Family and Friends: Just How Important are They to a Date?

Some will talk of how much they love and appreciate their family and friends, while others will express little, if any, emotion about their so-called loved ones. The truth is not everyone likes or loves their kin. Therefore, if you’re single and dating, expect it.

When dating someone, who mentions one or a few relatives quite often in negative ways. Think about just how much influence the loved ones has over this person and how much time he or she spends listening and doing what these people say. There is a good possibility that the date is quite close to his or her relatives even if this person might be angry at times when talking about them. Now if a date doesn’t tell you too much about his or her family, then most likely they don’t find much worth telling, because they may be boring, busy, or bad. You will need to listen and learn just how strong or weak is one's family connection.

Not everyone who claims something is wrong with their family is as bad as they would want you to believe. Some daters are liars, exaggerators, look for pity, and have a variety of personality disorders. You won’t know the severity of the family issues until you get the other side’s version. Compare what you know from a partner with what you learned from them and you will find the following: whether or not your date is a manipulator, if he or she is really such a nice, outgoing or friendly person, and if you can tolerate the date and relatives if they are quite negative with one another.

Too much talking about family and friends isn't good particularly when one is not that close to his or her family--the conversations can be quite overwhelming, emotional, redundant, boring, and crazy.  If you should correct, warn, or say something unflattering about a date's relatives, you just might find yourself in a verbal battle.  In addition, it is usually a bad sign the date has not matured yet emotionally and still very much needs his or her family’s support on many things. 

If you should notice the cell phone is often buzzing, an email inbox is flooded with mail from relatives, and every time there is a family gathering your date is expected to attend, you will have to determine whether you can endure so much family involvement. You might be able to handle it if your family is equally involved in your life. But if you are not use to this sort of thing, it will begin to grate on your nerves. You will think, “Does he/she ever do anything without his or her family?” The longer you stay in the relationship with the date, the more tempted you will be to want to keep this person away from his or her family on most occasions. This will cause arguments.

Establishing family boundaries is one good way of keeping one’s intimate business private. You never want to share so much about your date and what you like or don’t like about him or her as well as activities you do together with family members. There will be those who will not like your date or you. 

Family can be bias and don’t always have your best interests in mind. If you notice a date is often defending the relationship, it would be a good idea to communicate your concerns and establish some boundaries. Look for ways to problem solve while protecting what might turn into a future marriage.

The more you and your date discover about family members early on, the less likely you will argue about them later as your partnership matures.

Nicholl McGuire 

Twitter @nicholl mcguire


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