What You Need To Know About Liars
Whether you are in a new relationship
or still trying to figure out an old one, chances are you either have
been lied to or suspect your mate is lying to you again, otherwise
you wouldn’t be reading this article. To determine whether your
mate is being honest with you the next time you question him or her,
you will want to pay attention to the following signs. Although
these clues may vary with some people, they are very popular with
most liars.
Let’s begin with one common tactic
used by liars. You have approached him or her with a question
followed by proof. He or she is obviously upset that you found out
the truth. They will look for reasons to find faults with you also
known as shifting blame. “Well if you hadn’t went through my
things we wouldn’t be arguing? It’s because of your insecurity
is why I did what I did.”
A softer tactic a liar will use to get
off the hot seat is the all important phone call, meeting, or some
other event. “Can this wait? I really have to go.” In
addition, they may even throw in a quick, “You know I love you and
you are the only one for me.”
Other distractions are touching, making
jokes, coming up with a sudden emergency, or making up similar
excuses to get away from you, so that it allows them time to assess
the situation and come up with another lie to cover up the one you
just found out.
Liars will easily become defensive by
accusing you of “wanting to pick a fight” or another good one
“What’s with all the questions?” This is another attempt to
buy some time to come up with a good story.
The wild, wide-eyed look is a great
Kodak moment. They are trying to figure out what all do you really
know. They are obviously in shock that you were smart enough to
figure out their lie.
Bill Clinton used this next one. It’s
called “deny everything.” Deny you were there, said it, or did
it, and anything else you can deny. The liar’s goal is to make you
feel as if you are crazy and second-guess what you thought you heard
or saw. Don’t try to talk yourself out of what you know he or she
is guilty. Listen to your gut.
Liars feel like you are attacking them
when you ask probing questions, so they will attack back. “Where
were you last week when I called? Do I ask you about the people you
talk to on the phone?” They may even call you a name or two just
to get you off their back.
Without proof, what’s the use in
asking a liar questions, right? Maybe you don’t want to reveal how
you found out at least not at that moment. If you tell him or her
that you can prove they are lying, they will encourage you to show
your proof. The liar wants to call your bluff. When they see you
are not bluffing, be prepared to hear another lie. They will
discredit the proof or ask you how you got this. Don’t ever tell
them exactly how you got anything! If you intend to stay with them a
little while longer, you will want to follow up on a later date to
see if they have developed a new habit like telling the truth. The
liar will be more careful next time if you reveal all your secrets.
Some liars will have a quirky smile on
their face. It isn’t meant to be positive, it’s really a frown
turned upside down—a look of getting caught. Following the smile,
the eyes will drop to the floor or look away from you.
There is the all-important pause after
the question was asked or the “I didn’t hear you” act. There
is nothing wrong with his or her hearing; they heard you the first
time. They just need the time to think like with all the other
tactics. While they are pausing watch how the eyes are looking away
or down to the floor again, thinking of “What should I say?”
In summary, when a liar has been
busted. Remember to first watch the facial expression. Facial
muscles will either tense up or drop. The look is sorrowful or sad.
Then gradually his or her mood will become angry. For temperamental
people they will skip feeling sad and go right into the emotional
anger outburst. Next, the liar will find an excuse to avoid talking
about it further. They will not want to look at your face; instead
they look down or away from you. The liar will make up a story to
cover up the lie told. Some liars will tell only part of the truth
and later come back asking for your forgiveness. Liars will want to
try to make up immediately. From sex to gift giving, whatever makes
you happy. Lastly, they will promise they won’t do it again.
However, old habits die hard so expect to be lied to again until they
grow tired of getting busted.
Here’s where many people who find out
they have been lied to make mistakes. They continue to act as if
everything is okay after the confrontation. In the beginning, you
may have been angry, sad, or tearful, but you got over it and acted
as if all was forgotten. You never held them accountable for their
actions, nor did you follow up to see if he or she is telling you the
truth. You are sold on their promises to never do it again.
Some victims of liars become obsessed
with finding out more information and begin to nag their mates about
everything. The key to healing is to know what you will do if they
do it again. Give he or she the benefit of the doubt, but protect
your heart by not being so trusting. If you don’t have peace in
the relationship, it will turn into a vicious cycle of break up to
make up. Do you really want that circus in your life? If you know
there is no hope for change, don’t stick around. However, if you
know there is some hope, then forgive and try to forget by not
bringing their fault back up to them. Liars will confide in the one
who they cheated with, a friend or family member with some of your
relationship problems, but they will not tell them the whole story.
Eventually when you have had enough of the endless cycle of make up
to break up over lies, you will be sending him or her their walking
papers. Although you may or may not ever find out the whole truth,
whatever you do, embrace what you have found out and use it to set
you free.
Nicholl McGuire
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