When Dating a Man with Midlife Issues...
He left his wife. He broke up with a long time girlfriend. He bought a fancy car. He spends his money frivolously. He appears hot for many women and cold with the one who he claims to love the most (which he only met a few months ago). He shares sob stories that pull on the heart strings of those who he wants to impress. He is nice in public, but rude privately. He doesn't take much interest in his children's lives unless they make him look good in some way.
You may have met him or you just might one day. Someone in your circle may have warned you that this person is not worth dating long-term and "he is too old for you!" The mature man may have shared what his issues are with different individuals closest to him while closing his eyes and ears to their wisdom. If you should enter his life, you are a fountain of youth for a time, but how long you stay, well you might want to be watchful and plan accordingly--hopefully before children, marriage, joint investments, etc. these issues only further complicate matters.
You can't save a midlife man, so don't try. But how do you know that he is having a mid-life crisis of some kind?
1. He covers up his feelings while asking you many questions about you.
2. He changes past events especially those dealing with break ups so as to appear like he is a victim.
3. He isn't forthcoming about intimacy issues. You usually find out after having repeated sex.
4. He brags about his haves ie.) job, car, house, etc.
5. He hopes to find someone to help him obtain his have-nots--dropping hints that he needs your assistance with his dreams/goals. "Your so young, energetic...you could possibly help me with..."
6. He lies about mental and physical challenges. "I am in good health...like a 20 year old!"
7. He may appear like he has a faith when in fact he rarely trusts in God to save him.
8. He starts acting violently.
9. He pursues many interests (rarely sticks to any of them) or none at all.
10. He loses interests in things he once enjoyed ie.) travel and sex.
Avoid the mood swings, the cover ups/lies, and even the unresolved issues of a midlife man's past defeats with partner, children, job, etc. Midlife men who are still going through a myriad of changes will place blame on everyone else but themselves. They will somehow believe that others are the cause as to why they can't get ahead, can't do better, stay in a relationship, etc. when the truth is a hormonal man, like a hormonal woman, is his own worst enemy.
Nicholl McGuire also writes at Tips Dating Older, Younger.
You may have met him or you just might one day. Someone in your circle may have warned you that this person is not worth dating long-term and "he is too old for you!" The mature man may have shared what his issues are with different individuals closest to him while closing his eyes and ears to their wisdom. If you should enter his life, you are a fountain of youth for a time, but how long you stay, well you might want to be watchful and plan accordingly--hopefully before children, marriage, joint investments, etc. these issues only further complicate matters.
You can't save a midlife man, so don't try. But how do you know that he is having a mid-life crisis of some kind?
1. He covers up his feelings while asking you many questions about you.
2. He changes past events especially those dealing with break ups so as to appear like he is a victim.
3. He isn't forthcoming about intimacy issues. You usually find out after having repeated sex.
4. He brags about his haves ie.) job, car, house, etc.
5. He hopes to find someone to help him obtain his have-nots--dropping hints that he needs your assistance with his dreams/goals. "Your so young, energetic...you could possibly help me with..."
6. He lies about mental and physical challenges. "I am in good health...like a 20 year old!"
7. He may appear like he has a faith when in fact he rarely trusts in God to save him.
8. He starts acting violently.
9. He pursues many interests (rarely sticks to any of them) or none at all.
10. He loses interests in things he once enjoyed ie.) travel and sex.
Avoid the mood swings, the cover ups/lies, and even the unresolved issues of a midlife man's past defeats with partner, children, job, etc. Midlife men who are still going through a myriad of changes will place blame on everyone else but themselves. They will somehow believe that others are the cause as to why they can't get ahead, can't do better, stay in a relationship, etc. when the truth is a hormonal man, like a hormonal woman, is his own worst enemy.
Nicholl McGuire also writes at Tips Dating Older, Younger.
Lying About the Ex to Cover Up the Truth About Self
So many enter into relationships hoping to sell the new person on the "new and improved Me" that they end up lying about who they sincerely are, exaggerate their skills, or leave out details about one's past. What's worse is comitted couples will put down exs in such a way as to make their current partners look better. Meanwhile, the lies and exaggerations of one's lover clouds vision, even common sense. Throw sex in the mix, and the niave mate doesn't see beyond whatever picture a spouse/partner is painting.
Some will use manipulative techniques when they think they might be losing some ground with the new person. Therefore, putting down an ex is one of many ways to distract a partner from the truth. Others will do this because they secretly still love, respect or admire an ex, but don't want the current person to know it.
Many individuals divorce husbands and wives or break up with boyfriends and girlfriends because they discover they have been lied to for months or even years! From white lies to lies of omission, the relationship's shaky foundation was built on nothing more than an "open communication" of lies! Oh, how some just love to talk about "how open we are with one another..." but woe to them! What is in darkness always comes to light--what better time than the start of a new year!
Couples arguing over what one has spent on this item and that one and where did unexplained money go in the joint account? Insecure women questioning men on their whereabouts and who they were talking to or texting on the phone. Angry men threatening to hurt their partners because they don't like to be questioned. Much story-telling flies out of nasty mouths, "That wasn't f^*k*ng me...I don't know about that...What the h*ll are you talking about? I love you, can't you see that!?" No, there is no love, just lust for sex, money, and power. One is protecting his or her assets in more ways than one.
These liars end up getting involved with others and so the cycle continues! Sometimes children are caught in the middle of all the silly head games. Liars will use sons and daughters to act as if their mother or father's former partner is the bad guy or gal for this reason or that one. A gullible new partner will of course pity "the poor children..." and will act as a rescuer. The ex has painted a fantasy world where he or she is either hero or villain turned hero. He or she might admit to some wrong-doing, but will downplay events as to appear like he or she is sane while everyone else is insane. "My ex was crazy...I needed to get away from my ex because...My ex did this...my ex said that and this is the reason why we aren't together" you fill in the blank. Did you really tell the truth about everything?
The reality is an ex is a flawed human being, just like you, and one should look at his or her own lifestyle before judging others. No matter how bad that person might have been, just be grateful you are free and do your best in your current relationship so that it won't end in disaster too. Consider what you have to deal with in your new relationship; rather than focus on an old one--there is always something you will have to tolerate with any man or woman if you want it to work.
Everyone has issues, some more than others, but how we handle those issues are left up to each one of us. You can only get a way with a lie or many lies before you are found out. Some have had their partner's backgrounds pulled, social networking sites scoped, and even connections interviewed only to find out that The One, who they are so-called madly in love with, is nothing more than a liar and a cheat.
We all must be mindful of reacting to exes as if they are bad people who are out to hurt their former lovers. Chances are the person with us might have hurt the ex back in some way or may have started much of the drama with a roaming eye, secrets, and of course lies! Exs are like lighthouses they shine on murky waters--they expose liars. But ignorant people, don't value good resources. Brainwashed individuals don't see truth. There isn't something so special about any one of us that makes all others terrible people even if the liar convinces you that "You are the best...you are wonderful...you are so great!" Although it is nice to be complimented and praised for one thing or another, we must realize that the man or woman with many words of flattery can be heartless, selfish, cruel, and arrogant. There is a good reason why he or she is an ex.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself
Some will use manipulative techniques when they think they might be losing some ground with the new person. Therefore, putting down an ex is one of many ways to distract a partner from the truth. Others will do this because they secretly still love, respect or admire an ex, but don't want the current person to know it.
Many individuals divorce husbands and wives or break up with boyfriends and girlfriends because they discover they have been lied to for months or even years! From white lies to lies of omission, the relationship's shaky foundation was built on nothing more than an "open communication" of lies! Oh, how some just love to talk about "how open we are with one another..." but woe to them! What is in darkness always comes to light--what better time than the start of a new year!
Couples arguing over what one has spent on this item and that one and where did unexplained money go in the joint account? Insecure women questioning men on their whereabouts and who they were talking to or texting on the phone. Angry men threatening to hurt their partners because they don't like to be questioned. Much story-telling flies out of nasty mouths, "That wasn't f^*k*ng me...I don't know about that...What the h*ll are you talking about? I love you, can't you see that!?" No, there is no love, just lust for sex, money, and power. One is protecting his or her assets in more ways than one.
These liars end up getting involved with others and so the cycle continues! Sometimes children are caught in the middle of all the silly head games. Liars will use sons and daughters to act as if their mother or father's former partner is the bad guy or gal for this reason or that one. A gullible new partner will of course pity "the poor children..." and will act as a rescuer. The ex has painted a fantasy world where he or she is either hero or villain turned hero. He or she might admit to some wrong-doing, but will downplay events as to appear like he or she is sane while everyone else is insane. "My ex was crazy...I needed to get away from my ex because...My ex did this...my ex said that and this is the reason why we aren't together" you fill in the blank. Did you really tell the truth about everything?
The reality is an ex is a flawed human being, just like you, and one should look at his or her own lifestyle before judging others. No matter how bad that person might have been, just be grateful you are free and do your best in your current relationship so that it won't end in disaster too. Consider what you have to deal with in your new relationship; rather than focus on an old one--there is always something you will have to tolerate with any man or woman if you want it to work.
Everyone has issues, some more than others, but how we handle those issues are left up to each one of us. You can only get a way with a lie or many lies before you are found out. Some have had their partner's backgrounds pulled, social networking sites scoped, and even connections interviewed only to find out that The One, who they are so-called madly in love with, is nothing more than a liar and a cheat.
We all must be mindful of reacting to exes as if they are bad people who are out to hurt their former lovers. Chances are the person with us might have hurt the ex back in some way or may have started much of the drama with a roaming eye, secrets, and of course lies! Exs are like lighthouses they shine on murky waters--they expose liars. But ignorant people, don't value good resources. Brainwashed individuals don't see truth. There isn't something so special about any one of us that makes all others terrible people even if the liar convinces you that "You are the best...you are wonderful...you are so great!" Although it is nice to be complimented and praised for one thing or another, we must realize that the man or woman with many words of flattery can be heartless, selfish, cruel, and arrogant. There is a good reason why he or she is an ex.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself
Rant: Unreasonable Single Mothers - Dating Women with Children
Sometimes dating single moms just isn't wise for one who has no children. A person who is unwilling to make compromises, help with children, share money, time, etc. should avoid dating a woman with children. Dating single mothers is something that works well with others who may have children. Now there are those exceptions when a single man or woman has a high tolerance for a date with children. One should always test his or her to see if this person is really right for not only self, but family too. It is obvious that the young man speaking in this video, bit off more than he could chew. Motherhood isn't always a nice experience, and sometimes a frustrated mom will lash out on a man who she may not respect, because, in her eyes, he has child-like ways. She seeks a provider, not another person she might have to help apart from her children. Remember, children come with the package, so if you can't handle it, move on.
Are You Chemically Compatible?
While many choose to focus on whether interests are compatible, there is also something else you might want to consider as you discover more about your date, are you compatible chemically? Sometimes are bodies just sense that something just isn't right with a potential mate, heed the warning.
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She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?