So, you have met someone in a club, in the park or you and him/her were introduced by a friend. You have gone out with that person on a couple of dates and that person seems so perfect, so right! You decide to take this dating to the next level, so you start a relationship with this person. After months of seeing this person, you decide to move in with him/her; next thing you know, you are being abused by that person.
You can evade this whole scenario every time you go out on a date and trust that person that you are considering having a serious relationship with. Remember, many people are not honest about who they are until they are in deep in a relationship. Now, you should not be scared when it comes to dating but you should be careful, here are some tips on how to spot an abuser.
You can spot an abuser on your first 3-5 dates with that person, as long as you listen correctly. A date is all about knowing a person, not their whole life but at least the most important details and what makes them who they are. If that person is over aggressive and hateful, than there is your first sign that he/she is an abuser. An aggressive person tends to fight and hurt other people when they are simply arguing; their reason is that they cannot control their actions or their emotions. A hateful person is likely to abuse another person because after a while, that person will look at you with hate and disgust, no matter who you are, a hateful person gets tired of the same people in his/her life pretty quickly.
Another sign is when that person hears you spill out your whole life in those first couple of dates but that person barely tells you about his/her past. Maybe the person will tell you about his former job, his past friends or something about his mom or dad; but they don't tell you why they are single if they seem like such a good person. 99% of abusers are not going to tell you that they are an abuser, they wait for you to find out for yourself, then they spill out their life's story, when it is too late. That is why you have to spot the signs and keep your eye open.
One last sign is when that person is overly jealous, you look across the room in a restaurant or you talk to someone walking down the street and the person you are with jumps at you like an angry lion or he/she looks at you with a mean eye. That means that the person you are dating will be abusing you for anything that looks threatening to him/her. Jealousy comes from threats, when you talk to someone that looks better than the person you are with, that is a threat and the person you are with will get jealous. Remember, as long as it is a date, you are still able to talk to whomever you want to talk to.
If a person you are seeing has any of these signs, then throw him/her out the door because that person is not the one you want to spend your life with. Many people are abused in the United States and many are afraid to say anything, you have to be careful when you date someone so you don't end up hurt or even worse than that.
About The Author
Alexis Lopez is a proud father of three and one more on the way. He likes giving advice to those who seek it and to those who need it. Alex's wife Camille helps him out with his advice and his websites on the internet. He also has a love for making short fiction stories and science.
How to Catch a Cheating Partner
"The car broke down. I was miles from anywhere, I just couldn't contact you."
The cleverest of alibis will not count on the word of other people as they could potentially give away the secret. Why would you question their alibi if you had complete trust in them. However if you have reason to be suspicious, maybe you should be analysing your partners alibi a little more closely.
So let's look at ways that you can analyse their alibis if you want to try and catch out your cheating partner? Well, all you can do by yourself in these circumstances is ask your partner for as much detail as you can without raising suspicion yourself. Keep a record. The cheat will have to remember everything they said and corroborate it when you ask them again a few days or weeks later. Perhaps your partner claims to have broken down miles from anywhere. How did they get back? How long did it take? What was the weather like? Did anyone stop to help them?
How to Catch A Cheating Partner.
Whenever the car is part of an alibi, check it afterwards. If it broke down or got stuck in a field or ditch, look for mud and grass on the wheels. It would also be reasonable to assume then that your partner may have dirty shoes or clothes too, so check this out discreetly. Did they have anyone with them in the car? Check for signs of someone having been in the passenger seat.
Look in the glovebox and ashtray for anything unusual that may have been left behind. If your partner claims to have called a breakdown or recovery service you can easily verify their alibi. Providing you are one of the named drivers of the vehicle, most breakdown organisations will allow you to access the details of the event in question. Your partner says they couldn't contact you. Almost certainly a lie, most breakdown services offer to call the family or friends of the stranded party as a matter of course. It's a standard facility provided by most of the major breakdown services.
When we think about how to catch a cheating partner, there are a million and one alibis a cheat can offer. However if they give you an excuse that cannot be corroborated, this in itself is suspicious. Real day-to-day life just isn't like that. Use your common sense.
Take the alibi apart and check every minor detail, you may find your partner has been complaisant on some vital facts and you could easily catch them out by looking at details you would normally just accept as being true.
Stacey Kyzcinski is an expert in relationships and infidelity.
The cleverest of alibis will not count on the word of other people as they could potentially give away the secret. Why would you question their alibi if you had complete trust in them. However if you have reason to be suspicious, maybe you should be analysing your partners alibi a little more closely.
So let's look at ways that you can analyse their alibis if you want to try and catch out your cheating partner? Well, all you can do by yourself in these circumstances is ask your partner for as much detail as you can without raising suspicion yourself. Keep a record. The cheat will have to remember everything they said and corroborate it when you ask them again a few days or weeks later. Perhaps your partner claims to have broken down miles from anywhere. How did they get back? How long did it take? What was the weather like? Did anyone stop to help them?
How to Catch A Cheating Partner.
Whenever the car is part of an alibi, check it afterwards. If it broke down or got stuck in a field or ditch, look for mud and grass on the wheels. It would also be reasonable to assume then that your partner may have dirty shoes or clothes too, so check this out discreetly. Did they have anyone with them in the car? Check for signs of someone having been in the passenger seat.
Look in the glovebox and ashtray for anything unusual that may have been left behind. If your partner claims to have called a breakdown or recovery service you can easily verify their alibi. Providing you are one of the named drivers of the vehicle, most breakdown organisations will allow you to access the details of the event in question. Your partner says they couldn't contact you. Almost certainly a lie, most breakdown services offer to call the family or friends of the stranded party as a matter of course. It's a standard facility provided by most of the major breakdown services.
When we think about how to catch a cheating partner, there are a million and one alibis a cheat can offer. However if they give you an excuse that cannot be corroborated, this in itself is suspicious. Real day-to-day life just isn't like that. Use your common sense.
Take the alibi apart and check every minor detail, you may find your partner has been complaisant on some vital facts and you could easily catch them out by looking at details you would normally just accept as being true.
Stacey Kyzcinski is an expert in relationships and infidelity.
When You Just Want Your Ex Back...
Sometimes you realize that the grass just isn't greener on the other side. You thought that the relationship you were in was much worse than it was. You thought you didn't love him or her, but after time apart you realize that you really do! You desire to make things work, but your ex is still grappling with issues from the past and isn't convinced that you want to do right! What you need to do is get yourself mentally and physically together first! It's time to focus on you and the rest will follow, guaranteed! But you say you are together, good then just skip right to the link that says "click here!" The free information on the Internet will only tell you part of the story on what efforts you have to make to get your ex back (but you get what you pay for,) but if you want to know everything you have to do to get your ex back then invest a little money and alot more time. Here is a resource that will help you do just that...get your ex back!Click Here!
Emotional Infidelity In A Relationship: What Is Emotional Cheating?
People define cheating differently. Some people define it as an emotional act as well as a physical act and others just define it as a physical act.
That topic alone can cause some issues in a relationship if both parties define cheating differently.
So, in order to eliminate obstacles that may later come into play it's always best to make certain you know how the other person in the relationship defines something like that.
Although it's not pertinent that couples are exactly alike, there are obviously some important areas in a relationship which help uplift it rather than hinder it. And this type of topic can be one of those things.
Truthfully, I believe that it's difficult to keep the romance alive and a relationship on a positive note if you're unable to work in unity with your spouse. Especially if one of you defines cheating in one way and the other defines cheating in another way.
Usually, physical cheating is what we all refer to as cheating. It's a general consensus, so it's emotional cheating that can be the real culprit behind ruining a great relationship.
So we'll talk a bit about that today.
What Exactly is Emotional Cheating?
Well there are different levels of emotional cheating, but let's discuss the most significant forms of emotional cheating...
1) Lying by Omission
Some women consider cheating to be a secret that is kept from them. For instance, their spouse has a dinner date with another woman, but doesn't bother to mention it.
Whether this situation is considered cheating depends on the relationship you have with your partner and the type of friendships you have outside of your partnership.
Since the pendulum can swing either way it's best to make certain you both see eye-to-eye before it ever happens (if it ever does). Maybe you don't think it's important to mention it because it doesn't mean anything and mentioning it would give it more weight than it's worth, but it's best not to assume something like that but to talk it over instead.
The reason for that is because, on the contrary, some women feel that if it was so unimportant, then why not just mention it. It's a catch-22 situation. So, a constructive way to handle a circumstance like that it to discuss it with one another before it ever has a chance to occur.
2) The "Roaming Eye"
When I speak of the "roaming eye" I mean visual disrespect to your partner. Acknowledging someone's beauty is one thing, but the "roaming eye" is a much more intense act.
It's beyond acknowledgement. In a situation like that, fantasy creeps in and your partner feels mistreated or upset due to the act of disregarding her and making it clear you would like to have sex with the person in your sights.
Under those conditions, it can turn into a huge problem for the relationship. Of course, it's one thing to notice someone's beauty from time to time, but the "roaming eye" is another thing altogether. It can lead to insecurity issues, trust issues, and sometimes result in actual physical cheating.
So exactly what is the "roaming eye?"
Although I couldn't possibly mention everything, let's talk about the more obvious actions...
The "roaming eye" constitutes going to strip clubs, ogling women in the street, and commenting can also be a part of the issue in which verbal insinuations are made concerning what you would like to do with that person. Taken too far, it can be emotionally abusive to your partner and result in a destructive relationship that could eventually lead you both in separate directions.
So, a constructive way to handle this situation on a personal basis, is to treat any woman like you would want someone to treat your wife, sister, mother, or any other female that you regard with the highest respect.
Of course, it isn't always going to work because you're human, but it's a good place to start.
By asking yourself, "How do I want other men to treat my partner?" can help you change the entire way you see things.
For example, someone ogling your wife in a disrespectful way is most likely something you would not take kindly to. Perhaps you'd even be infuriated if you witnessed it happening. So, if you apply those feelings to a woman that catches your eye, it makes it somewhat easier to want to treat that person with a lot more respect.
After all she is someone else's relative. Obviously not yours, but someone's.
3) Physical Contact
This type of emotional cheating occurs when you go to strip clubs and receive lap dances or some other similar type of contact from the opposite sex.
As a man, you may not consider this as cheating, but your partner may. As a result, this induces conflict in the relationship in which your partner feels betrayed and you feel as if you didn't do anything wrong.
If this does occur, a constructive way to handle this is to put yourself in your partner's shoes or put your partner in the stripper's shoes.
For example, would you want her in a male strip club receiving lap dances? Or would you want your wife in front of other men stripping and giving other men lap dances?
Chances are good the answer is "no." If you reverse the situation, it's easy enough to look at it constructively so that the two of you can work on resolving the issue by basing it on the old saying, "treat others the way you want (your wife) to be treated."
Be objective, be honest, and most of all... be fair. Work hard at trying not to give yourself extra privileges you wouldn't give your spouse. Make it your responsibility to be considerate to other women just as you would want another man to be considerate to your wife.
You're no exception to the rule.
Work Together in Unity
Since this issue is such a big one, it's important to sit down with one another and discuss why it's happening if you aren't in agreement about your actions, because a great relationship is built on unity between a man and woman and if there isn't any unity... it will lead to a lot of problems.
As a man, some of the distraction you're fighting against is biological which is often due to visual stimuli which you can't help. But that doesn't mean the promotion of that behavior is necessarily right. It's one thing to have a natural response to something like that, but it's another thing to use that natural response to benefit you in continuing on in that behavior.
An important thing to do is to make certain that excuses on either end aren't being made. Excuses and denial don't resolve anything. Serious situations like that require both parties to own up to their faults.
Pride should be left at the back door, so your relationship doesn't take a beating because of it. Avoid treating it like a game of matching pride against pride.
To eliminate pride in the beginning, you may find it a good idea to talk about how you want to handle the discussion on each end before you bring up the conversation.
Consider saying something like...
"I wanted to talk to you about something, but before I bring it up, I thought maybe we could talk about how we want to handle this conversation, because I don't want anything getting in the way of us resolving it. I know sometimes I can be stubborn, so I feel it's important for me to say that when we discuss this I don't plan on allowing that to interfere with us fixing this situation."
When confronting it like that, it allows the problem to take the forefront so that when you do end up discussing it, it makes it easier for you both to stay focused on the topic at hand and keep it on a positive note.
You can then discuss it in layers by trying to explain why you do what you do (besides the obvious reasons) and she can explain how it makes her feel and then you can both focus on how to resolve the issue together--in unity.
It's easy to feel that emotional cheating doesn't hurt anyone, because in certain ways it can be defined as an invisible act, but don't underestimate the damage that it can have on a relationship. It can do just as much damage as its lethal counterpart "physical cheating."
Sure, there may not be any touching involved, but infidelity is not just a physical act. Remember, be objective, be honest, and most of all... be fair. You are no exception to the rule.
Work hard at being faithful to your partner in more ways than one--mind and body.
Tameka Norris is the founder of Romantic Short Love Stories. Offering the best of both worlds with true love stories, romantic fiction, love poetry, romance articles, tutorials, and advice on romance and relationships. Visit http://www.romantic-short-love-stories.com
That topic alone can cause some issues in a relationship if both parties define cheating differently.
So, in order to eliminate obstacles that may later come into play it's always best to make certain you know how the other person in the relationship defines something like that.
Although it's not pertinent that couples are exactly alike, there are obviously some important areas in a relationship which help uplift it rather than hinder it. And this type of topic can be one of those things.
Truthfully, I believe that it's difficult to keep the romance alive and a relationship on a positive note if you're unable to work in unity with your spouse. Especially if one of you defines cheating in one way and the other defines cheating in another way.
Usually, physical cheating is what we all refer to as cheating. It's a general consensus, so it's emotional cheating that can be the real culprit behind ruining a great relationship.
So we'll talk a bit about that today.
What Exactly is Emotional Cheating?
Well there are different levels of emotional cheating, but let's discuss the most significant forms of emotional cheating...
1) Lying by Omission
Some women consider cheating to be a secret that is kept from them. For instance, their spouse has a dinner date with another woman, but doesn't bother to mention it.
Whether this situation is considered cheating depends on the relationship you have with your partner and the type of friendships you have outside of your partnership.
Since the pendulum can swing either way it's best to make certain you both see eye-to-eye before it ever happens (if it ever does). Maybe you don't think it's important to mention it because it doesn't mean anything and mentioning it would give it more weight than it's worth, but it's best not to assume something like that but to talk it over instead.
The reason for that is because, on the contrary, some women feel that if it was so unimportant, then why not just mention it. It's a catch-22 situation. So, a constructive way to handle a circumstance like that it to discuss it with one another before it ever has a chance to occur.
2) The "Roaming Eye"
When I speak of the "roaming eye" I mean visual disrespect to your partner. Acknowledging someone's beauty is one thing, but the "roaming eye" is a much more intense act.
It's beyond acknowledgement. In a situation like that, fantasy creeps in and your partner feels mistreated or upset due to the act of disregarding her and making it clear you would like to have sex with the person in your sights.
Under those conditions, it can turn into a huge problem for the relationship. Of course, it's one thing to notice someone's beauty from time to time, but the "roaming eye" is another thing altogether. It can lead to insecurity issues, trust issues, and sometimes result in actual physical cheating.
So exactly what is the "roaming eye?"
Although I couldn't possibly mention everything, let's talk about the more obvious actions...
The "roaming eye" constitutes going to strip clubs, ogling women in the street, and commenting can also be a part of the issue in which verbal insinuations are made concerning what you would like to do with that person. Taken too far, it can be emotionally abusive to your partner and result in a destructive relationship that could eventually lead you both in separate directions.
So, a constructive way to handle this situation on a personal basis, is to treat any woman like you would want someone to treat your wife, sister, mother, or any other female that you regard with the highest respect.
Of course, it isn't always going to work because you're human, but it's a good place to start.
By asking yourself, "How do I want other men to treat my partner?" can help you change the entire way you see things.
For example, someone ogling your wife in a disrespectful way is most likely something you would not take kindly to. Perhaps you'd even be infuriated if you witnessed it happening. So, if you apply those feelings to a woman that catches your eye, it makes it somewhat easier to want to treat that person with a lot more respect.
After all she is someone else's relative. Obviously not yours, but someone's.
3) Physical Contact
This type of emotional cheating occurs when you go to strip clubs and receive lap dances or some other similar type of contact from the opposite sex.
As a man, you may not consider this as cheating, but your partner may. As a result, this induces conflict in the relationship in which your partner feels betrayed and you feel as if you didn't do anything wrong.
If this does occur, a constructive way to handle this is to put yourself in your partner's shoes or put your partner in the stripper's shoes.
For example, would you want her in a male strip club receiving lap dances? Or would you want your wife in front of other men stripping and giving other men lap dances?
Chances are good the answer is "no." If you reverse the situation, it's easy enough to look at it constructively so that the two of you can work on resolving the issue by basing it on the old saying, "treat others the way you want (your wife) to be treated."
Be objective, be honest, and most of all... be fair. Work hard at trying not to give yourself extra privileges you wouldn't give your spouse. Make it your responsibility to be considerate to other women just as you would want another man to be considerate to your wife.
You're no exception to the rule.
Work Together in Unity
Since this issue is such a big one, it's important to sit down with one another and discuss why it's happening if you aren't in agreement about your actions, because a great relationship is built on unity between a man and woman and if there isn't any unity... it will lead to a lot of problems.
As a man, some of the distraction you're fighting against is biological which is often due to visual stimuli which you can't help. But that doesn't mean the promotion of that behavior is necessarily right. It's one thing to have a natural response to something like that, but it's another thing to use that natural response to benefit you in continuing on in that behavior.
An important thing to do is to make certain that excuses on either end aren't being made. Excuses and denial don't resolve anything. Serious situations like that require both parties to own up to their faults.
Pride should be left at the back door, so your relationship doesn't take a beating because of it. Avoid treating it like a game of matching pride against pride.
To eliminate pride in the beginning, you may find it a good idea to talk about how you want to handle the discussion on each end before you bring up the conversation.
Consider saying something like...
"I wanted to talk to you about something, but before I bring it up, I thought maybe we could talk about how we want to handle this conversation, because I don't want anything getting in the way of us resolving it. I know sometimes I can be stubborn, so I feel it's important for me to say that when we discuss this I don't plan on allowing that to interfere with us fixing this situation."
When confronting it like that, it allows the problem to take the forefront so that when you do end up discussing it, it makes it easier for you both to stay focused on the topic at hand and keep it on a positive note.
You can then discuss it in layers by trying to explain why you do what you do (besides the obvious reasons) and she can explain how it makes her feel and then you can both focus on how to resolve the issue together--in unity.
It's easy to feel that emotional cheating doesn't hurt anyone, because in certain ways it can be defined as an invisible act, but don't underestimate the damage that it can have on a relationship. It can do just as much damage as its lethal counterpart "physical cheating."
Sure, there may not be any touching involved, but infidelity is not just a physical act. Remember, be objective, be honest, and most of all... be fair. You are no exception to the rule.
Work hard at being faithful to your partner in more ways than one--mind and body.
Tameka Norris is the founder of Romantic Short Love Stories. Offering the best of both worlds with true love stories, romantic fiction, love poetry, romance articles, tutorials, and advice on romance and relationships. Visit http://www.romantic-short-love-stories.com
The Need For Emotional Intimacy
"My husband and I have a great working relationship. He's great to the kids, he's nice to me, he works hard on the house but he isn't very interested in getting to know me for who I really am. Any exploration around personal growth is threatening to him. Sometimes I feel so depressed to think I'll spend the rest of my life with this person when I want so much more, but there isn't anything wrong to point to as to why I would leave."
Nellie was having her first phone counseling session with me.
The problem was that Nellie was discounting her deep need for emotional intimacy - her deep need to know and be known, her deep need for emotional connection. Stating that, "there isn't anything wrong to point to" indicated how little she understood her need for emotional intimacy and connection.
For most people, emotional intimacy and connection is absolutely necessary to thrive. So what does a person like Nellie need to do when she has a children and she doesn't want to break up the family? What is she to do when she really needs something that her husband in unwilling or unable to give to her?
If Nellie wants to stay in her marriage, then she needs to accept the lack of intimacy and have her personal growth explorations elsewhere - with friends, groups, and workshops. It is possible to accept a companionship relationship for the raising of children. Many couples create excellent companionship relationships when they are willing to let go of both physical and emotional intimacy.
With Nellie, one of the problems was that her husband would get angry and withdraw when she didn't want to make love with him. There was no way Nellie could feel turned to her husband, Brad, when there was no emotional intimacy - no sense of connection. If Brad was willing to accept the lack of sexuality, then they could make it work. But if he continued to get angry and withdraw, then Nellie would have to explore other options.
If Nellie learns to take loving care of herself and stop buying into Brad's anger, then his controlling behavior would no longer work for him. If she learned to get her emotional needs met elsewhere and disengaged when Brad was acting like a needy little boy, then his behavior might change. Or it might not.
If it doesn't and If the anger and withdrawal, lack of intimacy and the sexual pull is not acceptable and Nellie is willing to leave, then she would need to let him know that and see if he would be willing to open with her. I have had many husbands, who were dragged to one of my 5-Day Couples Intensives, really open and move beyond their fears of personal growth and emotional intimacy.
The first thing that needs to happen is that Nellie needs to validate her need for connection and emotional intimacy, especially in order to feel sexual. Once she stops feeling guilty for how she feels and learns to take loving action in her own behalf, then she can see what the reality of the situation is. While Brad is afraid of intimacy and growth, he might be even more afraid of losing Nellie. When he sees that his anger and withdrawal no longer work to make her feel guilty and responsible for him, he might decide to open.
The only way that Nellie will know if Brad will open or not is to learn to take 100% responsibility for her own feeling and needs. As long as she is trying to get Brad to change, she will be stuck feel unhappy. It is always well worth doing your inner work to try to save a marriage, whatever the outcome. If the marriage improves - great! If it doesn't, you will have learned what you needed to learn to not make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
Nellie was having her first phone counseling session with me.
The problem was that Nellie was discounting her deep need for emotional intimacy - her deep need to know and be known, her deep need for emotional connection. Stating that, "there isn't anything wrong to point to" indicated how little she understood her need for emotional intimacy and connection.
For most people, emotional intimacy and connection is absolutely necessary to thrive. So what does a person like Nellie need to do when she has a children and she doesn't want to break up the family? What is she to do when she really needs something that her husband in unwilling or unable to give to her?
If Nellie wants to stay in her marriage, then she needs to accept the lack of intimacy and have her personal growth explorations elsewhere - with friends, groups, and workshops. It is possible to accept a companionship relationship for the raising of children. Many couples create excellent companionship relationships when they are willing to let go of both physical and emotional intimacy.
With Nellie, one of the problems was that her husband would get angry and withdraw when she didn't want to make love with him. There was no way Nellie could feel turned to her husband, Brad, when there was no emotional intimacy - no sense of connection. If Brad was willing to accept the lack of sexuality, then they could make it work. But if he continued to get angry and withdraw, then Nellie would have to explore other options.
If Nellie learns to take loving care of herself and stop buying into Brad's anger, then his controlling behavior would no longer work for him. If she learned to get her emotional needs met elsewhere and disengaged when Brad was acting like a needy little boy, then his behavior might change. Or it might not.
If it doesn't and If the anger and withdrawal, lack of intimacy and the sexual pull is not acceptable and Nellie is willing to leave, then she would need to let him know that and see if he would be willing to open with her. I have had many husbands, who were dragged to one of my 5-Day Couples Intensives, really open and move beyond their fears of personal growth and emotional intimacy.
The first thing that needs to happen is that Nellie needs to validate her need for connection and emotional intimacy, especially in order to feel sexual. Once she stops feeling guilty for how she feels and learns to take loving action in her own behalf, then she can see what the reality of the situation is. While Brad is afraid of intimacy and growth, he might be even more afraid of losing Nellie. When he sees that his anger and withdrawal no longer work to make her feel guilty and responsible for him, he might decide to open.
The only way that Nellie will know if Brad will open or not is to learn to take 100% responsibility for her own feeling and needs. As long as she is trying to get Brad to change, she will be stuck feel unhappy. It is always well worth doing your inner work to try to save a marriage, whatever the outcome. If the marriage improves - great! If it doesn't, you will have learned what you needed to learn to not make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
Telling the Truth About The Breakup
I know why many people who beakup won't tell certain family members and friends the truth about why they broke up with their partner, in one word, FEAR. They are fearful of the "I told you so" comments, fearful of the way they will be viewed if they were responsible for the breakup, fearful that they will be told off, fearful that no one will listen, and fearful of what might be done to them for breaking up. So they develop a fantastic story, one that will make it look like it wasn't their idea to end the relationship. They will use the popular statement of, "We just couldn't see eye-to-eye, we couldn't get along..." Of course, we all know that there are two sides to every story, but let's be honest, which one will you believe? And do you really think that both people are responsible for the breakup? The truth is one usually started the "breakup ball" rolling and the other had no choice but to go along with it!
Usually the one who is responsible will say what he or she thinks happened and describe the breakup in such a way so that you can't say much of anything but, "Oh..." In my own personal experience, I can tell you that the men knew early on that I was fed up with them, but they wanted to gain some control over the situation by taking some action such as looking for a place to stay behind my back or telling others what their intentions were and leaving me out the loop while trying to convince me they are willing to work on the relationship. I think that is the worst thing you can do to a partner that you claim you love is wear two faces! One for he or she and another for the rest of the world. To walk around in the family home and agree to do some things differently to help grow the relationship while thinking in your mind, "I'm not interested in this person anymore." Is downright mean and deceitful and I can't help but wish that "what goes around comes back around" to those who want to behave in this way! A great smokescreen to keep one off balance, but eventually it falls off and the truth comes to light!
I hate liars, I do. I hate when someone comes to me with their story of breakup and then they want to lie about the details. Why bother telling your story if you are not going to be honest? The truth is that most often the one coming up with the "PR (public relations) campaign" is the one who caused the most damage to the relationship.
Sometimes telling the truth about a breakup opens up doors that many just want to keep closed, but there is a way to do just that without being deceptive. I guess the moral of this blog entry, is to be careful what public relations campaign you come up with, because it will only be a matter of time when the truth comes out!
Written by Nicholl McGuire, http://www.twitter.com/datingdramas
Usually the one who is responsible will say what he or she thinks happened and describe the breakup in such a way so that you can't say much of anything but, "Oh..." In my own personal experience, I can tell you that the men knew early on that I was fed up with them, but they wanted to gain some control over the situation by taking some action such as looking for a place to stay behind my back or telling others what their intentions were and leaving me out the loop while trying to convince me they are willing to work on the relationship. I think that is the worst thing you can do to a partner that you claim you love is wear two faces! One for he or she and another for the rest of the world. To walk around in the family home and agree to do some things differently to help grow the relationship while thinking in your mind, "I'm not interested in this person anymore." Is downright mean and deceitful and I can't help but wish that "what goes around comes back around" to those who want to behave in this way! A great smokescreen to keep one off balance, but eventually it falls off and the truth comes to light!
I hate liars, I do. I hate when someone comes to me with their story of breakup and then they want to lie about the details. Why bother telling your story if you are not going to be honest? The truth is that most often the one coming up with the "PR (public relations) campaign" is the one who caused the most damage to the relationship.
Sometimes telling the truth about a breakup opens up doors that many just want to keep closed, but there is a way to do just that without being deceptive. I guess the moral of this blog entry, is to be careful what public relations campaign you come up with, because it will only be a matter of time when the truth comes out!
Written by Nicholl McGuire, http://www.twitter.com/datingdramas
How To Get The Chemistry In Your Relationship Back
Most relationships start out in a way that its like there’s fireworks everytime the two people are together. Both of you just cant get enough of each other, you enjoy the times you spend together and cant wait to do it again. There is some kind of chemistry developing between the two of you that just seems to bind and fuse the two of you together the more you spend more time with each other. Sparks just seem to fly when you get together and more and more people tend to notice the chemistry between the two of you.
Everybody tends to say that a two person have chemistry when they are fit for each other. Its more than just a cliché since chemistry cant really be described, its just the way two persons seem to just click. You know you have chemistry with another person when your knees start shaking everytime you are near her, you begin to stammer, your stomach feels like a haven for butterflies and you get all sweaty all the time. Chemistry could be another word for love but in some cases, the chemistry might be gone but love could still be present. That’s why some people would like to revive the chemistry in their relationship because they still love the person and would like to make the relationship better; like that way it used to be when they fell in love with one another.
The rush one gets when they are in love, it’s like having a triple shot of espresso. It’s like your always high and on top of the world. Your heart is racing everytime your near your partner and you develop powerful feelings that are just constantly nagging for attention, you cant explain what it is, but its there. But after a certain period of time, some relationships get past the chemistry and the momentum wanes, you have gone past the “honeymoon period.” Many have strived to get their chemistry back; here are some tips on how to get your chemistry back.
Chemistry can either be through physical and emotional. Physical chemistry deals with the way we are attracted to our parents on the physical level. In some relationships, the partners tend to be too relaxed and comfortable with their relationship that they have a tendency to let go of their physical looks. When this happens, one partner may lose their physical attraction and their physical chemistry as well. Some cases have shown that physical chemistry may also be about the great sex they have, when this type of physical chemistry is forgotten and the sex becomes too regular and boring, the physical chemistry may be lost. Loss of attention to the physical attributes and to the physical contact is what causes these problems, try to get yourself back in shape and try to look good for your partner, this will show that you don’t take your partner for granted and you still want to look good for them. In regards to sex, try to be adventurous, think up of ways which can spicen up your sexual activities to make them more exciting and adventurous for both of you. This will rekindle the physical chemistry that has decreased over the years.
With emotional chemistry, this could be because we have grown tired with our partner because of the routine becoming too routinely. Refresh your emotional chemistry for each other by taking in a new perspective about each other. Take vacations, act out your fantasies, be open to one another and find a solution on how to bring the sparks back to each other. Try to discover what the both of you want out of the relationship and build on that. Be open to new ideas and never contradict. The less fight the better it is to strengthen the ties that bind you together. If you truly love one another, you will find out how to get the chemistry back in your relationship.
Everybody tends to say that a two person have chemistry when they are fit for each other. Its more than just a cliché since chemistry cant really be described, its just the way two persons seem to just click. You know you have chemistry with another person when your knees start shaking everytime you are near her, you begin to stammer, your stomach feels like a haven for butterflies and you get all sweaty all the time. Chemistry could be another word for love but in some cases, the chemistry might be gone but love could still be present. That’s why some people would like to revive the chemistry in their relationship because they still love the person and would like to make the relationship better; like that way it used to be when they fell in love with one another.
The rush one gets when they are in love, it’s like having a triple shot of espresso. It’s like your always high and on top of the world. Your heart is racing everytime your near your partner and you develop powerful feelings that are just constantly nagging for attention, you cant explain what it is, but its there. But after a certain period of time, some relationships get past the chemistry and the momentum wanes, you have gone past the “honeymoon period.” Many have strived to get their chemistry back; here are some tips on how to get your chemistry back.
Chemistry can either be through physical and emotional. Physical chemistry deals with the way we are attracted to our parents on the physical level. In some relationships, the partners tend to be too relaxed and comfortable with their relationship that they have a tendency to let go of their physical looks. When this happens, one partner may lose their physical attraction and their physical chemistry as well. Some cases have shown that physical chemistry may also be about the great sex they have, when this type of physical chemistry is forgotten and the sex becomes too regular and boring, the physical chemistry may be lost. Loss of attention to the physical attributes and to the physical contact is what causes these problems, try to get yourself back in shape and try to look good for your partner, this will show that you don’t take your partner for granted and you still want to look good for them. In regards to sex, try to be adventurous, think up of ways which can spicen up your sexual activities to make them more exciting and adventurous for both of you. This will rekindle the physical chemistry that has decreased over the years.
With emotional chemistry, this could be because we have grown tired with our partner because of the routine becoming too routinely. Refresh your emotional chemistry for each other by taking in a new perspective about each other. Take vacations, act out your fantasies, be open to one another and find a solution on how to bring the sparks back to each other. Try to discover what the both of you want out of the relationship and build on that. Be open to new ideas and never contradict. The less fight the better it is to strengthen the ties that bind you together. If you truly love one another, you will find out how to get the chemistry back in your relationship.
Depression in Women - What Men Ought to Know - [Men Are Invited to Read This Article]
Healthy parents raise emotionally healthy babies and a mother’s influence towards the same is great. No body can deny it. Hence it is imperative that females should have good mental health. The reality is, about 20 to 25 percent of women suffers with depression in their life time against 7 to 12 percent of men. This shows that women are very much prone to depressed than men. Depression strikes older women more often than men
In addition to environmental stressors and psychosocial factors, women are also influenced by biological factors to get depressed. That is why women are much prone to getting depressed than men
Reproductive systems like menstrual cycle, pregnancy, post pregnancy, hormonal genetic systems, infertility, decision of not having children, menopause are the leading factors for getting depression for women as far as biological factors are concerned.
Also other factors like Psychological which are clusters of certain personality traits, physical or sexual abuse and inadequate ways of coping problems leads to depression in women. They also have difficulties, coping with the demands of adjustment in newly married lives. In any family women’s initiative in taking care of old parents and upbringing the children are crucial. In addition to that if a mom goes for work, then she has a great responsibility of managing both the work and family. This keeps her running all the time. If women is housewife or becomes old, then she gets a lonely feeling after the children goes for school or job and husband to work. She will start thinking that the busy husband and children are not hearing and understanding her feelings. And if there is no intimate relationship with the husband the problem will be still worse. It will be so severe in case of divorce.
Women face depression due to hormonal changes after giving birth to child. These hormones have an effect on the brain chemistry that controls emotions and mood.
1) Baby blues – It happens in the day’s right after childbirth. The mother’s mood will swing. One time she will be very happy and immediately she will become sad. They feel irritable, impatient, anxious and restless. This will be only for one to two weeks after delivery and do not require any medication .During this period the new mother should socialize with other new mothers. This will help them to become normal.
2) Postpartum depression (PPD) - It can happen immediately after giving birth or even months after child birth. This is strong and effective than baby blue and persists as long as one year. On seriousness it requires medication. This type of depression can happen after the birth of any child and not confined only to the first child.
3) Postpartum psychosis-It happens to new mother within three months after giving birth. This is serious and severe. The mother will go out of reality. The symptoms are insomnia and angry and they need treatment
Researchers indicate that 74.4% women are not depressed either antenatally or postnatally and 4.8% women are depressed on at least one of two occasions’ .But 1.4% women persistently depressed on both occasions.
During menstrual cycle, in some women there will be recurrent brief depression which will be very brief. Some women experience behavioral and physical changes during the phases of their menstrual cycle. In some women the changes begin after ovulation till menstruation starts. It is called Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) – If the same thing is very severe and occurs regularly with other emotional physical changes including irritability and depression then it is called premenstrual dysphonic disorder (PMDD) which requires medication.
In old age during the transition into menopause, some women experience an increased risk for depression. These problems are not for men. Hence women have double the chance of getting depressed than men.
Depression in women is very serious and as a chain reaction it affects the family. Even stress during pregnancy can increase the chance of child getting depressed when becoming an adult. Hence women should be careful and should be aware of depression on how to avoid it. During pregnancy men should take care of their partner and ensure their partner is happy.
The first thing is, all men should understand the biological factors of women which also lead to depression in them. Having understood about that, men should handle the feelings of women in women’s perspective. They should understand the responsibilities of women at workplace and in family. They should be supportive to women. Seventy five percent of the problem will get solved by this.
A woman cannot avoid the biological factors and family responsibility. But what is in her control is her approach towards the issues and how she manages it. Usually women who are very much pessimistic thinkers and having low self esteem are prone to depression.
Education which brings financial freedom for women plays an important role in improving self esteem. They should have good reasoning power and logical approach in dealing with the issues.
Women should be social, they should not be isolated. Having a good network of friends will help them to share the issues and get genuine inputs and solutions to solve problems; this certainly helps in the event of not able to solve the problems of their own. They should not be shy of sharing their problem with others. Women do not assume that others will think that they are worthless if they seek others help. In fact so many people will be glad to help.
For women--Avoid stress, have good eating habits. Think great of you. Always try to be happy. SMILE. Have good sleep. Importantly, plan your finances. Done, you won’t be affected by depression.
About the Author
http://sites.google.com/site/contenttree/ email: 1.rejuvenate@gmail.com
In addition to environmental stressors and psychosocial factors, women are also influenced by biological factors to get depressed. That is why women are much prone to getting depressed than men
Reproductive systems like menstrual cycle, pregnancy, post pregnancy, hormonal genetic systems, infertility, decision of not having children, menopause are the leading factors for getting depression for women as far as biological factors are concerned.
Also other factors like Psychological which are clusters of certain personality traits, physical or sexual abuse and inadequate ways of coping problems leads to depression in women. They also have difficulties, coping with the demands of adjustment in newly married lives. In any family women’s initiative in taking care of old parents and upbringing the children are crucial. In addition to that if a mom goes for work, then she has a great responsibility of managing both the work and family. This keeps her running all the time. If women is housewife or becomes old, then she gets a lonely feeling after the children goes for school or job and husband to work. She will start thinking that the busy husband and children are not hearing and understanding her feelings. And if there is no intimate relationship with the husband the problem will be still worse. It will be so severe in case of divorce.
Women face depression due to hormonal changes after giving birth to child. These hormones have an effect on the brain chemistry that controls emotions and mood.
1) Baby blues – It happens in the day’s right after childbirth. The mother’s mood will swing. One time she will be very happy and immediately she will become sad. They feel irritable, impatient, anxious and restless. This will be only for one to two weeks after delivery and do not require any medication .During this period the new mother should socialize with other new mothers. This will help them to become normal.
2) Postpartum depression (PPD) - It can happen immediately after giving birth or even months after child birth. This is strong and effective than baby blue and persists as long as one year. On seriousness it requires medication. This type of depression can happen after the birth of any child and not confined only to the first child.
3) Postpartum psychosis-It happens to new mother within three months after giving birth. This is serious and severe. The mother will go out of reality. The symptoms are insomnia and angry and they need treatment
Researchers indicate that 74.4% women are not depressed either antenatally or postnatally and 4.8% women are depressed on at least one of two occasions’ .But 1.4% women persistently depressed on both occasions.
During menstrual cycle, in some women there will be recurrent brief depression which will be very brief. Some women experience behavioral and physical changes during the phases of their menstrual cycle. In some women the changes begin after ovulation till menstruation starts. It is called Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) – If the same thing is very severe and occurs regularly with other emotional physical changes including irritability and depression then it is called premenstrual dysphonic disorder (PMDD) which requires medication.
In old age during the transition into menopause, some women experience an increased risk for depression. These problems are not for men. Hence women have double the chance of getting depressed than men.
Depression in women is very serious and as a chain reaction it affects the family. Even stress during pregnancy can increase the chance of child getting depressed when becoming an adult. Hence women should be careful and should be aware of depression on how to avoid it. During pregnancy men should take care of their partner and ensure their partner is happy.
The first thing is, all men should understand the biological factors of women which also lead to depression in them. Having understood about that, men should handle the feelings of women in women’s perspective. They should understand the responsibilities of women at workplace and in family. They should be supportive to women. Seventy five percent of the problem will get solved by this.
A woman cannot avoid the biological factors and family responsibility. But what is in her control is her approach towards the issues and how she manages it. Usually women who are very much pessimistic thinkers and having low self esteem are prone to depression.
Education which brings financial freedom for women plays an important role in improving self esteem. They should have good reasoning power and logical approach in dealing with the issues.
Women should be social, they should not be isolated. Having a good network of friends will help them to share the issues and get genuine inputs and solutions to solve problems; this certainly helps in the event of not able to solve the problems of their own. They should not be shy of sharing their problem with others. Women do not assume that others will think that they are worthless if they seek others help. In fact so many people will be glad to help.
For women--Avoid stress, have good eating habits. Think great of you. Always try to be happy. SMILE. Have good sleep. Importantly, plan your finances. Done, you won’t be affected by depression.
About the Author
http://sites.google.com/site/contenttree/ email: 1.rejuvenate@gmail.com
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