On Dating the Not-So Obvious Selfish People - What You Need to Know

Ever come across a selfish person, you know the type, the one who doesn't want to share, doesn't ever want to go where you would like to go, doesn't want to compromise on key issues, doesn't want to say or do anything that remotely comes close to giving of oneself?  Yet, you still managed to give these types of folks a chance even if it was for a short period of time.  Yet, there is the kind of person that isn't so in your face about his or her selfish ways.  Chances are this person has already been exposed on being self-absorbed prior to you ever meeting him or her.  This one is safeguarded careful not to say too much and does just enough to make you feel like, "Well maybe...eh...I think, I don't know."  How about we just call a spade, a spade and go with he or she is selfish and maybe cheap too!

Look, the not-so obvious selfish person comes in a variety of flavors.  He or she is going to behave like they are sweet, generous, and kind at least in the early dating phase until they are not!  Let me explain further, you know how you can be sometimes.  You give a little to someone, you give a little more, and then when it becomes uncomfortable you fall back and wait to see what someone is going to do for you.  Mr. or Ms. Closet Selfish is going to behave that way sooner rather than later and will stay in the ungenerous phase longer than you.  Sometimes he or she is there in that headspace until you have spent your last dime!  Oh, whatever happened to Sweetie? Yeah, what happened to her or him?

When I dated my share of a few, who had appeared like they were generous people, I learned later after repeated statements of "I can't...I wish I could...I didn't know that cost...I'm sorry." that I was in the presence of not only selfish guys, but people who wasn't in a good place financially to be dating anyone!  Their plan was to get what they could from me for as much as possible without spending too much of anything: time, conversation, gifts, food, etc.  So, when I noticed early on via careful observation who and what I was dealing with, I cut them off!  They knew what their shortcomings were before they met me and they also knew that had they shown their true selves from the start, I would be turned off and run!  So, to keep the unsuspecting or naive date around, the selfish individual is going to give just enough for you to think one thing which is usually positive, because of course, we like to be positive even when something isn't right--not good!  Yet, the reality is their behavior or lack thereof is what is creating the doubt in the first place.  We might say to ourselves, "I noticed that he isn't helping, he doesn't want to do, he is acting like he is uninterested, he doesn't want to spend his money..."

As you learn more about him or her, the selfish person is going to look to find fault with you when you confront or expose him or her about the negative behaviors.  They are going to accuse you of being selfish.  They may even go back to being sweet, generous and kind again, at least for a short while, just to prove a point!  However, you will know it is just an act.

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men