Seven Mistakes Women Make When A Man Is Unemployed
One mistake many women make with their men is talking about what their relatives and friends have, while comparing what their household doesn't. A man already feels bad about the haves and have nots whether he shows it or not; however telling him about others' things will not motivate him to go out and get a job. Instead, focus on what he has told you he desires once he starts working again. Try to encourage him by being supportive of his dreams.
The second mistake women make when a man is unemployed is feeling the need to ask him about his progress every day or every other day. If he is having some success in his job search, he won't mind keeping you posted. 'No news is not good news,' so don't ask him. You may want to offer to make some changes to his resume and bring classified ads home (but set the ads somewhere he can find them without making any comments or giving him any of your advice unless he is ready to receive it. You will know when he is ready when he starts asking you questions or sharing his experiences with his job search.)
The third mistake is sharing stories about your stressful workdays with him. Find someone else to talk to about your stress (at least temporarily.) Listening to you vent is not going to help an already stressed out man find a job. He is dealing with the pressure of trying to find a job quickly, rejection letters, no income, and relying on you when he feels he should be head of household.
The fourth mistake women make, when talking to their unemployed mates, is place blame. For instance, "If it wasn't for you not working, we could do this and we could do that! Why is this house not clean, if you had a job we wouldn't have such a dirty house? If you were working, my family wouldn't be talking about us so bad!" Making statements like these will drive a nail right through his heart that he may never recover from. So if you don't want him looking for someone a little friendlier than you for support, watch what you say to him. Then again, he may not even look twice at a woman now, but later on he may remember what you said while he was down and consider replacing you once he gets back on his feet. Christian women know what the Book of Proverbs say about quarreling women. If you don't know, ask someone who knows the Bible.
The fifth mistake is one of the absolute worst mistakes, complaining to family and relatives about your mate's slow progress in finding a job. You know what they will say to your face, then behind your back. "If it were me, I would give him an ultimatum." Then behind your back, "She is a fool to stay with him." If you must tell your family how you feel, ask them to pray for you and your family and if you need any help of any kind ask them. You don't need a gossip for a friend, but what you do need is assistance, so take them up on their offers of "if there is anything you need, just call." Don't be full of pride and most of all don't take your grocery or your chore list out on him!
The sixth mistake is another big one and many women are guilty of this one. You mention what your contributions are to the home and tell them what he doesn't do. This mistake is different than some of the others, because it is a direct attack on him, an unsuccessful attempt to make you feel good about yourself, and causes him to want to leave and never come back. Many men have walked out on their women the same night they said it. If you aren't ready to break up tonight, don't say it.
The last mistake is one that he already experiences from his buddies and that is the negative comments and jokes about being unemployed. Whether he was right or wrong about how he left his last job, this is definitely not the time to make "light of" his situation. He isn't ready to laugh right now, so save the jokes when he is bringing home a steady paycheck and even then you may not want to rehash what he has been through.
Being employed for most men is a statement of who they are. A man and his job is like a man and his dog, he relies on them both. It makes him feel good knowing that he can take care of his family. When he can't achieve his goals or his family's, it makes him feel less of a man. No matter how liberated of a woman you are and how much you contribute to the household, it will not make a man feel any better. All you can do as the love of his life is be supportive and reap the rewards with him when he is employed again.
For more relationship articles by Nicholl McGuire, visit www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire