have been triggered by someone else. More often than not, we think that our conditioning is right and that of others is wrong. This attitude often leads to differences in relationships and results in stressful living. Hence it is better to allow others to be what they are and be different from us. This will not only ensure that relationship will be stable but also the emotions would be under check as well. Problems related to relationships are not just confined to homes but also at work places. You need to mature as an individual and act responsibly all the times.

Healthy relationships are those, which remain stable even at rough times. Two or more people involved in a relationship have to realize that there is a thin line separating each one of them. This imaginary line could be related to either individual behavior, interests or opinions. A forceful attempt to cross this line could be dangerous to the relationship. Individuals who fail to realize this line and its importance end up in broken relationships and are left wondering what went wrong. You can still go wrong if you attempt to resurrect the relationship with the help of money. No amount of money can build a relationship. This is what everybody has to realize at one point in time or other.

You might be tempted to ask what can be done to keep tensions arising out of a stressful relationship at bay. Well, there can’t be a single answer to this question. Healing a broken relationship is never easy. However, that should not stop you from trying to resurrect it. You have to first realize that the foundation of a healthy relationship lies in love and understanding. If these two things exist between two individuals, there is no way relationship can go wrong. You will do well to understand that it takes a lot of time to build a strong relationship, however few minutes is all it requires to break it down. You have to love family to realize the importance of a relationship. Healing relationships can be done any time. But the real challenge lies in maintaining a healthy relationship all the time, in spite of all stresses and strains that can accompany it.

Lynn is author of this article on Healing Relationships.

Give Your Date a Night to Remember - Dating and Singles Tips !

I am communicating with somebody from a dating site and we are close to getting out on our opening date. Wherever are the most proficient places for our first date?

The bulk of online daters hold their first date at a café. It is a very instinctive and easy surrounding where you are able to create an immediate departure or stay on for hours depending on how the date advances. So what is the most common spot was for a first date, more importantly “the best spots”. Here are a few more options…

1) Miniature golf game.
What’s neat about miniature golf is that it's an activity date where you aim to experience the new person whilst undergoing some fun. In a locale such as this, it’s more comfortable for your persona (and your date’s persona) to shine.

2) Hole in the Wall Eat Out.
This constitutes among those humble spots that hardly any people know about that deliver absolute great table service and food. It can involve a lot of research on your part uncovering it, but once you discover this gem, it will very much impress both your date and you.

3) Local Comedy nightspot.
Let’s face it,partaking in an entertaining experience during a first date could help build a fast bond. Plan on getting to the comedy club early with your date to get time to know one an other prior to the “main event”. Being able to joke and experience fun on your date is a recipe for a great night. But if you consider your date might be shocked by forceful language or sexual insinuations from a comedian, perhaps it’s better to look somewhere else for a first date.

4) Local carnival or Theme Park.
Reports indicate that proceeding on a date at a theme park assists building a bond as the playfulness related to the event is every bit related with who the event is shared with. Hence getting together at a theme park or local funfair can offer great interactivity and amusement.
While imagining a site for a first date, be creative, but not over the top. Be sure the locale is a spot your date can meet you at (it is never a smart thought to pick up your date or permit yourself to be picked up on a first date). Your initial date might have been to a café, however being a shade imaginative (and unusual) will assist you to stand out from the bunch.

Free Internet dating sites can often be a great place to start for dating ideas. The Internet has many free online dating sites and free chat rooms that offer dating related articles for singles who are looking for dating ideas. Participating in singles chat rooms is a fantastic way check out what other singles are getting up to on their latest dating adventures.

Recent Internet dating research suggests that 30% of singles now use free chat rooms and online dating sites in an attempt to meet new friends and singles.

by Mr Online Dating

Relationship Mistakes Women Make

Relationships fail for a great many reasons but mainly because of jealousy, mistrust, poor communication, and irreconcilable differences and you can't always blame it on men. More often than not, it is the women who caused the break up when they make the biggest mistakes. Some of these mistakes are made by women who are looking for love in married or committed men because no matter how much he assures you that it is you that they want, he will never leave his wife or fiancée and live happily ever after with you. But if he does, could you possibly trust him to remain faithful to you?
There are no foolproof guarantees that your relationship will last forever but you have a better chance at it if you avoid the common mistakes in your relationship:
1. Compare your partner with your ex - it's a bad idea to talk about what your ex has and what your partner hasn't. Or talk about how great your ex was and expecting your partner to be the same. If you had to compare, don't say it out loud.
2. Judging your partner based on passed experience - just because your ex cheated on you or treated you badly doesn't mean your current partner will do the same. It's unfair to mistrust your partner or accuse him for doing something he has not done because of the emotional baggage you carry.
3. Disrespecting your partner - never insult your partner or call him names especially in public. It doesn't matter how angry he made you. It's not an excuse for you to make a scene.
4. Getting too jealous - just because your partner has female friends, it doesn't mean that he's romantically interested in them. Don't jump into conclusions; start monitoring his activities or worst, secretly reading messages on his phone. You're only making yourself look bad.
5. Too much nagging and complaining - if he's too lazy or forgetful, don't start ranting about it. If you remind him of things over and over again, he'll just end up ignoring you or it might even trigger a fight.
6. Don't try to control him - men likes independence and they also want to hang out with his friends. Let him be as long as he doesn't overdo it.
7. Over analyzing the situation - if your partner hasn't called when he's out with his friends or off somewhere else, don't start thinking negatively about what he could be doing. There has to be an explanation why he hasn't called so don't call him and start asking unreasonable questions.
8. Don't expect your partner to know what you're thinking - your partner is not a psychic and he can't read your mind. It's not enough to just give him hints and expect him to understand what it is you want. If you want something, say it.
9. Too much expectation from your partner - unfortunately, men are not like women so you can't expect them to naturally be more sensitive, understanding, and caring. If you need something from him, you need to let him know what it is and how he can help.
10. Don't try to change him - you need to accept him for who he is and what he loves to do.

Janet Grace Ortigas is a freelance writer and online blogger.

How to Save a Relationship That's Falling Apart

At times relationships become a bit rocky and start falling apart. At this point in time you have to either fix it or break it off as there are no other options. There are some things that can be done to help save them if they are falling apart.
First, you have to have a serious talk to each other about it. Admit to each other that the relationship is difficult and needs to be worked on. Get rid of the ideals of what it should be and start focusing on what's going on.
Talk to each other about what is making the relationship difficult. You might find out things that you are doing that you didn't know hurt the other person or was causing a problem. Some of these things will be trivial and can be fixed quickly.
Stop fighting or blaming each other for who the other person is. At times you might not like something about the other person. Getting into fights about it is not going to fix or help your relationship.
Consider planning some time apart. At times when getting to used to someone, problems occur. Separate for awhile and start appreciating who the other person is again.
Start planning simple dates where you can spend quality time with each. Do things that you can really get to know who the other person is or learn new things about each other. Consider doing new things that you have never done before and make it fun.
Talk about what you both want out of the relationship and even out of life. You can then see if your future goals are meeting up and if it's worth fighting for this current bond that you have with the other person.
Don't take the little things for granted. Start doing the little things that you did originally to get the other person to like you. These are things that should never be stopped so the other person feels appreciated and thought of.

By Gordon James