Break Up Withdrawal

If you have ended a relationship recently with someone, then you should know exactly what the title of this entry means, "Break Up Withdrawal."  Like a drug addict trying to sober up, a person who has recently broken up with someone is going to go through withdrawal. 

There are the stomach, head and chest aches whenever you think of this person or hear his or her name.  You may also experience mood swings that make you angry one minute and sad the next.  There is usually a strong desire to be with him or her, but after a lengthy discussion one realizes that his or her decision to let go was best. 

You will miss your ex and at times will go over in your head the events that led to your break up.  At times, you think he or she is the worst person in the world and may tell everyone so via phone, poetry, music, or counseling, but secretly you know he or she isn't that bad. 

You might surprisingly think about an ex from long ago and want to reconnect, because you desire a spark to make you feel alive again.  Sometimes you may attend church services, listen to praise music, or connect with friends just to keep your mind off this person or to keep away the desire to sleep with an ex or get someone new.  Break up withdrawal is serious!

But what keeps some people from going back to that one who has repeatedly hurt them?  They have learned that just like they were passionate at one time to be with this person, they have learned to be equally passionate about not wanting to be with a former partner.  I have heard people say, "When I break up with someone, I don't go back...I don't have sex...hang out--nothing!"  What has made them so adamant about their actions?  They have established boundaries that they will not permit themselves to break.  What are your boundaries? 

Some people don't bother to think about how they will deal with a break up until after the fact.  When one breaks up with another, it is a process.  You can't simply walk out the door and say, "That's it!"  It's a journey toward healing.  If you want to reach healing, you must allow yourself to do the following:  cry, get angry, write a "Dear John" letter (that you don't send otherwise you are encouraging dialogue,) discuss your issues with a trusted friend, take care of yourself, and most of all establish a new life that no longer includes, "we."  It's hard at times to get over someone and it may take a long-time; so take baby steps!  However, keeping in contact with the person, seeing he or she everyday, and doing other things (like having sex with this person) will hinder the process.  Know that you know that you know!

Nicholl McGuire


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