Let's face it, it isn't easy getting the woman you want, there is alot of work involved; and then even after the fresh haircut, new wardrobe and some extra cash, things still don't work --it can only mean one thing, back to the drawing board!
If you are willing to invest in your look, then you are willing to invest in the education of "How To" get a girl and we aren't talking about freebie tips from the Internet. Visit www.improverelations1.blogspot.com It is at this link you will find some books written by experts skilled in solving relationship issues. Proven strategies that work. So put on your thinking cap and click today!
But if you still would like a few freebie tips to get you started finding the woman that is right for you, then do the following, if you haven't already:
1. Revaluate you appearance and body. Oftentimes men are in search of women without a care about their extra belly fat or smelly breath. Ask a close relative or friend what is it about you that would turn a woman off. You may already know the answer to that one, so do something about it!
2. Find an interest or hobby that will make you stand out in the crowd. Women know about men's love of sports and lazy weekends in front of the television and if you do this, then you need an upgrade. There is more to a man besides his penis and money. Smart women know this and will not settle with you for long if you have nothing more to offer besides who is the best basketball player and which baseballplayer has the most homeruns in history- big deal!?
3. Stop involving yourself with so many affairs. The women friends, the guy friends and everything else in between. Some of you are so interesting and outgoing to the point that you don't know when to settle down. A woman would like a man who knows how to balance his time. There is the day out with the guys, but there are no days out with the girlfriends, so if you think that once a woman has sex with you she will continue to be fine with that, think again. The best advice you should take is keep women friends at a distance and if you must be involved with the woman friend make the time to introduce her to your new significant which leads to point four.
4. Don't keep secrets. Whatever you did in the past and you know it won't resurface then keep that to yourself. But if you have, a stalker, outstanding credit card debt, you shop at the local discount store and you have parking tickets, then be honest. Don't be flamboyant with your money when you know you don't have any or hide behing a bush when your stalker is in the neighborhood!
5. You have a history of physical abuse and/or verbal abuse. If you never sought counseling the last thing you need to do is get a girl. Do you really think that when times get rough in the relationship that she will not yell at you, possibly throw something and you won't be tempted to hit her? The reality is you will hit her, so don't test yourself, get the help you need before you start dating again.
6. Don't get your family involved in everything you do in trying to find your girl. If you get them involved in everything early on, they won't suddenly stop asking you questions and wanting for the two of you to make it to every family event. Be private about some of the things you desire in a relationship. Avoid calling everyone so often during the week that you find yourself trying to think of something to say.
7. Keep your desires to have a baby and a wife to yourself. Not all women are going out with a guy looking for a husband and a baby. Nowadays more and more women are putting off the wedding gown for a business suit. They aren't interested in being a homemaker as much as their mothers were and so if you feel a woman should be thinking that way, staying home and being a parent to your children, you may want to strongly consider whether you want an American woman. There are some women who think this way, but a vast majority aren't as interested at least not early on the relationship. So ask questions, but don't be so quick to speak about your views.
For more information about topics such as this and other interesting things written by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
8 Signs that Show You Are Losing Your Mind in a Relationship
You ever wonder why some people you meet seem to be "out of their right mind" when talking about their relationships with the opposite sex? They tend to laugh often when nothing is funny, say things that make no sense, become extremely anxious over the littlest of things, and their judgment when it comes to relating to the opposite sex seems rather toxic. What is it about these people that make you say, "She's crazy or a little off. He's odd?" In some cases, he or she may be on a prescribed medication, participating in drug use, had a past injury or even a nervous breakdown, but in a not so obvious case, he or she may have had a traumatic break up with a mate they had been head over heels in love. Now some of you reading this would say, breaking up with someone can cause mental issues? Yes it can. The following information will tell you how to spot signs in your own behavior that show you are gradually losing your mind in your current relationship.
One - Obsessively thinking about him or her. No matter what you do you think about your mate all the time to the point that it is hindering how you work, eat, sleep, and play. This isn't the kind of rational thinking like, "I forgot to tell her I will be home late." Instead, this is the kind of thinking that questions everything he or she does. "What is she doing? Where is he going? Did I tell her I love you? Should I tell her about this, I should have never told her about that?" These thoughts play like a broken record in your mind. For the average person, the thoughts may come and then go once you did whatever you needed to do for your lover. However, for the obsessive thinker, he or she is constantly questioning his or herself on issues regarding their mate. They lose sleep over these issues, feel afraid about what they should do about them, or nervous that his or her lover will do something harmful to them if they say or do certain things.
Two - Obsessively talking about him or her. Whenever someone calls you or you go out with family and friends, you are always making a point to talk about every little detail about your lover. "Did I tell you he is working on a project. He doesn't like that seafood place. I don't know why he chose me. He is going out of town this weekend." He, he, he, she, she, she, do you have a life that you can talk about without talking about your lover? Next time watch how often you mention your lover in your next conversation, this will tell you whether you are losing your sense of self with him or her. Then ask the person you are talking with, "Do I talk about my man or woman too much?"
Three - Acting compulsively and/or irrationally. Think about the way you behaved in your daily life before you met him or her. Are you participating in behavior that causes you constant worry? Do you find that your life prior to meeting him or her was exceptionally better? He or she may have a problem with how you organize, clean, cook, fold your clothes, or something else and you find that no matter what you do to appease them, it is never good enough. You find yourself constantly checking on whether you did an action that he or she may have complained about and you feel as if you are losing your mind trying to fix the situation. Some examples include: turning labels on can goods so that they are in perfect order like in a grocery store, being extra careful not to let dust show up anywhere on furniture, arranging shoes and folding clothes in a way that only suits him or her, and making meals in a certain way that you know you can't seem to get right. These are only a few examples, but think of those extreme details you now pay attention to that you didn't before.
Four - Justifying your mate's negative behavior. He threw a tantrum at the local restaurant, because he had to wait longer than expected. She told the sales clerk off because she didn't like her attitude. When you share an incident with a family member or friend about your lover, and they may a comment about your man or woman's behavior, are you defending him or her? Your chest begins to tightened and your stomach is getting upset, because you are offended by what your family or friends said about your mate's actions, "But you don't understand...you weren't there...you don't like him anyway...I should have never told you." If you remove yourself from the situation, could your mate have handled the matter better? When you find that you are doing a lot of defending and being offended, look out, you will eventually be pushing the people out of your life that love you the most, do you really want to do that?
Five - Condoning him or her for abusing you. "He was drunk he didn't mean it. She had a bad day, we are okay." If you find yourself talking yourself out of good ole fashion common sense, then you are indeed losing your mind in this relationship. Being verbally or physically assaulted is not okay, no matter what the reason.
Six- Blaming yourself and/or others for your mate's unhappiness. "If you hadn't talked to him, mom, that way he would come over more often!" If your mate seems to have one issue after another with someone who has always been close to you, chances are they are more than unhappy, but jealous of your relationship with that particular family member or friend. Be careful listening to all their criticisms about your family and friends, they may be trying to keep you all to him or herself. Behavior like that isn't to be praised; it is a sign of bad things to come.
Seven- Isolating oneself from family and friends. Are you beginning to hear concerns from well-meaning family and friends about your not coming around them anymore? If so, then you are on your way to becoming successfully manipulated by your mate. He or she doesn't want your support system around you, because this means that you will be able to get the help you later need to get away from them. Your mate knows his or her own weaknesses, but they will work real hard to ensure you never find out about them. Don't be a fool for love and lose your mind in all of the wonderful things they do and say to you. Without family and friends, you will not be living up to your full potential and staying true to who you really are on the inside.
Eight - Needing him or her to approve of what you do. Find yourself always asking, "What does he think about this and what does she think about that?" Sometimes you will have to question how your mate feels about something you would do, but how often are you doing it? Do you find that you have to consult with your inner voice about everything, from what to buy to where to go and what does he or she think? Some choices are best made without your mate's input. Your opinions are what make up who you are, without them; you are nothing more than your mate's puppet.
Take the time to analyze some of the things you are doing right now that may potentially set your relationship up for failure. It's okay to love someone, but when you make he or she your life, you have just lost your mind. Then, when your relationship breaks up, whether by mutual agreement, surprise, death or something else, you may be the unlucky person with a nervous breakdown.
Protect your heart and mind in all of your relationships by staying true to yourself and doing the things that reflect who you are in the best possible light.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
One - Obsessively thinking about him or her. No matter what you do you think about your mate all the time to the point that it is hindering how you work, eat, sleep, and play. This isn't the kind of rational thinking like, "I forgot to tell her I will be home late." Instead, this is the kind of thinking that questions everything he or she does. "What is she doing? Where is he going? Did I tell her I love you? Should I tell her about this, I should have never told her about that?" These thoughts play like a broken record in your mind. For the average person, the thoughts may come and then go once you did whatever you needed to do for your lover. However, for the obsessive thinker, he or she is constantly questioning his or herself on issues regarding their mate. They lose sleep over these issues, feel afraid about what they should do about them, or nervous that his or her lover will do something harmful to them if they say or do certain things.
Two - Obsessively talking about him or her. Whenever someone calls you or you go out with family and friends, you are always making a point to talk about every little detail about your lover. "Did I tell you he is working on a project. He doesn't like that seafood place. I don't know why he chose me. He is going out of town this weekend." He, he, he, she, she, she, do you have a life that you can talk about without talking about your lover? Next time watch how often you mention your lover in your next conversation, this will tell you whether you are losing your sense of self with him or her. Then ask the person you are talking with, "Do I talk about my man or woman too much?"
Three - Acting compulsively and/or irrationally. Think about the way you behaved in your daily life before you met him or her. Are you participating in behavior that causes you constant worry? Do you find that your life prior to meeting him or her was exceptionally better? He or she may have a problem with how you organize, clean, cook, fold your clothes, or something else and you find that no matter what you do to appease them, it is never good enough. You find yourself constantly checking on whether you did an action that he or she may have complained about and you feel as if you are losing your mind trying to fix the situation. Some examples include: turning labels on can goods so that they are in perfect order like in a grocery store, being extra careful not to let dust show up anywhere on furniture, arranging shoes and folding clothes in a way that only suits him or her, and making meals in a certain way that you know you can't seem to get right. These are only a few examples, but think of those extreme details you now pay attention to that you didn't before.
Four - Justifying your mate's negative behavior. He threw a tantrum at the local restaurant, because he had to wait longer than expected. She told the sales clerk off because she didn't like her attitude. When you share an incident with a family member or friend about your lover, and they may a comment about your man or woman's behavior, are you defending him or her? Your chest begins to tightened and your stomach is getting upset, because you are offended by what your family or friends said about your mate's actions, "But you don't understand...you weren't there...you don't like him anyway...I should have never told you." If you remove yourself from the situation, could your mate have handled the matter better? When you find that you are doing a lot of defending and being offended, look out, you will eventually be pushing the people out of your life that love you the most, do you really want to do that?
Five - Condoning him or her for abusing you. "He was drunk he didn't mean it. She had a bad day, we are okay." If you find yourself talking yourself out of good ole fashion common sense, then you are indeed losing your mind in this relationship. Being verbally or physically assaulted is not okay, no matter what the reason.
Six- Blaming yourself and/or others for your mate's unhappiness. "If you hadn't talked to him, mom, that way he would come over more often!" If your mate seems to have one issue after another with someone who has always been close to you, chances are they are more than unhappy, but jealous of your relationship with that particular family member or friend. Be careful listening to all their criticisms about your family and friends, they may be trying to keep you all to him or herself. Behavior like that isn't to be praised; it is a sign of bad things to come.
Seven- Isolating oneself from family and friends. Are you beginning to hear concerns from well-meaning family and friends about your not coming around them anymore? If so, then you are on your way to becoming successfully manipulated by your mate. He or she doesn't want your support system around you, because this means that you will be able to get the help you later need to get away from them. Your mate knows his or her own weaknesses, but they will work real hard to ensure you never find out about them. Don't be a fool for love and lose your mind in all of the wonderful things they do and say to you. Without family and friends, you will not be living up to your full potential and staying true to who you really are on the inside.
Eight - Needing him or her to approve of what you do. Find yourself always asking, "What does he think about this and what does she think about that?" Sometimes you will have to question how your mate feels about something you would do, but how often are you doing it? Do you find that you have to consult with your inner voice about everything, from what to buy to where to go and what does he or she think? Some choices are best made without your mate's input. Your opinions are what make up who you are, without them; you are nothing more than your mate's puppet.
Take the time to analyze some of the things you are doing right now that may potentially set your relationship up for failure. It's okay to love someone, but when you make he or she your life, you have just lost your mind. Then, when your relationship breaks up, whether by mutual agreement, surprise, death or something else, you may be the unlucky person with a nervous breakdown.
Protect your heart and mind in all of your relationships by staying true to yourself and doing the things that reflect who you are in the best possible light.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
7 Tips When a Man Has Fallen Out of Love with You
You discovered one day that the man who pledged to make you his wife and build a future with you is now disinterested in the relationship for a number of reasons. You talked, pleaded, and cried hoping to find one simple reason from him that could bring you peace, but after all of the probing you still feel miserable inside. What do you do? How do you make this man fall back in love with you? The answer to both of these questions is very simple, "Do nothing." Stop analyzing, trying, suggesting, conversing, yelling, or anything else that will only leave you feeling frustrated and angry. Rather, look inward, focus on loving you. The following tips will help you get on the path to healing while you're in your deadbeat relationship so that once you are free, you won't be like so many other women rushing back into their partner's arms or the next man's rebounding from your heartbreak.
Number One. Stay true to yourself. This statement means a variety of things depending on who you ask, but for the purpose of this article, it will be defined as not trying to be something you are not, doing or acting in a way that isn't like you, trying to appease others but behaving in ways that aren't you. You know that every woman in this world is flawed, so embrace both your strengths and weaknesses and work on the things about yourself that will make you feel better. Chances are the man who you are with has been exposed to a single woman or many women that he would rather be with and since he isn't quite ready to give you up, he will try to suggest things you should say or do that are similar to what another woman in his past or present life has done or does. Don't take on that responsibility. Stay true to yourself, if you don't cook, you don't cook. If you don't like sports, you don't like them. Why put unnecessary stress on yourself to appease him?
Number Two. Don't try to make him fall back in love with you. If you have already saw the evidence that he is definitely not in love with you anymore such as spending a lot of time away from you, ignoring you, not keeping promises, and lying, then why feel obligated to work on the relationship? It takes two people to want to commit on making the relationship work. If one is in love and the other is not, chances are the relationship will not last. Save your time, money and passion for the next person you meet. If you make a wise choice in men, the next one will almost always be better than him anyway.
Number Three. Find a hobby or some other extracurricular activity that is beneficial to your health and wealth. Creative people are very good at designing things that not only showcase their talent and make them feel good inside, but are profitable as well. You could use the extra money when the time comes to move if you currently live with your partner.
Number Four. Be open to the possibility of falling in love with someone new. Being open to a new relationship starts while you are in your deadbeat one. If you choose to close off the possibility of meeting someone new due to your disappointment and hurt being in your current relationship, then you are creating your own personal baggage full of unresolved issues. Resolve your problems while you are in the problem. Vow to be a better woman in the next relationship, embrace some of those criticisms he has mentioned about your personality, work on them and be good to yourself. The new and improved you will look good for the next guy you meet. This is the sweetest form of revenge!
You had a life before you met your current man and you will have one after him. So use the time while you are with him to find out about what interests you. People evolve and you may have changed significantly while being with this man. Ask yourself, "What is it that you once did that you enjoyed, but stopped doing since being with him?" Pick up where you left off with this hobby. If not, then find a new hobby. People find out what their hobbies are by going to events, attending religious services, reconnecting with old friends, reading newspapers and magazines, surfing the Internet, watching television shows they normally wouldn't, eavesdropping on other people's conversations, talking about the past with family and so many other ways. Remember redirect your focus off of him and on your activity. If you are passionate enough about your hobby, career goals, etc. then in time you just won't care about what he is doing or who he is doing it with, because you have your own life. Once you start to feel this way, start packing your bags. This is a clear sign you are ready to embark on your new life without him!
Number Five. Avoid the need to overachieve. You will notice sometimes when people are in an unfulfilling relationship they never mention their mate, their mate never bothers to attend any event with them, they always have an excuse for his absence, and most of all, the unhappy lover works late often and expects everyone else to do what she is doing. Watch it, this may be you. Keep in mind, not everyone is in your situation, so be careful making broad statements and behaving in ways that say, "I hate men." You may lose friends that way. There are many couples in this world that are in love and they know when to leave work. Overachievement looks good on paper, but it isn't good for one's health. Find a healthy balance between work and play.
Number Six. Make time to mediate. One of the worse things you can do, while you are in this unfulfilling relationship, is surround yourself constantly with a bunch of distractions. You drive while the music is playing, you walk while talking on the cell phone, you turn on the television as soon as you hit the front door, you are surfing the Internet for long hours, and more. You will need to give yourself some quiet time to reflect on whether there has been any change in the way he treats you, a plan to leave the relationship and anything else that requires careful thought. You don't want to overwhelm yourself with so much activity that you make rash decisions then realize you want him back. When the time comes you will want to make a clean break and never look back. Couples, who don't make clean breaks in relationships, find themselves later cheating with the ex while being in a new relationship. Therefore, they kill any opportunity for building a healthy, prosperous relationship.
Number Seven. Gradually break off all ties. Now that you have come to a place where you know that you know! You will need to tell him, but you don't want to rush to do it without handling all sensitive and legal matters first such as the checking, savings, credit accounts, unpaid debt, taxes, property etc. The key to breaking up with someone is to do everything gradually. When you make any sudden movements, such as rushing out the door with just the clothes you're wearing, cutting off all credit cards, draining bank accounts, and packing all in a single day, you may put yourself in harm. Even though he doesn't act as if he cares about you, doesn't mean that he won't react negatively to the news, so do everything with much thought and slowly. Get others involved such as the police if you ever feel threatened. Protect yourself from any future legal issues by documenting conversations, phone calls, promises, making copies of important papers, recording conversations, having witnesses, using spy cameras or anything else if you feel your situation has evolved into a serious matter.
Utilizing these seven tips will not only provide you with the confidence to leave a loveless relationship and better yourself and circumstances, but they will also help you meet someone new without carrying so much baggage in your new relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Number One. Stay true to yourself. This statement means a variety of things depending on who you ask, but for the purpose of this article, it will be defined as not trying to be something you are not, doing or acting in a way that isn't like you, trying to appease others but behaving in ways that aren't you. You know that every woman in this world is flawed, so embrace both your strengths and weaknesses and work on the things about yourself that will make you feel better. Chances are the man who you are with has been exposed to a single woman or many women that he would rather be with and since he isn't quite ready to give you up, he will try to suggest things you should say or do that are similar to what another woman in his past or present life has done or does. Don't take on that responsibility. Stay true to yourself, if you don't cook, you don't cook. If you don't like sports, you don't like them. Why put unnecessary stress on yourself to appease him?
Number Two. Don't try to make him fall back in love with you. If you have already saw the evidence that he is definitely not in love with you anymore such as spending a lot of time away from you, ignoring you, not keeping promises, and lying, then why feel obligated to work on the relationship? It takes two people to want to commit on making the relationship work. If one is in love and the other is not, chances are the relationship will not last. Save your time, money and passion for the next person you meet. If you make a wise choice in men, the next one will almost always be better than him anyway.
Number Three. Find a hobby or some other extracurricular activity that is beneficial to your health and wealth. Creative people are very good at designing things that not only showcase their talent and make them feel good inside, but are profitable as well. You could use the extra money when the time comes to move if you currently live with your partner.
Number Four. Be open to the possibility of falling in love with someone new. Being open to a new relationship starts while you are in your deadbeat one. If you choose to close off the possibility of meeting someone new due to your disappointment and hurt being in your current relationship, then you are creating your own personal baggage full of unresolved issues. Resolve your problems while you are in the problem. Vow to be a better woman in the next relationship, embrace some of those criticisms he has mentioned about your personality, work on them and be good to yourself. The new and improved you will look good for the next guy you meet. This is the sweetest form of revenge!
You had a life before you met your current man and you will have one after him. So use the time while you are with him to find out about what interests you. People evolve and you may have changed significantly while being with this man. Ask yourself, "What is it that you once did that you enjoyed, but stopped doing since being with him?" Pick up where you left off with this hobby. If not, then find a new hobby. People find out what their hobbies are by going to events, attending religious services, reconnecting with old friends, reading newspapers and magazines, surfing the Internet, watching television shows they normally wouldn't, eavesdropping on other people's conversations, talking about the past with family and so many other ways. Remember redirect your focus off of him and on your activity. If you are passionate enough about your hobby, career goals, etc. then in time you just won't care about what he is doing or who he is doing it with, because you have your own life. Once you start to feel this way, start packing your bags. This is a clear sign you are ready to embark on your new life without him!
Number Five. Avoid the need to overachieve. You will notice sometimes when people are in an unfulfilling relationship they never mention their mate, their mate never bothers to attend any event with them, they always have an excuse for his absence, and most of all, the unhappy lover works late often and expects everyone else to do what she is doing. Watch it, this may be you. Keep in mind, not everyone is in your situation, so be careful making broad statements and behaving in ways that say, "I hate men." You may lose friends that way. There are many couples in this world that are in love and they know when to leave work. Overachievement looks good on paper, but it isn't good for one's health. Find a healthy balance between work and play.
Number Six. Make time to mediate. One of the worse things you can do, while you are in this unfulfilling relationship, is surround yourself constantly with a bunch of distractions. You drive while the music is playing, you walk while talking on the cell phone, you turn on the television as soon as you hit the front door, you are surfing the Internet for long hours, and more. You will need to give yourself some quiet time to reflect on whether there has been any change in the way he treats you, a plan to leave the relationship and anything else that requires careful thought. You don't want to overwhelm yourself with so much activity that you make rash decisions then realize you want him back. When the time comes you will want to make a clean break and never look back. Couples, who don't make clean breaks in relationships, find themselves later cheating with the ex while being in a new relationship. Therefore, they kill any opportunity for building a healthy, prosperous relationship.
Number Seven. Gradually break off all ties. Now that you have come to a place where you know that you know! You will need to tell him, but you don't want to rush to do it without handling all sensitive and legal matters first such as the checking, savings, credit accounts, unpaid debt, taxes, property etc. The key to breaking up with someone is to do everything gradually. When you make any sudden movements, such as rushing out the door with just the clothes you're wearing, cutting off all credit cards, draining bank accounts, and packing all in a single day, you may put yourself in harm. Even though he doesn't act as if he cares about you, doesn't mean that he won't react negatively to the news, so do everything with much thought and slowly. Get others involved such as the police if you ever feel threatened. Protect yourself from any future legal issues by documenting conversations, phone calls, promises, making copies of important papers, recording conversations, having witnesses, using spy cameras or anything else if you feel your situation has evolved into a serious matter.
Utilizing these seven tips will not only provide you with the confidence to leave a loveless relationship and better yourself and circumstances, but they will also help you meet someone new without carrying so much baggage in your new relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Seven Mistakes Women Make When A Man Is Unemployed
You recently found out your man is unemployed yet again. You have tried to be supportive, but the days of unemployment are growing into weeks and all you want for him to do is get a job. Some men may be going through this with their wife or girlfriend. She may be driving you crazy with spending money and having no job. You may be able to benefit from this article as well.
One mistake many women make with their men is talking about what their relatives and friends have, while comparing what their household doesn't. A man already feels bad about the haves and have nots whether he shows it or not; however telling him about others' things will not motivate him to go out and get a job. Instead, focus on what he has told you he desires once he starts working again. Try to encourage him by being supportive of his dreams.
The second mistake women make when a man is unemployed is feeling the need to ask him about his progress every day or every other day. If he is having some success in his job search, he won't mind keeping you posted. 'No news is not good news,' so don't ask him. You may want to offer to make some changes to his resume and bring classified ads home (but set the ads somewhere he can find them without making any comments or giving him any of your advice unless he is ready to receive it. You will know when he is ready when he starts asking you questions or sharing his experiences with his job search.)
The third mistake is sharing stories about your stressful workdays with him. Find someone else to talk to about your stress (at least temporarily.) Listening to you vent is not going to help an already stressed out man find a job. He is dealing with the pressure of trying to find a job quickly, rejection letters, no income, and relying on you when he feels he should be head of household.
The fourth mistake women make, when talking to their unemployed mates, is place blame. For instance, "If it wasn't for you not working, we could do this and we could do that! Why is this house not clean, if you had a job we wouldn't have such a dirty house? If you were working, my family wouldn't be talking about us so bad!" Making statements like these will drive a nail right through his heart that he may never recover from. So if you don't want him looking for someone a little friendlier than you for support, watch what you say to him. Then again, he may not even look twice at a woman now, but later on he may remember what you said while he was down and consider replacing you once he gets back on his feet. Christian women know what the Book of Proverbs say about quarreling women. If you don't know, ask someone who knows the Bible.
The fifth mistake is one of the absolute worst mistakes, complaining to family and relatives about your mate's slow progress in finding a job. You know what they will say to your face, then behind your back. "If it were me, I would give him an ultimatum." Then behind your back, "She is a fool to stay with him." If you must tell your family how you feel, ask them to pray for you and your family and if you need any help of any kind ask them. You don't need a gossip for a friend, but what you do need is assistance, so take them up on their offers of "if there is anything you need, just call." Don't be full of pride and most of all don't take your grocery or your chore list out on him!
The sixth mistake is another big one and many women are guilty of this one. You mention what your contributions are to the home and tell them what he doesn't do. This mistake is different than some of the others, because it is a direct attack on him, an unsuccessful attempt to make you feel good about yourself, and causes him to want to leave and never come back. Many men have walked out on their women the same night they said it. If you aren't ready to break up tonight, don't say it.
The last mistake is one that he already experiences from his buddies and that is the negative comments and jokes about being unemployed. Whether he was right or wrong about how he left his last job, this is definitely not the time to make "light of" his situation. He isn't ready to laugh right now, so save the jokes when he is bringing home a steady paycheck and even then you may not want to rehash what he has been through.
Being employed for most men is a statement of who they are. A man and his job is like a man and his dog, he relies on them both. It makes him feel good knowing that he can take care of his family. When he can't achieve his goals or his family's, it makes him feel less of a man. No matter how liberated of a woman you are and how much you contribute to the household, it will not make a man feel any better. All you can do as the love of his life is be supportive and reap the rewards with him when he is employed again.
For more relationship articles by Nicholl McGuire, visit www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
One mistake many women make with their men is talking about what their relatives and friends have, while comparing what their household doesn't. A man already feels bad about the haves and have nots whether he shows it or not; however telling him about others' things will not motivate him to go out and get a job. Instead, focus on what he has told you he desires once he starts working again. Try to encourage him by being supportive of his dreams.
The second mistake women make when a man is unemployed is feeling the need to ask him about his progress every day or every other day. If he is having some success in his job search, he won't mind keeping you posted. 'No news is not good news,' so don't ask him. You may want to offer to make some changes to his resume and bring classified ads home (but set the ads somewhere he can find them without making any comments or giving him any of your advice unless he is ready to receive it. You will know when he is ready when he starts asking you questions or sharing his experiences with his job search.)
The third mistake is sharing stories about your stressful workdays with him. Find someone else to talk to about your stress (at least temporarily.) Listening to you vent is not going to help an already stressed out man find a job. He is dealing with the pressure of trying to find a job quickly, rejection letters, no income, and relying on you when he feels he should be head of household.
The fourth mistake women make, when talking to their unemployed mates, is place blame. For instance, "If it wasn't for you not working, we could do this and we could do that! Why is this house not clean, if you had a job we wouldn't have such a dirty house? If you were working, my family wouldn't be talking about us so bad!" Making statements like these will drive a nail right through his heart that he may never recover from. So if you don't want him looking for someone a little friendlier than you for support, watch what you say to him. Then again, he may not even look twice at a woman now, but later on he may remember what you said while he was down and consider replacing you once he gets back on his feet. Christian women know what the Book of Proverbs say about quarreling women. If you don't know, ask someone who knows the Bible.
The fifth mistake is one of the absolute worst mistakes, complaining to family and relatives about your mate's slow progress in finding a job. You know what they will say to your face, then behind your back. "If it were me, I would give him an ultimatum." Then behind your back, "She is a fool to stay with him." If you must tell your family how you feel, ask them to pray for you and your family and if you need any help of any kind ask them. You don't need a gossip for a friend, but what you do need is assistance, so take them up on their offers of "if there is anything you need, just call." Don't be full of pride and most of all don't take your grocery or your chore list out on him!
The sixth mistake is another big one and many women are guilty of this one. You mention what your contributions are to the home and tell them what he doesn't do. This mistake is different than some of the others, because it is a direct attack on him, an unsuccessful attempt to make you feel good about yourself, and causes him to want to leave and never come back. Many men have walked out on their women the same night they said it. If you aren't ready to break up tonight, don't say it.
The last mistake is one that he already experiences from his buddies and that is the negative comments and jokes about being unemployed. Whether he was right or wrong about how he left his last job, this is definitely not the time to make "light of" his situation. He isn't ready to laugh right now, so save the jokes when he is bringing home a steady paycheck and even then you may not want to rehash what he has been through.
Being employed for most men is a statement of who they are. A man and his job is like a man and his dog, he relies on them both. It makes him feel good knowing that he can take care of his family. When he can't achieve his goals or his family's, it makes him feel less of a man. No matter how liberated of a woman you are and how much you contribute to the household, it will not make a man feel any better. All you can do as the love of his life is be supportive and reap the rewards with him when he is employed again.
For more relationship articles by Nicholl McGuire, visit www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
Dating a Victim of Domestic Violence? What You Should Know and How You Can Help
Her abusive boyfriend from the past cheated, lied, robbed, raped, abused, and misused her. When you first laid eyes on this gorgeous woman, the last thing you thought was you would be inheriting her wounds from yesteryear. Yet, you did and now you feel at times stuck with both his and her mess. You aren't ready to break up with this woman you love, but you can't see a future with her either. So what do you do about this past baggage that tends to show up on days that you think everything is perfectly okay? The following tips should help you get some peace of mind, reach a decision about the relationship, and help you help her to heal.
There is a big difference between a woman who calls herself a victim of domestic violence and one who calls herself a survivor. The survivor most likely has evolved from her experience and shows no signs of having ever been a victim. She has received the support she needed to move on and has taken the necessary changes to live her life to the fullest. However, a victim has not, will not, or doesn't know how to get pass the experience. She may even still call herself, "a victim." Somehow she continues to play the victim in her words and actions with every challenge that comes before her. She hasn't bothered to get the help she needs, and you may be her only counselor.
Women who have been abused don't necessarily get over everything they have gone through in the past. Some of the residue still remains. She may have some strange behaviors that tend to pop up every now and then. If he robbed her, she is possessive about her belongings. If he raped her, then she may have sexual problems. If he choked or smothered her, she may have problems sleeping at night or you touching, staring, or standing over her her while she sleeps. If he lied about his whereabouts a lot, then she will be bothered when you don't say where you are going and how long you will be gone. If he cheated, then she won't trust you when you say "...that woman is just a friend." If he kept her from seeing or talking to family or friends, then she now feels obligated to tell them everything and not pass up an opportunity to attend a family gathering. If he expected her to report to him about everything she does, then she may tell you more than you ever needed or wanted to know or do the complete opposite and appear secretive. If he beat her, then she may flinch if you playfully try to grab her. These are only a small list of some of the things that trigger her misunderstood behaviors.
She may also have some phobias as a result of being in such a life threatening relationship. She may be afraid to go to certain places, avoid certain people and discussions that remind her of her abuser. She may have trust issues because of the many times her abuser violated her. She may not be as affectionate as other women you may have been involved. She may also have problems with budgeting because her abuser may have been very controlling with the finances or she may be domineering about the finances herself. There will be those times that she will appear very strong-minded and other times where she will be extremely sensitive over the simplest of issues. However, despite all of these issues, many women who have been in abusive relationships do well in society. They find the strength to get over many personal obstacles and oftentimes help others see things in relationships that their relatives and friends may have otherwise overlooked.
Going back to the issue of trust, your partner isn't always mindful of her trust issues. You may think that she is deliberately making your life a living hell with all her questions, but some women do this without thinking. They may not have been "called out" on their insecurities prior to meeting you so how do you expect her to be self-aware? If she calls you too much to "check up on you" then say so and let her know you won't always be available to answer her call, if it makes her feel better, let her know when you will be available to talk. If that still doesn't help, and you just so happen to miss calling her, remind her that she should be treating you like how she wants to be treated. Disrespecting you will not be tolerated no matter how many times she tried to call you and you weren't available.
Too often men put themselves in situations that call their character into question such as going out with other women without telling the woman they have made their partner, hiding details of their whereabouts, not being available emotionally, making important decisions without their mate, lying when asked simple questions, etc. When you are with someone who has had an abusive background, she will be more sensitive to what you are doing than most women, because she most likely dealt with these issues with her abuser. You can be a big help to her emotionally by doing two simple things: keep promises and be honest. Let her know what your relationship boundaries are before you think about committing to her for the long-term. An example would be telling her that you don't want the kind of relationship where she acts like your mother rather than a girlfriend. Then list specific examples of the behaviors that are turning you off.
Communication is important in any relationship regardless of what type of experience someone has had prior to entering a new relationship. Without it, you will have trust issues, arguments, repeated break ups and so on. As soon as an issue comes up that bothers you, talk it over in a respectful manner. If she loves you, she will respect you and if you love her you will return the respect.
Being with someone who has been abused requires some degree of patience. You will have to allow her to get to know you through her making mistakes. She may have forgotten that you don't like a certain thing she does, forgive and forget. She may have checked up on something you said you had completed, don't be so easily offended. Be open to mistakes and allow her to learn from them. If you find that she is consistently doing something that is robbing you of feelings for her, then before you break up with her, talk to her about it. See if she can meet you half way, and then sit back and watch her behavior to see if anything changes, if not, then you will have to make the decision to end the relationship. Don't create a scene or do something to get her to break up with you, the last thing you need is a domestic violence situation yourself.
Some formerly abused women tend to be overbearing at times. This may be due to feeling powerless in their past abusive relationship. They want things to go their way, they expect others to do what they say when they say it, they yell instead of talk, and most of all they can be extremely demanding, because they are hard on themselves due to someone being hard on them. When you find your mate is acting this way, once again you will have to talk to them about how it makes you feel, ask them to stop certain mannerisms, and if you are not living with them at the time, don't. Until she understands how you feel about her behavior and have made some serious changes, you will not want to live under her rule. These women have not allowed themselves enough time to heal and they are better off living alone.
Another major concern about women who have not healed from their abusive past is that they may be hiding the fact that they may be equally abusive. Some women turn into abusers themselves. She may have cut herself, threatened to hurt you in some way. If she has children or a pet, you will be able to see signs of whether she is abusive to them. If the children and pet tend to act afraid of her, most likely she has been violent toward them. Look for recent bruises and scars on the children along their face, neck, arms, and legs. Watch how the animal walks, he may have been repeatedly kicked by her and the children. If you are in her home, look for damaged walls and furniture. Sometimes children are responsible for the mess in the home, and if so, then ask yourself the question, "Why would the children ruin the house?" They may be affected by the past or the past is still going on and she just hasn't said anything about it.
Not every woman who has been in an abusive relationship has gone through professional counseling. So be mindful of how she reacts when put under stress, the way she talks to you, and how she handles conflict. If you don't pay close attention to the warning signs, then you will be inheriting an abuser yourself along with her abusive children. Instead of being her lover, be a friend and direct her to some help and if you are spiritual, pray for her and invite her (and the children) to your church, but whatever you do, don't make her feel ashamed for what she has done, belittle, or disrespect her, she has already had enough of that kind of behavior from her abuser.
Nicholl McGuire maintains other blogs including: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Tips Dating Older Men, Younger Women
There is a big difference between a woman who calls herself a victim of domestic violence and one who calls herself a survivor. The survivor most likely has evolved from her experience and shows no signs of having ever been a victim. She has received the support she needed to move on and has taken the necessary changes to live her life to the fullest. However, a victim has not, will not, or doesn't know how to get pass the experience. She may even still call herself, "a victim." Somehow she continues to play the victim in her words and actions with every challenge that comes before her. She hasn't bothered to get the help she needs, and you may be her only counselor.
Women who have been abused don't necessarily get over everything they have gone through in the past. Some of the residue still remains. She may have some strange behaviors that tend to pop up every now and then. If he robbed her, she is possessive about her belongings. If he raped her, then she may have sexual problems. If he choked or smothered her, she may have problems sleeping at night or you touching, staring, or standing over her her while she sleeps. If he lied about his whereabouts a lot, then she will be bothered when you don't say where you are going and how long you will be gone. If he cheated, then she won't trust you when you say "...that woman is just a friend." If he kept her from seeing or talking to family or friends, then she now feels obligated to tell them everything and not pass up an opportunity to attend a family gathering. If he expected her to report to him about everything she does, then she may tell you more than you ever needed or wanted to know or do the complete opposite and appear secretive. If he beat her, then she may flinch if you playfully try to grab her. These are only a small list of some of the things that trigger her misunderstood behaviors.
She may also have some phobias as a result of being in such a life threatening relationship. She may be afraid to go to certain places, avoid certain people and discussions that remind her of her abuser. She may have trust issues because of the many times her abuser violated her. She may not be as affectionate as other women you may have been involved. She may also have problems with budgeting because her abuser may have been very controlling with the finances or she may be domineering about the finances herself. There will be those times that she will appear very strong-minded and other times where she will be extremely sensitive over the simplest of issues. However, despite all of these issues, many women who have been in abusive relationships do well in society. They find the strength to get over many personal obstacles and oftentimes help others see things in relationships that their relatives and friends may have otherwise overlooked.
Going back to the issue of trust, your partner isn't always mindful of her trust issues. You may think that she is deliberately making your life a living hell with all her questions, but some women do this without thinking. They may not have been "called out" on their insecurities prior to meeting you so how do you expect her to be self-aware? If she calls you too much to "check up on you" then say so and let her know you won't always be available to answer her call, if it makes her feel better, let her know when you will be available to talk. If that still doesn't help, and you just so happen to miss calling her, remind her that she should be treating you like how she wants to be treated. Disrespecting you will not be tolerated no matter how many times she tried to call you and you weren't available.
Too often men put themselves in situations that call their character into question such as going out with other women without telling the woman they have made their partner, hiding details of their whereabouts, not being available emotionally, making important decisions without their mate, lying when asked simple questions, etc. When you are with someone who has had an abusive background, she will be more sensitive to what you are doing than most women, because she most likely dealt with these issues with her abuser. You can be a big help to her emotionally by doing two simple things: keep promises and be honest. Let her know what your relationship boundaries are before you think about committing to her for the long-term. An example would be telling her that you don't want the kind of relationship where she acts like your mother rather than a girlfriend. Then list specific examples of the behaviors that are turning you off.
Communication is important in any relationship regardless of what type of experience someone has had prior to entering a new relationship. Without it, you will have trust issues, arguments, repeated break ups and so on. As soon as an issue comes up that bothers you, talk it over in a respectful manner. If she loves you, she will respect you and if you love her you will return the respect.
Being with someone who has been abused requires some degree of patience. You will have to allow her to get to know you through her making mistakes. She may have forgotten that you don't like a certain thing she does, forgive and forget. She may have checked up on something you said you had completed, don't be so easily offended. Be open to mistakes and allow her to learn from them. If you find that she is consistently doing something that is robbing you of feelings for her, then before you break up with her, talk to her about it. See if she can meet you half way, and then sit back and watch her behavior to see if anything changes, if not, then you will have to make the decision to end the relationship. Don't create a scene or do something to get her to break up with you, the last thing you need is a domestic violence situation yourself.
Some formerly abused women tend to be overbearing at times. This may be due to feeling powerless in their past abusive relationship. They want things to go their way, they expect others to do what they say when they say it, they yell instead of talk, and most of all they can be extremely demanding, because they are hard on themselves due to someone being hard on them. When you find your mate is acting this way, once again you will have to talk to them about how it makes you feel, ask them to stop certain mannerisms, and if you are not living with them at the time, don't. Until she understands how you feel about her behavior and have made some serious changes, you will not want to live under her rule. These women have not allowed themselves enough time to heal and they are better off living alone.
Another major concern about women who have not healed from their abusive past is that they may be hiding the fact that they may be equally abusive. Some women turn into abusers themselves. She may have cut herself, threatened to hurt you in some way. If she has children or a pet, you will be able to see signs of whether she is abusive to them. If the children and pet tend to act afraid of her, most likely she has been violent toward them. Look for recent bruises and scars on the children along their face, neck, arms, and legs. Watch how the animal walks, he may have been repeatedly kicked by her and the children. If you are in her home, look for damaged walls and furniture. Sometimes children are responsible for the mess in the home, and if so, then ask yourself the question, "Why would the children ruin the house?" They may be affected by the past or the past is still going on and she just hasn't said anything about it.
Not every woman who has been in an abusive relationship has gone through professional counseling. So be mindful of how she reacts when put under stress, the way she talks to you, and how she handles conflict. If you don't pay close attention to the warning signs, then you will be inheriting an abuser yourself along with her abusive children. Instead of being her lover, be a friend and direct her to some help and if you are spiritual, pray for her and invite her (and the children) to your church, but whatever you do, don't make her feel ashamed for what she has done, belittle, or disrespect her, she has already had enough of that kind of behavior from her abuser.
Nicholl McGuire maintains other blogs including: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Tips Dating Older Men, Younger Women
Relationship Problems: He Said, She Said
You want to know whether this person is going to be with you forever and always. But it is hard to be convinced of that when you have a monkey on your back. That monkey could be the past garbage you had to put up with from relatives, bad relationships, and so-called friends. The monkey could be some things that your partner has laid on your back recently. Whatever your drama with what "he said or she said," you will need to educate yourself on matters, like a teen studying for a final exam. It takes work to make a difference in your relationship and now is not the time to slack. Take the following relationship experts seriously. These books are available immediately for download and definitely cheaper than a therapist. Take your girl or guy by the hand and let them know you are ready to deal with your problems that are troubling you about the relationship and you need them to be equally committed! To your success!
Check out Nicholl McGuire's books:
Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Laboring to Love Myself
She's Crazy
Check out Nicholl McGuire's books:
Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Laboring to Love Myself
She's Crazy
Relationship Fact
According to an article that appeared on the Mental Health Weekly web site, bad relationships affect women more than men.
The article reported that a survey conducted by the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, found that out of 900 married couples, women reported more symptoms of depression, aggressive reaction to problems and negative emotions about problems and cynicism.
Women's levels of depression were related to their husbands' hostility levels, while their husbands' ratings were not linked to their wives' ratings.
The article reported that a survey conducted by the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, found that out of 900 married couples, women reported more symptoms of depression, aggressive reaction to problems and negative emotions about problems and cynicism.
Women's levels of depression were related to their husbands' hostility levels, while their husbands' ratings were not linked to their wives' ratings.
Be Careful You're Not Deceived By A No Good Man
No good men. Who are they? They are some of our fathers, uncles, cousins and brothers. They look good or smell bad. Smell good or look bad. They are men who promise us the world, but never act on their promises. They are lazy and stubborn. They lack the Holy Ghost, take advantage of Christian women and disrespect their mothers. They are infested with diseases while they cover themselves up with suits. They are broke all the time and owe money to everyone they know. They lie and smile. They make us cry, more than laugh. They abuse us, curse us and walk all over us. They are usually fatherless, motherless or both. They are the creators of no good women! Yet, we love them.
Why do we always talk ourselves out of what we see and hear? When something isn't right and we know it, we immediately look for information to support reasons why it's right. Even though we know it's wrong. We do this all the time, when we are selecting our men. We say, "He will change one day. I will just take him to church and God will help him out. All I need to do is pray for him." We may say, "He just needs a little work, I will fix him up with some new clothes." And we might also say, "He needs to be around positive people. I will just kindly mention some ways he can do away with those no good friends of his." Ladies, please! We can't change these men.
We can put a thought in their head and hope they will cling to it as their own, but it will take time and most likely any changes that do occur won't happen quick enough for us. So women of the world, stop thinking that your no good man will be Mr. Right when you get through with him, because if he cheated with you while he was with someone else, he will cheat on you when you are married. If you found him dirty, then don't think he will always stay clean, because you bought him a new outfit. If he wasn't taking you out in broad daylight when you dated, then he's not going to start taking you out when you want him to. Women stop deceiving yourselves into thinking that your homebody man is going to suddenly become outgoing! You will have given your best years to someone who simply doesn't like what you like and eventually you will begin to give yourself up (your spirit) to appease him. What kind of life is that?
The following story is a typical situation of a woman who got herself involved with a no good man. There was once a woman who was very young, vibrant and beautiful. She fell in love with a very debonair, young gentleman who was very witty and kind. He was a big hit with the ladies and a big flirt. She worried about this man. Would he cheat on her? Would he leave her? She didn't trust him. As the couple grew older, they made plans to have children and to travel the world in a Winnebago. She believed this man would do what he said and so she held on to that dream.
Unfortunately, money, the children, and her worries got the best of them. Money was never enough and too many children took up too much time. However, those children became older, moved away and then the couple became alone. Her husband's grumpy attitude over the years overrided the wife's outgoing and personable temperament. Not only that, his desire for sex went out the window. This woman spent the majority of her life anticipating her husband's dreams be fulfilled, putting up with his grumpy temperament, and letting her worries override her spirit. What happened to her? In her mid-fifties, she died with no dreams to call her own, no sex, no true happiness, overweight and ill, just living day-to-day. Is that what you want? Could she have done better, if she could have foreseen the future? Yes. Don't believe that you can't see the future. Because you can avoid certain things, relationships and bad choices by the signs God gives you in advance. These "no good man" signs are here, not to keep you from ever experiencing anything negative, but to keep you from making the wrong decision that will keep you out of God's will permanently. Some men will slip just as some women will slip, but it doesn't have to keep you out of God's will, so please don't ignore the signs. Take the test after you read the signs to determine if you have a no good man, a man with potential, a Mr. Right man (what the general public believes is Mr. Right) or a Godly Man (a man after God's own heart).
Here Are the Signs
He's No Good...
1. He has no job when you met him and you paid for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Previous jobs he had, were always less than one year. His reasons why he left always seem to blame everyone else, but himself.
2. Lies or lied about wife or having had girlfriend(s) while you were dating him.
3. Still lives with his mother at least two years after having graduated from high school or college. If he is still living with his mother years after a separation, divorce, house fire, etc. avoid him.
4. Always changes the subject or avoids topics of God and religion. No desire to watch anything on t.v. related to God, does not attend church or read anything biblical. (Note: All Christian women stay away - do not be unequally yoked. You won't change him.)
5. Does not know how to fix anything. Cringes at anything that has to do with physical labor such as doing dishes, mopping the floor, mowing the grass, hanging a picture or organizing a shelf.
6. Doesn't like to spend his money. Always wants you to contribute.
7. Never buys anything new that includes his clothes, his furniture, his appliances and his cars.
8. Hides things of his around the house or away from home such as phone numbers, pornographic videotapes and magazines, sexual toys and old pictures of girlfriends.
9. He has absolutely no patience with children. Always talks about the negatives of having children, rarely sees the positive benefits.
10. Selfish with time, unless it benefits him in some way.
11. Selfish with money.
12. Selfish with sex, leaves you lying there while he rolls over and goes to sleep. Doesn't ask about your needs. Doesn't care.
13. Drunk when you met him and on consecutive dates after that.
14. Avoids conversations about commitment and doesn't act upon it.
15. After a few months you haven't met his parents, yet he has attended several get-togethers and never invited you.
16. All the gifts he buys you are under $50.00, yet his wardrobe is name brand, his car is expensive and his apartment is upscale.
17. You find yourself making excuses for his behavior and spending habits to family and friends.
18. Talks about you negatively to his parents, friends and relatives.
19. He enjoys calling you names and often foolishly jokes in public to embarrass you or belittle you.
20. Rarely enjoys going anywhere outside of his job such as vacationing to other states, going to the movies, and eating out at restaurants.
21. Complains about everything from what you two were served at the restaurant to how people park in parking lots.
22. Everything that has ever happened to him he blames everyone else.
23. He tells all your secrets.
24. He is always looking at other women or men's bodies and sometimes he will compare you to them or just generally make comments.
25. Always questions where you have gone, who you are with and is deeply concerned about you talking to other men.
These 25 definite signs that your man is no good and will be no good in the future should be used to evaluate whether or not you would want to spend the rest of your life with your current man. No one wants to devote their lives to someone and then end up divorcing later because they ignored the signs during their courtship. Please pay close attention to the signs, if it is something that bothers you, you are losing sleep and everyone is telling you "the man is no good," listen!
If you both continue to argue about the same things, and no one is changing, be the bigger person and leave. Ignore the comments that the no good man might say about you being "weak, a runner, lazy," etc. Don't go back, it will only get worse each time. If you should stay, think about your children. If the relationship is causing you more grief, than happiness, your children may be watching you and will pick up on your behavior or his. According to the media, one in two marriages end in divorce. The affects of divorce has been compared to losing a loved one. They are devastating, not only to you, but to other family members. However, it is up to you to pray and ask the Almighty God to direct your path. It is only through Him, that he will build a path of security, love, and kindness. Won't you pray today?
The relationship is completely over when...
1. It causes you physical or mental harm.
2. He poses six or more of these signs with no hope to change and you continuously argue about the same things.
3. He is potentially harmful to the children.
4. You have lost items that you own due to destructive behaviors.
5. You have experienced various types of harassment from ex-girlfriends, friends, and relatives.
NO GOOD MAN SCALE
Six and up - No Good Man. Make every effort to leave him, by surrounding yourself with positive people like family and friends, stop being intimate, living with him and talking on the phone unless you have a child involved. If so, meet him in public places and let all conversations be about the child or children.
Four to Five -Potential. There is hope for change, but it won't be immediate and he will have to do the changing. Remember you can't change him.
Three -Mr. Right. He isn't perfect, but he isn't immature. He values you and will attempt to do better.
One to Two - Godly Man.
Once again not perfect, but who is, except Jesus. This man is accountable to someone other than himself and that is God. Go to church with him.
Nicholl McGuire
Why do we always talk ourselves out of what we see and hear? When something isn't right and we know it, we immediately look for information to support reasons why it's right. Even though we know it's wrong. We do this all the time, when we are selecting our men. We say, "He will change one day. I will just take him to church and God will help him out. All I need to do is pray for him." We may say, "He just needs a little work, I will fix him up with some new clothes." And we might also say, "He needs to be around positive people. I will just kindly mention some ways he can do away with those no good friends of his." Ladies, please! We can't change these men.
We can put a thought in their head and hope they will cling to it as their own, but it will take time and most likely any changes that do occur won't happen quick enough for us. So women of the world, stop thinking that your no good man will be Mr. Right when you get through with him, because if he cheated with you while he was with someone else, he will cheat on you when you are married. If you found him dirty, then don't think he will always stay clean, because you bought him a new outfit. If he wasn't taking you out in broad daylight when you dated, then he's not going to start taking you out when you want him to. Women stop deceiving yourselves into thinking that your homebody man is going to suddenly become outgoing! You will have given your best years to someone who simply doesn't like what you like and eventually you will begin to give yourself up (your spirit) to appease him. What kind of life is that?
The following story is a typical situation of a woman who got herself involved with a no good man. There was once a woman who was very young, vibrant and beautiful. She fell in love with a very debonair, young gentleman who was very witty and kind. He was a big hit with the ladies and a big flirt. She worried about this man. Would he cheat on her? Would he leave her? She didn't trust him. As the couple grew older, they made plans to have children and to travel the world in a Winnebago. She believed this man would do what he said and so she held on to that dream.
Unfortunately, money, the children, and her worries got the best of them. Money was never enough and too many children took up too much time. However, those children became older, moved away and then the couple became alone. Her husband's grumpy attitude over the years overrided the wife's outgoing and personable temperament. Not only that, his desire for sex went out the window. This woman spent the majority of her life anticipating her husband's dreams be fulfilled, putting up with his grumpy temperament, and letting her worries override her spirit. What happened to her? In her mid-fifties, she died with no dreams to call her own, no sex, no true happiness, overweight and ill, just living day-to-day. Is that what you want? Could she have done better, if she could have foreseen the future? Yes. Don't believe that you can't see the future. Because you can avoid certain things, relationships and bad choices by the signs God gives you in advance. These "no good man" signs are here, not to keep you from ever experiencing anything negative, but to keep you from making the wrong decision that will keep you out of God's will permanently. Some men will slip just as some women will slip, but it doesn't have to keep you out of God's will, so please don't ignore the signs. Take the test after you read the signs to determine if you have a no good man, a man with potential, a Mr. Right man (what the general public believes is Mr. Right) or a Godly Man (a man after God's own heart).
Here Are the Signs
He's No Good...
1. He has no job when you met him and you paid for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Previous jobs he had, were always less than one year. His reasons why he left always seem to blame everyone else, but himself.
2. Lies or lied about wife or having had girlfriend(s) while you were dating him.
3. Still lives with his mother at least two years after having graduated from high school or college. If he is still living with his mother years after a separation, divorce, house fire, etc. avoid him.
4. Always changes the subject or avoids topics of God and religion. No desire to watch anything on t.v. related to God, does not attend church or read anything biblical. (Note: All Christian women stay away - do not be unequally yoked. You won't change him.)
5. Does not know how to fix anything. Cringes at anything that has to do with physical labor such as doing dishes, mopping the floor, mowing the grass, hanging a picture or organizing a shelf.
6. Doesn't like to spend his money. Always wants you to contribute.
7. Never buys anything new that includes his clothes, his furniture, his appliances and his cars.
8. Hides things of his around the house or away from home such as phone numbers, pornographic videotapes and magazines, sexual toys and old pictures of girlfriends.
9. He has absolutely no patience with children. Always talks about the negatives of having children, rarely sees the positive benefits.
10. Selfish with time, unless it benefits him in some way.
11. Selfish with money.
12. Selfish with sex, leaves you lying there while he rolls over and goes to sleep. Doesn't ask about your needs. Doesn't care.
13. Drunk when you met him and on consecutive dates after that.
14. Avoids conversations about commitment and doesn't act upon it.
15. After a few months you haven't met his parents, yet he has attended several get-togethers and never invited you.
16. All the gifts he buys you are under $50.00, yet his wardrobe is name brand, his car is expensive and his apartment is upscale.
17. You find yourself making excuses for his behavior and spending habits to family and friends.
18. Talks about you negatively to his parents, friends and relatives.
19. He enjoys calling you names and often foolishly jokes in public to embarrass you or belittle you.
20. Rarely enjoys going anywhere outside of his job such as vacationing to other states, going to the movies, and eating out at restaurants.
21. Complains about everything from what you two were served at the restaurant to how people park in parking lots.
22. Everything that has ever happened to him he blames everyone else.
23. He tells all your secrets.
24. He is always looking at other women or men's bodies and sometimes he will compare you to them or just generally make comments.
25. Always questions where you have gone, who you are with and is deeply concerned about you talking to other men.
These 25 definite signs that your man is no good and will be no good in the future should be used to evaluate whether or not you would want to spend the rest of your life with your current man. No one wants to devote their lives to someone and then end up divorcing later because they ignored the signs during their courtship. Please pay close attention to the signs, if it is something that bothers you, you are losing sleep and everyone is telling you "the man is no good," listen!
If you both continue to argue about the same things, and no one is changing, be the bigger person and leave. Ignore the comments that the no good man might say about you being "weak, a runner, lazy," etc. Don't go back, it will only get worse each time. If you should stay, think about your children. If the relationship is causing you more grief, than happiness, your children may be watching you and will pick up on your behavior or his. According to the media, one in two marriages end in divorce. The affects of divorce has been compared to losing a loved one. They are devastating, not only to you, but to other family members. However, it is up to you to pray and ask the Almighty God to direct your path. It is only through Him, that he will build a path of security, love, and kindness. Won't you pray today?
The relationship is completely over when...
1. It causes you physical or mental harm.
2. He poses six or more of these signs with no hope to change and you continuously argue about the same things.
3. He is potentially harmful to the children.
4. You have lost items that you own due to destructive behaviors.
5. You have experienced various types of harassment from ex-girlfriends, friends, and relatives.
NO GOOD MAN SCALE
Six and up - No Good Man. Make every effort to leave him, by surrounding yourself with positive people like family and friends, stop being intimate, living with him and talking on the phone unless you have a child involved. If so, meet him in public places and let all conversations be about the child or children.
Four to Five -Potential. There is hope for change, but it won't be immediate and he will have to do the changing. Remember you can't change him.
Three -Mr. Right. He isn't perfect, but he isn't immature. He values you and will attempt to do better.
One to Two - Godly Man.
Once again not perfect, but who is, except Jesus. This man is accountable to someone other than himself and that is God. Go to church with him.
Nicholl McGuire
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She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?