15 Things Exs Will Do to Control You and Your Partner in a New Relationship
Never trust a charming but crazy ex! No matter how nice, sweet, generous, and saintly like, never trust the man or woman that your current partner ended a relationship with for reasons you may never fully know.
Some of you are gullible. You want to be in with the family, in with the ex, in with the children, in the In Club. Listen, let's just be real, everyone is not entirely welcome in a family and in many cases not at all. It doesn't matter if the family is prejudice, homophobic, rich, poor, young, old, political, party people, or religious, someone is not going to like you being with their beloved relative. Enemy number one is an ex. A scorned ex with an axe to grind may not do everything mentioned in this post, but he or she might depending on how long, how close, and how much family members talk or don't talk about you and your family.
As much as we would love to think that people will not do any of the following things and that you can carry on in a relationship without the worry of a partner's ex verbally and/or physically attacking you, let's just be real, there is always the possibility that a weak-minded individual will snap! The ex is angered about the way things ended, miserable because he or she can't find love, saddened that children will now have to listen to the children's cries alone, bitter because of all the dirt your partner may have done to him or her, and the list goes on!
So get your head out of the sand my brothers and sisters and wake up, watch as well as pray that you won't have to go through any of these things because an ex refuses to move on and your partner's family may not have wanted that ex to move on!
1) The ex may pop up at your new partner's home without notice needing "to talk" or claiming they "left something" or there is an "emergency" and they "need to drop off the children." Whether true or not, boundaries apparently weren't established, it's time to talk with your partner about them.
2) Miserable Mary or Nosey Nate may look you up via the Internet, check out your friends, and may want to discuss things about you and the new relationship. Put your friends and acquaintances on notice that there is a creeper on the loose wanting to learn more about you. Advise them not to say anything, ignore, block or report them to the police if they are displaying signs, they might be a threat.
3) The crazy ex-girlfriend or boyfriend may have the nerve to show up at your workplace or home. If that should ever occur, don't open the door, snap photos from your window and call the police. You might have to dust off Old Betsy in the cabinet and install some cameras.
4) They may have a family member or friend call or come around you. Now why would they do such a thing? The plan is to wear you down so that you won't remain in a relationship with your new partner and because the crazy ex believes you are more trusting of your partner's relatives; therefore, you are more likely to spill the information he or she wants to know. Having a bond with people isn't the only reason people stay connected, sometimes children are involved, business connections, etc. but the benefit of the bond is also to learn as much detail about an ex's new relationship i.e.) marriage, children, employment, relocation, etc. because they still like/love/lust the ex. Sometimes staying updated about the ex via his or her family is for sinister reasons like hoping that he or she is hurt by the new partner like they had been hurt. So, exes linger wishing for bad things to happen in the new relationship.
6) They may lie just to get close to your partner once again. Whether the ex fakes pregnancy, makes up something about a child they share, or claims he or she has to tend to important business, lies are eventually uncovered but sometimes without a fight that you witness or you might end up engaging in.
7) They may act as if they have moved on, but their behavior shows otherwise. Your current partner and/or the ex might be pretending, but secretly there may still be a desire to be together again. No one wants to be in the middle of someone else's drama, but here you are trying to figure out something that more than likely is just what you suspect, these two still want to be with one another.
8) They may send the police over falsely accusing you or your partner of doing something to him or her, the pet, or the children. If this should ever happen, strongly reconsider being with someone who obviously has driven their ex mad whether he or she wants to admit to any wrongdoing in the relationship or not. You don't know how deep the rabbit hole is with these two and you don't need to stick around to find out!
9) They may attempt to hurt your partner's credit score by running up unnecessary bills or taking credit out in his or her name and not paying. Lock yours up and don't leave any of your important documents accessible.
10) They may use strangers to mess with your home, technology, car, or other personal belongings. Be on the lookout when you are walking, driving, or riding with a relative or friend. Check your possessions before you handle them. Install cameras, use security tools, and other devices to alert you of anything that might be suspicious.
11) They may get children to misbehave by acting disrespectful toward you or doing destructive things in your home. Handle children with care, but also discuss with your partner what you will not tolerate and what might be the consequences if the children insist on behaving inappropriately.
12) They may contact your employer or your partner's in the hopes of getting him or her terminated. Address any issues of concern that might arise, provide helpful information about this person including any police report you have filed and leave a photocopy of this person with the security team. Don't alert your company unless you feel it is necessary.
13) They may buy a rigged gift or make a meal that may cause you or your partner harm. So, he or she is a great cook or is very knowledgeable about fixing things, never trust that this person will not do something to make you and your new partner miserable like he or she is.
14) They may stall a device in your home or your partner's to listen to your conversations or spy on you and your family. The unexpected visit or stopping by for the holidays could also be a great opportunity to leave something behind in the home. A need to be picked up from a location is a great excuse to leave an item behind in a car. Don't open your home or car up to an ex no matter how nice-looking or charming he or she is!
15) They may befriend your children to get them to communicate information about you and your partner. It is very easy to swindle a child into doing things in exchange for money, candy, a party invite, favorite toy, or fun place to visit, so if a scorned ex is determined to make a former partner's life a living hell, he or she will not hesitate to use a child as an accomplice. Never assume a child doesn't know, wasn't told, or would never...that is what any parent would love to think about his or her little sweetheart, but that isn't always the case especially when they are old enough to know better.
So, with these 15 tips may you stay clear away from a scorned ex and do what you can to improve your relationship. When all else fails, break it off with a partner! Stalkers, jealous exes, bitter wives, abusive ex-boyfriends are so not worth it!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of She's Crazy, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and owner and contributor of this blog.