15 Things Exs Will Do to Control You and Your Partner in a New Relationship

Never trust a charming but crazy ex! No matter how nice, sweet, generous, and saintly like, never trust the man or woman that your current partner ended a relationship with for reasons you may never fully know.

Some of you are gullible. You want to be in with the family, in with the ex, in with the children, in the In Club.  Listen, let's just be real, everyone is not entirely welcome in a family and in many cases not at all.  It doesn't matter if the family is prejudice, homophobic, rich, poor, young, old, political, party people, or religious, someone is not going to like you being with their beloved relative. Enemy number one is an ex. A scorned ex with an axe to grind may not do everything mentioned in this post, but he or she might depending on how long, how close, and how much family members talk or don't talk about you and your family.

As much as we would love to think that people will not do any of the following things and that you can carry on in a relationship without the worry of a partner's ex verbally and/or physically attacking you, let's just be real, there is always the possibility that a weak-minded individual will snap! The ex is angered about the way things ended, miserable because he or she can't find love, saddened that children will now have to listen to the children's cries alone, bitter because of all the dirt your partner may have done to him or her, and the list goes on! 

So get your head out of the sand my brothers and sisters and wake up, watch as well as pray that you won't have to go through any of these things because an ex refuses to move on and your partner's family may not have wanted that ex to move on!

1) The ex may pop up at your new partner's home without notice needing "to talk" or claiming they "left something" or there is an "emergency" and they "need to drop off the children." Whether true or not, boundaries apparently weren't established, it's time to talk with your partner about them.

2) Miserable Mary or Nosey Nate may look you up via the Internet, check out your friends, and may want to discuss things about you and the new relationship. Put your friends and acquaintances on notice that there is a creeper on the loose wanting to learn more about you. Advise them not to say anything, ignore, block or report them to the police if they are displaying signs, they might be a threat.

3) The crazy ex-girlfriend or boyfriend may have the nerve to show up at your workplace or home. If that should ever occur, don't open the door, snap photos from your window and call the police. You might have to dust off Old Betsy in the cabinet and install some cameras.

4) They may have a family member or friend call or come around you. Now why would they do such a thing? The plan is to wear you down so that you won't remain in a relationship with your new partner and because the crazy ex believes you are more trusting of your partner's relatives; therefore, you are more likely to spill the information he or she wants to know.  Having a bond with people isn't the only reason people stay connected, sometimes children are involved, business connections, etc. but the benefit of the bond is also to learn as much detail about an ex's new relationship i.e.) marriage, children, employment, relocation, etc. because they still like/love/lust the ex. Sometimes staying updated about the ex via his or her family is for sinister reasons like hoping that he or she is hurt by the new partner like they had been hurt. So, exes linger wishing for bad things to happen in the new relationship.

6) They may lie just to get close to your partner once again. Whether the ex fakes pregnancy, makes up something about a child they share, or claims he or she has to tend to important business, lies are eventually uncovered but sometimes without a fight that you witness or you might end up engaging in.

7) They may act as if they have moved on, but their behavior shows otherwise. Your current partner and/or the ex might be pretending, but secretly there may still be a desire to be together again. No one wants to be in the middle of someone else's drama, but here you are trying to figure out something that more than likely is just what you suspect, these two still want to be with one another.

8) They may send the police over falsely accusing you or your partner of doing something to him or her, the pet, or the children. If this should ever happen, strongly reconsider being with someone who obviously has driven their ex mad whether he or she wants to admit to any wrongdoing in the relationship or not. You don't know how deep the rabbit hole is with these two and you don't need to stick around to find out!

9) They may attempt to hurt your partner's credit score by running up unnecessary bills or taking credit out in his or her name and not paying. Lock yours up and don't leave any of your important documents accessible.

10) They may use strangers to mess with your home, technology, car, or other personal belongings. Be on the lookout when you are walking, driving, or riding with a relative or friend. Check your possessions before you handle them. Install cameras, use security tools, and other devices to alert you of anything that might be suspicious.

11) They may get children to misbehave by acting disrespectful toward you or doing destructive things in your home. Handle children with care, but also discuss with your partner what you will not tolerate and what might be the consequences if the children insist on behaving inappropriately.

12) They may contact your employer or your partner's in the hopes of getting him or her terminated. Address any issues of concern that might arise, provide helpful information about this person including any police report you have filed and leave a photocopy of this person with the security team. Don't alert your company unless you feel it is necessary.

13) They may buy a rigged gift or make a meal that may cause you or your partner harm. So, he or she is a great cook or is very knowledgeable about fixing things, never trust that this person will not do something to make you and your new partner miserable like he or she is. 

14) They may stall a device in your home or your partner's to listen to your conversations or spy on you and your family. The unexpected visit or stopping by for the holidays could also be a great opportunity to leave something behind in the home. A need to be picked up from a location is a great excuse to leave an item behind in a car.  Don't open your home or car up to an ex no matter how nice-looking or charming he or she is!

15) They may befriend your children to get them to communicate information about you and your partner. It is very easy to swindle a child into doing things in exchange for money, candy, a party invite, favorite toy, or fun place to visit, so if a scorned ex is determined to make a former partner's life a living hell, he or she will not hesitate to use a child as an accomplice. Never assume a child doesn't know, wasn't told, or would never...that is what any parent would love to think about his or her little sweetheart, but that isn't always the case especially when they are old enough to know better.

So, with these 15 tips may you stay clear away from a scorned ex and do what you can to improve your relationship. When all else fails, break it off with a partner! Stalkers, jealous exes, bitter wives, abusive ex-boyfriends are so not worth it!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of She's Crazy, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and owner and contributor of this blog.

10 Reasons Why Singles Should Avoid Dating Toxic People

Losers can be toxic and destructive people to date or be in any type of relationship with! There are many reasons why singles date losers. Some people may be looking for someone to take care of them, while others may be attracted to the bad boy/girl persona. Whatever the reason, it's important to remember that you deserve better. In this blog post, we will discuss 10 reasons why you should avoid dating losers and find someone who is right for you!

Number one: They don't know how to treat you right. Losers will never understand how to truly love and care for someone. All they will do is take advantage of your kindness and use you for their own gain.

Number two: They are always negative. If you're dating a loser, chances are, they are always complaining about something. Whether it's their job, their friends, or even you, nothing is ever good enough for them. This negativity will eventually start to rub off on you and bring you down as well.

Number three: They have no goals or ambitions in life. A loser will never have any motivation to better themselves or achieve anything great in life. They'll be draining you of your positive energy as you progress in life and will eventually hold you back.

Number four: They are always taking and never giving. A relationship should be a two-way street, but with a loser, it's all about them. They'll never think about your needs or what you want, only their own. This selfishness will eventually lead to the downfall of the relationship.

Number five: They have a bad temper. If your partner has a quick temper and is always picking fights, then they're definitely not worth dating. Having to walk on eggshells around someone is not fun or healthy for either party involved.

Number six: They're always playing games. Whether it's mind games, manipulations, or just plain old game playing, losers love to do it. This type of person is typically selfish, egotistical, and most likely doesn't get along with loved ones.

Number seven: They're never happy. If your partner is always unhappy and complaining, then they're definitely a loser. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly unhappy and brings them down.

Number eight: They're always talking about themselves. Losers love to talk about themselves and their accomplishments (or lack thereof). This narcissistic behavior is a major turn-off for most people.

Number nine: They have no sense of humor.  People like this tend to take themselves way too seriously.  So, you find yourself walking on eggshells around them.

Number ten: They are stingy. To share anything is difficult for them. Ask them for a dollar, a piece of candy, or a handful of snacks, then watch one's face frown up. Most likely, if they are ungenerous with the little things, they are also that way about paying for things, vacationing, and investing in quality housing that could benefit both of you and possibly children in the future.

So, there you have it! Ten reasons why singles should avoid dating toxic people. Do you agree with this list? Let us know in the comments below! And, if you're currently dating a loser, don't worry - there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just keep swimming! :)

Do you have any dating horror stories? Share them with us in the comments below! We'd love to hear from you. 

On Dating the Not-So Obvious Selfish People - What You Need to Know

Ever come across a selfish person, you know the type, the one who doesn't want to share, doesn't ever want to go where you would like to go, doesn't want to compromise on key issues, doesn't want to say or do anything that remotely comes close to giving of oneself?  Yet, you still managed to give these types of folks a chance even if it was for a short period of time.  Yet, there is the kind of person that isn't so in your face about his or her selfish ways.  Chances are this person has already been exposed on being self-absorbed prior to you ever meeting him or her.  This one is safeguarded careful not to say too much and does just enough to make you feel like, "Well maybe...eh...I think, I don't know."  How about we just call a spade, a spade and go with he or she is selfish and maybe cheap too!

Look, the not-so obvious selfish person comes in a variety of flavors.  He or she is going to behave like they are sweet, generous, and kind at least in the early dating phase until they are not!  Let me explain further, you know how you can be sometimes.  You give a little to someone, you give a little more, and then when it becomes uncomfortable you fall back and wait to see what someone is going to do for you.  Mr. or Ms. Closet Selfish is going to behave that way sooner rather than later and will stay in the ungenerous phase longer than you.  Sometimes he or she is there in that headspace until you have spent your last dime!  Oh, whatever happened to Sweetie? Yeah, what happened to her or him?

When I dated my share of a few, who had appeared like they were generous people, I learned later after repeated statements of "I can't...I wish I could...I didn't know that cost...I'm sorry." that I was in the presence of not only selfish guys, but people who wasn't in a good place financially to be dating anyone!  Their plan was to get what they could from me for as much as possible without spending too much of anything: time, conversation, gifts, food, etc.  So, when I noticed early on via careful observation who and what I was dealing with, I cut them off!  They knew what their shortcomings were before they met me and they also knew that had they shown their true selves from the start, I would be turned off and run!  So, to keep the unsuspecting or naive date around, the selfish individual is going to give just enough for you to think one thing which is usually positive, because of course, we like to be positive even when something isn't right--not good!  Yet, the reality is their behavior or lack thereof is what is creating the doubt in the first place.  We might say to ourselves, "I noticed that he isn't helping, he doesn't want to do, he is acting like he is uninterested, he doesn't want to spend his money..."

As you learn more about him or her, the selfish person is going to look to find fault with you when you confront or expose him or her about the negative behaviors.  They are going to accuse you of being selfish.  They may even go back to being sweet, generous and kind again, at least for a short while, just to prove a point!  However, you will know it is just an act.

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men

When You Realize You Have Been Played

Craig David - Walking Away (Official Video)

On Meeting the Needs of Your New Date - What is your role?

When you date are you expecting to play a role in someone's life? Are you anticipating that when you date this person that they will be capable of meeting your personal and professional needs? Are you sincerely looking for a friend? These questions and more are what some singles don't bother thinking about. They go into dating like they go shopping, scroll and swipe until they find Mr. or Ms. Right.  Once they have selected the person and realize he or she isn't what they life, they have remorse about their choices and wish to return back to their single lives emotionally torn.

Think of a time when you dated someone that didn't work out. You most likely couldn't meet their needs and vice versa. Back then, did either of you ever think of what roles you might have played in one another's lives when those warm, kind and loving days had turned cold, unkind and unloving? Some people go into dating relationships with roles in mind such as: mother, cook, caretaker, father, counselor, student, child, etc. All roles that you prefer not to play often or not at all.

So how might you avoid some problems in the future when you date:

1) Pay attention to what role someone is expecting you to play in his or her life.

You can do this by listening for their constant needs not so much the infrequent ones. In their requests, reveals what they are seeking from you if you should connect exclusively. Are they often calling you to take them somewhere? You are the driver. Expecting you to cook often? You are the cook. Communicating frequently how much they need to buy items but don't have the money to do so? You are a donor. Trouble finding a babysitter while he or she works? Yes, you are the babysitter.

2)  Know whether you can fulfill the roles that have been set for you.

You may have selected roles for him or her to play in your life and he or she might be able to help, but what about you? Sometimes singles can't have quality relationships because they are unwilling to meet anyone's needs but their own or some daters just have far too many needs! Although it isn't wise or reasonable to be all things all the time to some people, you will in any relationship need to wear a hat or two or maybe three all at once that you will not want to wear. You may be the accountant, the mechanic, the handyman, and even a fan!  Your date is going to reach out for a helping or encouraging hand, will you be that one to lean on?

3)  Think of your past failed friendships and what you can do to be a quality friend.

Although this might be a hurtful exercise, it can be quite fulfilling.  Start penning down who, why you broke up, how you contributed to the demise, and what you could have done differently. You will come to the realization that there is a lot of inner work that you still need to do in order to be a quality friend to others. You will be saddened at how you let others down and how you could have handled situations better. However, you will also learn how you can take what you did wrong in the past and be a better person with someone else who isn't aware of all your trials. You need not tell them about everything just because they ask either!

If you are sincerely wishing to have a great relationship with someone, you must remember that he or she will expect kindness, respect and consideration.  If you fail at meeting basic human needs, you won't get very far helping someone with other requests like: needing a lift from work or helping with a small child.

Avoid the temptation to get your needs met quickly while leaving a date feeling used and confused.  This happens often especially in budding relationships. Unfortunately, those who take much and don't give much emotionally and physically hurt people. In time, victims become bitter and resentful.

Take the time to interview a date like you would someone looking for a job.  Ask specific questions and think how might you and that individual work together to create a successful relationship!

Nicholl McGuire 

Looking for a Hug in all the Wrong Places - late night lust

On Breaking the Soul Ties During Valentine's Day Season