The Side Effects of Going Without Sex

When was the last time you had sex? If you answered, “last night” then this article isn’t for you. Check out my articles on other relationship topics. However, for those people who can’t remember when they last had sex or choose to deliberately go without sex, this article is for you. There are many reasons people go without sex. Your mate or you may be going without it for religious reasons, a pregnancy, illness, a lack of trust, or dare I say it, for strategic reasons. Sad but true, some people will cut off sex in their relationships if they feel other needs aren’t being met such as a desire to marry, obtain material possessions, and receive attention.

Whatever your reason or your mate’s for not having sex, the following ten points will help you understand and prepare for the “side effects” that may happen.

Irritability. It’s like the feeling you get when someone calls you too many times to do something. The slightest thing that happens around you sets you off, because you just want to be left alone. A mentally stable human being is designed to desire another’s affections. As early as infancy we knew to cry to get someone’s attention whether it was to be fed, held, changed, or something else. A touch would let us know as babies that someone is tending to our needs. As adults if we don’t receive a touch from the one we love, we can easily assume this person isn’t interested in tending to our needs.

Anger Outbursts. Someone or something just may catch one of these. It may be a small oversight on the part of our mate, they may have forgotten to do or say something, so we explode. The real reason we are angry isn’t about the forgotten things, but it is really due to the lack of sexual intimacy.

Insecurity. “Where were you last night? Who called you? What are you looking at on the Internet?” If he or she hasn’t asked you so many questions before, then it is fair to assume that the lack of sex is catching up to him or her. However, you might be the one asking the questions and if so, then you may need to make the time to communicate your needs, reach a compromise, and hopefully make love some day soon.

Sadness. This feeling will suddenly come without notice. You will begin to think about the past and how great it felt being sexually active with your mate. The feelings of sadness may be so intense at times it may make you cry. Be careful because this feeling can easily turn into a depression if it lingers too long. Watch out if you find that you or your mate is beginning to let their appearance and body go downhill and if the things they use to enjoy they don’t anymore.

Withdrawal. This reaction may result from the depression. He or she isn’t interested in communicating with you anymore or vice versa. You may find he or she is annoying now that the two of you aren’t intimate.

Temptations. He or she may begin to take notice of co-workers and friends. This may be happening with you too. If you find that your mate is talking about one particular person more than others or suddenly becoming very vague about the details of his or her day, this is a warning that slowly but surely a casual lunch may turn into a bedroom romp.

Dreams. Have you ever dreamed of an ex or an attractive co-worker? It doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with them (unless you secretly do,) but it could mean that you and your mate have some unresolved differences that need to be addressed. The ex and co-worker are also symbolic of a desire to escape the problems of your current relationship and a reminder of what you need to do in your waking life to make things right before it’s too late.

Negative Thoughts/ Finding Faults. At times you may experience feelings of dislike, anger toward your lover or place blame. You will begin to ponder on his or her flaws as a way to turn off feelings of wanting to be with them. You may think, “She isn’t all that pretty anyway. I don’t know what I ever saw in her.” Don’t take these thoughts too seriously. This is just your mind and body warning you that you are on your way to falling out of love with him or her if you or they don’t start changing attitudes about sexual intimacy.

Eye Rolling. You may have been caught by your mate being negative with your eyes or they may have been guilty. Eyes are truly the windows to the soul.
Eyes that once admired you will no longer when needs aren’t being met.

Separation/Breakup. This is the worst side effect of all. When needs have been discussed and changes don’t occur, mates will plan to leave. First, the mind begins to lose interest. Next, the heart loses feelings. Lastly, the soul desires to take it all and go away. It’s just that simple.

Whether you are a Christian struggling to make a change sexually in your relationship or your lover is disgruntled and just can’t seem to forgive, know that to suddenly stop having sex in a relationship that once had been, will only hurt the one you love. It is better to look for alternatives to enhance your relationship with both God and man.


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