Relationships Evolve, Romantic Feelings Die Down
It happens. Those infatuating, frustrating, and often fluctuating emotions can make or break your relationship with that special someone. So what do you do when you feel like you love your partner today, but hate him or her tomorrow?
One. You don't lose your cool and say something you might regret. But if you do, you have to find a way to make up.
Now you might get angry about an issue every now and then, but when you do, watch your mouth! Too often people say things that they know will cause others to hurt, due to selfishness, vengeful thoughts, jealousy, immaturity, or simply listening to the wrong advisers, and out comes something mean. If you should hurt your lover's feelings, go to him or her with a sincere apology and plan to do something thoughtful. Also, remnind yourself via a note or alert to get a solution to whatever has caused your partner concern in the relationship. Notice your behavior next time and take control over your emotions even if you must leave the area.
Two. Give your partner some space.
You could have received the best gift from your sweetheart and felt like being in his or her presence everyday, but resist the temptation. Sooner or later your partner will grow weary of you. Too much of anything isn't good, so even if you have plenty of time available to be snuggled up in bed with your lover, put a cap on it! Allow time and space to permit those "I'm missing you" feelings. They actually help you appreciate your special someone more so and drag out those romantic emotions a little while longer.
Three. Stop chatting about your mate with everyone you know.
Sure, he makes your toes tingle and yes, she makes your stomach do flips, but the more you talk about him or her, the faster you will get to those feelings of burnout. Save some of the niceties and great stories for those times when he or she doesn't make you feel so great.
Four. Face it, your relationship will change when death, sickness, pregnancy, lies, secrets, exes, and more show up.
As much as you want to have the kind of relationship that makes you feel like you and your significant are on top of the world all the time, the reality is things will change. She may say sweet things today, but when health issues show up once in awhile or every month, that lovely lady in red is going to start seeing red. Try your hardest not to be the one that contributes to her pain. When he tells you, "I don't feel like it right now...I'm not in the mood to talk..." the sky isn't falling, but personal issues are taking it's toll. If you have a faith, use it! The relationship might survive the storms, take a leap backward, or die--that's reality. It is up to you to go along for the ride or ask to be put out at the next stop.
Five. When romantic feelings die down, find a way to pick them back up.
From changing one's appearance to planning a vacation, whatever it takes to show that you are still very much interested in your partner, just do it! Don't contemplate or procrastinate. You do too much thinking or excuse-making and the longer it will take to grow those romantic feelings. You also don't want to overwhelm or stress your partner with demands or threats to increase your love life such as saying things like, "If you don't go here with me, then I won't...you never act like you care, so I will just..." Rarely does a relationship rebound to the way it once was with negativity often looming. Share your thoughts with love, kindness and gentleness.
Keep in mind these are just some tips, but find others related to your situation and use them. Know that it is quite possible for your mate to be with you for the rest of your life if he or she feels comfortable with you, trusts that you aren't going anywhere, and puts his or her needs at times above your own. The strongest relationships last because couples have learned how to communicate good, bad and ugly news while still choosing to remain committed through it all!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself and other books. Check out Blurb.com and Amazon.com for more information.