The Rush to Have Sex, Commit with Someone You Met Online

With the growing use of the Internet, comes the increase of meeting people online and possibly going all the way with them.  Now when I say "all the way" I mean just that!  All the way to the altar.  When this happens, you can never be too sure about that person who started out as nothing more than an online chat friend to possibly the mother or father of your children.

Communication

It is great to communicate, the longer, the better.  But what exactly are you talking about.  Some couples will brag about how wonderful their relationship is, but what they don't tell you is they have yet to push those buttons that will send the new partner over the edge.  It is very easy to start a relationship online, but keeping it--well that is a different story.  Sharing information with a partner is much more than just being nice, polite and friendly.  You must talk about those issues that rattle a person, so that you can see how they respond to controversy.  Better you find out that he is a temperamental man or she is "crazy" early on in the relationship; rather than later when money, time and bodily fluids have been exchanged.

Sex

Sex is always better when you haven't seen someone for a long time, duh?  Therefore, you will say and do things that you wouldn't ordinarily do.  The Internet has a way of amplifying our experiences especially if you have participated in some steamy conversations online.  However, is the way the person looks, what they promise, and how they romanticize you enough to keep you interested offline?  Just be honest with yourself.  Remember, most of the time you spend with this person you won't be having sex.  Look beyond the physical and what he says/she says.  What more can this person provide you besides what every other male or female before this person gave you?  Some of you know how you can be when you have some great sex with someone--don't lose your mind yet again!

Money/Gifts

When you aren't in the presence of someone often, it is tempting to give this person nice things.  Some couples move just as quickly into their finances as they do sex--notice your online friend or possibly yourself buying this person's favor.  Some gullible and desperate types (you know the ones who haven't been with a man/woman in months or years) try to keep a relationship going with an online friend by giving more money and gifts even when they start to notice this person is showing he or she doesn't like them much, is acting distant, in a relationship with someone else, and more.  You have to wonder what kind of person would keep chatting/dating someone who is emotionally and/or physically unavailable. 

If you lost contact once, twice, or maybe three times before you finally met this person, don't be so quick to assume that it must be in the cards for us to be together.  Not necessarily.  Ask yourself, "Could it be that my personal needs are not being fulfilled at this time in my life and I am just using this person to help me for the time being?"  Of course, it sounds wonderful when someone is willing to help you out of your financial storm, your sexless lifestyle, and other things, but seriously, what is really going on with you or that person?  Why the rush?

Many serial Internet daters, players, and has-beens (you know people who use to be hot, but aren't now) frequent sites to see if there is someone (anyone) who can help/sex/motivate/move them in their finances, business endeavors, family, spirituality, and more.  The needs become more important than the overall plan to have a happy, healthy marriage (and children, that's right some will rush that too) one day.  Selfish people ask, "What can I get from this person I met online?"  Kind-hearted people ask, "What might I be able to do to help this person and myself?"

Think about it before you do it.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself, and other books.  Watch Nicholl's videos here.  Visit her blog about various abuse issues here

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