Being around a partner's family during certain times of the year is one of the down sides when you don't like them, but you are expected to respect them--you know treat people how you would want to be treated. You can do this without bending over backwards for them or even going around them if you would like. However, one sets his or herself up to be provoked to anger when you know someone doesn't like you yet you attend their events and all the while you want to appease your partner. Doing this will make you mad at the enemy and your loved one. "I told you I didn't want to go...They don't like me and I don't like them!" says an angry boyfriend.
Sometimes we tell ourselves, "Why should I respect his/her family when they don't even like or respect me?" Because your partner loves them and if you love your partner you do find yourself going along with some things, but you don't have to go along with everything. If a partner sincerely loves you and wants to make the relationship work, then he or she will not permit his or her relatives to act meanly toward you.
Sometimes these trials related to family show up to test you on whether or not a relationship is really worth continuing. It shouldn't be difficult to reach a decision that is beneficial to all when it comes to family related stuff. Maybe it is better you stay home and your partner spends time with his or her relatives in peace without the worry of how you might respond to a rude relative. If they are showing up at your place, is there somewhere you can go until they leave if it's that bad? How about everyone goes elsewhere or stays together for the holidays? Is it really necessary to see negative people who are not very supportive of the relationship?
The arguments will show up in full force if you go off and tell someone in the family just how much you hate their &^%$ and how you would love to put your foot *&$# but of course, you wouldn't want to present yourself as the crazy ^&*(*%! Now would you? As we all know, holiday seasons are supposed to be a cheerful time and if it brings you peace keeping away from those you don't like, then your partner will need to respect that. But in turn, you show love by helping him or her pack the trunk to grandma's house, "Have a good trip, my dear!"
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and another blog about family related issues.