When a Partner Puts Everyone Before You - family, friends, co-workers
When you began dating your partner whether months or years ago, you didn't anticipate that the future would be like this, he or she would ignore, make excuses to get out of doing things with you, make favorite relatives a priority, and accuse you of acting insecure or jealous. All you wanted was a relationship with your mate and you didn't expect anything less. However, these days it feels like you are all alone. Your feelings don't matter, time spent together is unimportant, and when you so much as you bring up a conversation that sounds the least bit unflattering, you are deemed a trouble-maker by your selfish partner. As long as you go along with his or her program, you are a "good" girlfriend, "great" boyfriend or spouse. Well enough is enough!
As much as you might not like to sit down and talk about your feelings, state consequences, or be critical about the way your partner is treating you, you will have to keep going to him or her about what ails you until there is some kind of resolve met. It is going to take some time, patience, a willingness to listen to unpleasant things, and most of all love. If you plan to be in this relationship for the long haul, you will have to do your part to make it work. As for your partner, your repeated conversations, requests, or even demands and his or her response to them will determine how dedicated he or she is to the partnership.
You are right when you feel like you are second-best. So you might as well put yourself first. Don't wait around for your partner to validate you, celebrate you, or do anything with you. Chances are if he or she is behaving like you are irrelevant, most likely he or she has lost interest in you for any number of reasons including you possibly being too available for him or her. Start planning your life that doesn't require much attention from your partner and watch what happens. If he or she sees that there is distance, maybe the individual will realize one just might be losing you.
Find the time to do some things together even if the moments are few and far in between. The upside is you will appreciate one another more and because you don't have much time to be together due to other responsibilities you just might make the most of it.
If you find that outside influences are impacting your relationship and it isn't all your partner's doing, then you might want to make your mate aware of what you have observed. Don't worry about what he or she says about your being "insecure, jealous, worry too much..." Continue to state how you feel and ask him or her to consider what you have said. You may even have to confront or expose someone at fault for their disrespectful behavior. If you don't want to deal with the person who you believe is causing a wedge in your relationship head-on, think of ways that will solve their situation so that he or she isn't relying on your mate so much even if that means volunteering your service every once in awhile. This way you can get to know this person a bit better and see up close and personal what is really going on with him or her when your partner isn't around. You can also share how much you love your partner and will stand by him or her through thick and thin. This way the individual has a sense that you are not weak and will not be used or abused by them. Don't ever share too much personal information that can be used against you later and whatever you do don't badmouth your partner to relatives and friends.
It hurts when you see that a partner is behaving rather accommodating to everyone else but you. You feel ignored, alone, and confused. If you have a personal faith, now is a good time to use it as well as draw on healthy support from individuals who have gone through something similar. If you can't withstand the agony of what is happening and you see no change with a partner after sharing your feelings, protect your heart, create distance, and re-evaluate whether you want to be in a relationship with someone like this.
Nicholl McGuire
As much as you might not like to sit down and talk about your feelings, state consequences, or be critical about the way your partner is treating you, you will have to keep going to him or her about what ails you until there is some kind of resolve met. It is going to take some time, patience, a willingness to listen to unpleasant things, and most of all love. If you plan to be in this relationship for the long haul, you will have to do your part to make it work. As for your partner, your repeated conversations, requests, or even demands and his or her response to them will determine how dedicated he or she is to the partnership.
You are right when you feel like you are second-best. So you might as well put yourself first. Don't wait around for your partner to validate you, celebrate you, or do anything with you. Chances are if he or she is behaving like you are irrelevant, most likely he or she has lost interest in you for any number of reasons including you possibly being too available for him or her. Start planning your life that doesn't require much attention from your partner and watch what happens. If he or she sees that there is distance, maybe the individual will realize one just might be losing you.
Find the time to do some things together even if the moments are few and far in between. The upside is you will appreciate one another more and because you don't have much time to be together due to other responsibilities you just might make the most of it.
If you find that outside influences are impacting your relationship and it isn't all your partner's doing, then you might want to make your mate aware of what you have observed. Don't worry about what he or she says about your being "insecure, jealous, worry too much..." Continue to state how you feel and ask him or her to consider what you have said. You may even have to confront or expose someone at fault for their disrespectful behavior. If you don't want to deal with the person who you believe is causing a wedge in your relationship head-on, think of ways that will solve their situation so that he or she isn't relying on your mate so much even if that means volunteering your service every once in awhile. This way you can get to know this person a bit better and see up close and personal what is really going on with him or her when your partner isn't around. You can also share how much you love your partner and will stand by him or her through thick and thin. This way the individual has a sense that you are not weak and will not be used or abused by them. Don't ever share too much personal information that can be used against you later and whatever you do don't badmouth your partner to relatives and friends.
It hurts when you see that a partner is behaving rather accommodating to everyone else but you. You feel ignored, alone, and confused. If you have a personal faith, now is a good time to use it as well as draw on healthy support from individuals who have gone through something similar. If you can't withstand the agony of what is happening and you see no change with a partner after sharing your feelings, protect your heart, create distance, and re-evaluate whether you want to be in a relationship with someone like this.
Nicholl McGuire
Improve Your Online Dating Experiences, Prepare for What is Ahead
Let's face it, our Internet connections are technologically induced as well as the emotions that result. Images are altered to impress. Words are specially selected to persuade us to "choose me," chat and make an appointment to see a potential partner. Dating preferences are sometimes embellished to lure you in and keep you captivated. E-mail, text, and video stories are at times are vague, inaccurate or insulting. The voice on the other end of the phone or via video chat is controlled as well as behaviors. A stranger is careful not to irritate you or send you running. Most likely, these potential dates recall the arguments they had with exes and the barrage of insults they endured that revealed their weaknesses prior to connecting with you. Therefore, they know what to do to hide flaws so that they can attract new mates before the unsuspecting are on to their games.
So if you feel a tad bit tricked or cheated when it comes to online dating, you have been. There is only so much that one can do online as compared to offline. There are still many things about a person's body language, spirit, and demeanor that can be quite different when you see them face-to-face and spend much time with dates.
A young man approaches the computer screen eager to meet a woman who will give him some time, affection and possibly add benefits to his flourishing lifestyle. He joins an online dating website, fills out forms, answers survey questions, uploads his photo, and familiarizes himself with ice breakers and other features so that he is well-prepared and comfortable to generate conversation in the near future with the lovely ladies online. The bachelor doesn't pay too much attention to a dating websites rules and isn't the least bit interested in paying for any additional services. He just wants a companion.
When it comes to meeting that special someone we don't always get what we ordered from the Internet as you will read in a later chapter. Yet, those emotions we experienced that swept us away from a mere computer screen projecting an image of someone that may or may not be real, feel so genuine.
As time goes on, this same young man, as described earlier, will grow weary of the dating pool on one site, and contemplate on joining another and another and may even pay to get better service. The longer he sticks it out using dating websites and apps the chances he will meet more than just a companion. Possibly a character created from one's fantasy world like a model or a special design (autobot). The longing man talks with anyone or thing in the hopes that what he hopes is human won't let him down in the short or long term.
Speaking of bots (fake profiles built to enhance communication to build revenue for the dating site) daters find out sooner or later on many of the money-grabbing sites that they have been hooked into nothing more than an altered reality. They speak about their experiences in reviews. The bot will never lead to anything offline. However, some gullible members of these dating sites will keep on talking anyway being entertained by hot, imaginary friends.
The opportunists are out there in dating world and they aren't much interested in meeting someone as much as getting specific needs met. You will read about their agendas and possibly your own in the next chapter. In addition, you will find thoughts, experiences and more about Internet dating and why one will need to put the brakes on some things if you are just getting started or know someone who is in the online dating arena. Read about the pitfalls as well that some find themselves in because they started off looking to meet someone on the Internet for all the wrong reasons. When it is all said and done, you will have come away from reading this book understanding fully why it is so essential to take it slow when dating.
Want to read more? Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues by Nicholl McGuire is now available on Barnes & Noble online.
Dating Blues - Why Bother with Dating at this Time?
Over and over again a single woman is let down by a date.
She swipes, scrolls, and taps looking for her next encounter that will make her
forget about her last unsuccessful meeting. But to no avail, he seems to be
more problematic than the previous male that caught her eye.
A single man finally decides to make arrangements to date
again only to find out the dating scene hasn’t changed much. He is often
disappointed with what appears to look good on a dating profile but falls flat
once seen in person.
What is the problem with these two as well as many other
hopeful singles? There is no single answer and with every online or offline
exchange with a fellow single, you just can’t avoid the things you simply don’t
like about people. It goes back to what I mentioned in a previous blog entry
some years back, you have to accept the bitter with the sweet, the cons with
the pros, if you are determined to make things work with someone.
I recall setting my standards both high and low and the
outcome was the same, I still couldn’t connect with guys in the way that I
wanted. When I found more strengths than weaknesses with a couple guys, those
encounters led to marriages. As I learned more about myself and heard others’
dating experiences, I realized that many folks I talked to were either looking
at all that was right or all that was wrong with their partners. You don’t get
anywhere you want to go in a relationship when there is no balance on emotions,
work, money, or anything else. Throw in the “all or nothing” concept when in a
relationship with someone and that doesn’t seem to go over too well either. It
starts to feel more like an ultimatum, a concrete rule that no one can live up
to.
“Now you want me to give you something that I’m not quite
ready to give. Rather than ease into a relationship, you want me to be all
things to you based on a list you conjured up in your mind, right?” says the
one who feels like he or she has been backed up against a wall by a needy single.
If you know that you are just not doing good dating others
on or offline, try giving yourself a long break. Not the kind of break that lasts days, but
how about months or yes, even years. There is nothing wrong with not looking
for someone. It is usually when you are not seeking a partner that a good
friend shows up in your life when you least expect it.
As much as some of you would love to meet Mr. Right or Ms.
Right like right now, you will get out of the connection only what you are
willing to put in and for many singles they are not finding anything more than
sex. In time the sexual encounters lead to burnout and boredom, think about
this, you meet the guy or gal of your dreams and you can’t deliver emotionally
or physically in a way that they deserve. Take the long break and learn more
about you and what you need rather than what you want as well as what
weaknesses you are willing to tolerate in others.
Nicholl McGuire is the owner and manager of this blog.
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She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
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