On Meeting the Needs of Your New Date - What is your role?

When you date are you expecting to play a role in someone's life? Are you anticipating that when you date this person that they will be capable of meeting your personal and professional needs? Are you sincerely looking for a friend? These questions and more are what some singles don't bother thinking about. They go into dating like they go shopping, scroll and swipe until they find Mr. or Ms. Right.  Once they have selected the person and realize he or she isn't what they life, they have remorse about their choices and wish to return back to their single lives emotionally torn.

Think of a time when you dated someone that didn't work out. You most likely couldn't meet their needs and vice versa. Back then, did either of you ever think of what roles you might have played in one another's lives when those warm, kind and loving days had turned cold, unkind and unloving? Some people go into dating relationships with roles in mind such as: mother, cook, caretaker, father, counselor, student, child, etc. All roles that you prefer not to play often or not at all.

So how might you avoid some problems in the future when you date:

1) Pay attention to what role someone is expecting you to play in his or her life.

You can do this by listening for their constant needs not so much the infrequent ones. In their requests, reveals what they are seeking from you if you should connect exclusively. Are they often calling you to take them somewhere? You are the driver. Expecting you to cook often? You are the cook. Communicating frequently how much they need to buy items but don't have the money to do so? You are a donor. Trouble finding a babysitter while he or she works? Yes, you are the babysitter.

2)  Know whether you can fulfill the roles that have been set for you.

You may have selected roles for him or her to play in your life and he or she might be able to help, but what about you? Sometimes singles can't have quality relationships because they are unwilling to meet anyone's needs but their own or some daters just have far too many needs! Although it isn't wise or reasonable to be all things all the time to some people, you will in any relationship need to wear a hat or two or maybe three all at once that you will not want to wear. You may be the accountant, the mechanic, the handyman, and even a fan!  Your date is going to reach out for a helping or encouraging hand, will you be that one to lean on?

3)  Think of your past failed friendships and what you can do to be a quality friend.

Although this might be a hurtful exercise, it can be quite fulfilling.  Start penning down who, why you broke up, how you contributed to the demise, and what you could have done differently. You will come to the realization that there is a lot of inner work that you still need to do in order to be a quality friend to others. You will be saddened at how you let others down and how you could have handled situations better. However, you will also learn how you can take what you did wrong in the past and be a better person with someone else who isn't aware of all your trials. You need not tell them about everything just because they ask either!

If you are sincerely wishing to have a great relationship with someone, you must remember that he or she will expect kindness, respect and consideration.  If you fail at meeting basic human needs, you won't get very far helping someone with other requests like: needing a lift from work or helping with a small child.

Avoid the temptation to get your needs met quickly while leaving a date feeling used and confused.  This happens often especially in budding relationships. Unfortunately, those who take much and don't give much emotionally and physically hurt people. In time, victims become bitter and resentful.

Take the time to interview a date like you would someone looking for a job.  Ask specific questions and think how might you and that individual work together to create a successful relationship!

Nicholl McGuire