Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: The Guilt-ridden, Ashamed Abusive Spouse
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: The Guilt-ridden, Ashamed Abusive Spouse: For every striking blow, curse word spoken, and silent treatment tactic used, a guilt-ridden and ashamed filled spouse will reap what he or ...
Sex That's All You Might Have in Common with a Partner
It happens, you end up with a partner that doesn't have too much to say outside of flirting, suggestions to have sex, and intimate talk about the next time you will have sex (sigh). Doesn't this guy or gal know something more than sex?
When you don't have much in common but sex, it can be a challenge to have a quality relationship that goes the distance. Think of those moments you really hit it off with someone, you did more than talk and have sex didn't you?
You fool yourself into thinking that there will be more in the future to discover about this person. Usually whatever "more" is it just isn't as exciting and fun when your mind is programmed to say and do sexy things most often with this individual.
Find other things to think about and test this person on what he or she really wants from you besides sex. Ask about personal interests outside the bedroom that inspire him or her to live his or her best life now. Suggest places to see and recreational things to do together that don't involve heavy petting or sex like visiting an arcade, rock wall climbing, checking out a museum, touring a community, playing a sport, attending a concert, etc.
You just might be disappointed about what you will learn about the person like he or she really isn't your ideal match for starters especially when he or she repeatedly turns down your suggestions. It is better to know sooner rather than later that the only thing you two have is sex in common.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.
When you don't have much in common but sex, it can be a challenge to have a quality relationship that goes the distance. Think of those moments you really hit it off with someone, you did more than talk and have sex didn't you?
You fool yourself into thinking that there will be more in the future to discover about this person. Usually whatever "more" is it just isn't as exciting and fun when your mind is programmed to say and do sexy things most often with this individual.
Find other things to think about and test this person on what he or she really wants from you besides sex. Ask about personal interests outside the bedroom that inspire him or her to live his or her best life now. Suggest places to see and recreational things to do together that don't involve heavy petting or sex like visiting an arcade, rock wall climbing, checking out a museum, touring a community, playing a sport, attending a concert, etc.
You just might be disappointed about what you will learn about the person like he or she really isn't your ideal match for starters especially when he or she repeatedly turns down your suggestions. It is better to know sooner rather than later that the only thing you two have is sex in common.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.
The Stress of Dating Someone Who is Stressed - family, tragedy, money woes, life
It can be quite stressful dating someone who is stressed about any number of things on any given day. Whether it is family concerns, a money problem, unruly children, or a crazy ex, your date's troubles can rub off on you!
No matter what the issue someone else is facing, you don't need to let their problems consume you. You are empathetic, but you have a life. You are sorry that they are going through much and offer assistance, but you know you can't afford to lose it too or go broke. Life goes on, there are highs and lows and hopefully your date will rise above his or her blues, but maybe not.
Now if your date is using the time you spend together to vent, allow him or her to do just that, but also provide suggestions that will help your date calm down a bit. From a favorite drink to a nice massage, think of ways to help him or her relax. You will discover what type of person you are connecting with by the way he or she responds or doesn't to your efforts. A moody, troubled, or difficult personality will draw you into some kind of crazy-making battle that makes no logical sense, distance yourself from that type--it only gets worse!
You might change the subject after listening to your date's long rant in a gentle way and ask what might uplift his or her mood a bit if you have no clue what else to say or do. If all else fails, give your date some space. Let him or her know that you care, but the time might be better spent in peace and quiet. Excuse yourself and spend the needed time alone unwinding. Remember you have a life!
The more you learn about a date, the more you can determine whether he or she will be a good partner even during tough times. Can he or she mentally keep it together? If not, well there is always more fish in the sea if you know you can't deal with all the baggage that comes with someone. Choose your partner wisely.
Nicholl McGuire author of She's Crazy, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.
No matter what the issue someone else is facing, you don't need to let their problems consume you. You are empathetic, but you have a life. You are sorry that they are going through much and offer assistance, but you know you can't afford to lose it too or go broke. Life goes on, there are highs and lows and hopefully your date will rise above his or her blues, but maybe not.
Now if your date is using the time you spend together to vent, allow him or her to do just that, but also provide suggestions that will help your date calm down a bit. From a favorite drink to a nice massage, think of ways to help him or her relax. You will discover what type of person you are connecting with by the way he or she responds or doesn't to your efforts. A moody, troubled, or difficult personality will draw you into some kind of crazy-making battle that makes no logical sense, distance yourself from that type--it only gets worse!
You might change the subject after listening to your date's long rant in a gentle way and ask what might uplift his or her mood a bit if you have no clue what else to say or do. If all else fails, give your date some space. Let him or her know that you care, but the time might be better spent in peace and quiet. Excuse yourself and spend the needed time alone unwinding. Remember you have a life!
The more you learn about a date, the more you can determine whether he or she will be a good partner even during tough times. Can he or she mentally keep it together? If not, well there is always more fish in the sea if you know you can't deal with all the baggage that comes with someone. Choose your partner wisely.
Nicholl McGuire author of She's Crazy, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.
When a Partner Puts Everyone Before You - family, friends, co-workers
When you began dating your partner whether months or years ago, you didn't anticipate that the future would be like this, he or she would ignore, make excuses to get out of doing things with you, make favorite relatives a priority, and accuse you of acting insecure or jealous. All you wanted was a relationship with your mate and you didn't expect anything less. However, these days it feels like you are all alone. Your feelings don't matter, time spent together is unimportant, and when you so much as you bring up a conversation that sounds the least bit unflattering, you are deemed a trouble-maker by your selfish partner. As long as you go along with his or her program, you are a "good" girlfriend, "great" boyfriend or spouse. Well enough is enough!
As much as you might not like to sit down and talk about your feelings, state consequences, or be critical about the way your partner is treating you, you will have to keep going to him or her about what ails you until there is some kind of resolve met. It is going to take some time, patience, a willingness to listen to unpleasant things, and most of all love. If you plan to be in this relationship for the long haul, you will have to do your part to make it work. As for your partner, your repeated conversations, requests, or even demands and his or her response to them will determine how dedicated he or she is to the partnership.
You are right when you feel like you are second-best. So you might as well put yourself first. Don't wait around for your partner to validate you, celebrate you, or do anything with you. Chances are if he or she is behaving like you are irrelevant, most likely he or she has lost interest in you for any number of reasons including you possibly being too available for him or her. Start planning your life that doesn't require much attention from your partner and watch what happens. If he or she sees that there is distance, maybe the individual will realize one just might be losing you.
Find the time to do some things together even if the moments are few and far in between. The upside is you will appreciate one another more and because you don't have much time to be together due to other responsibilities you just might make the most of it.
If you find that outside influences are impacting your relationship and it isn't all your partner's doing, then you might want to make your mate aware of what you have observed. Don't worry about what he or she says about your being "insecure, jealous, worry too much..." Continue to state how you feel and ask him or her to consider what you have said. You may even have to confront or expose someone at fault for their disrespectful behavior. If you don't want to deal with the person who you believe is causing a wedge in your relationship head-on, think of ways that will solve their situation so that he or she isn't relying on your mate so much even if that means volunteering your service every once in awhile. This way you can get to know this person a bit better and see up close and personal what is really going on with him or her when your partner isn't around. You can also share how much you love your partner and will stand by him or her through thick and thin. This way the individual has a sense that you are not weak and will not be used or abused by them. Don't ever share too much personal information that can be used against you later and whatever you do don't badmouth your partner to relatives and friends.
It hurts when you see that a partner is behaving rather accommodating to everyone else but you. You feel ignored, alone, and confused. If you have a personal faith, now is a good time to use it as well as draw on healthy support from individuals who have gone through something similar. If you can't withstand the agony of what is happening and you see no change with a partner after sharing your feelings, protect your heart, create distance, and re-evaluate whether you want to be in a relationship with someone like this.
Nicholl McGuire
As much as you might not like to sit down and talk about your feelings, state consequences, or be critical about the way your partner is treating you, you will have to keep going to him or her about what ails you until there is some kind of resolve met. It is going to take some time, patience, a willingness to listen to unpleasant things, and most of all love. If you plan to be in this relationship for the long haul, you will have to do your part to make it work. As for your partner, your repeated conversations, requests, or even demands and his or her response to them will determine how dedicated he or she is to the partnership.
You are right when you feel like you are second-best. So you might as well put yourself first. Don't wait around for your partner to validate you, celebrate you, or do anything with you. Chances are if he or she is behaving like you are irrelevant, most likely he or she has lost interest in you for any number of reasons including you possibly being too available for him or her. Start planning your life that doesn't require much attention from your partner and watch what happens. If he or she sees that there is distance, maybe the individual will realize one just might be losing you.
Find the time to do some things together even if the moments are few and far in between. The upside is you will appreciate one another more and because you don't have much time to be together due to other responsibilities you just might make the most of it.
If you find that outside influences are impacting your relationship and it isn't all your partner's doing, then you might want to make your mate aware of what you have observed. Don't worry about what he or she says about your being "insecure, jealous, worry too much..." Continue to state how you feel and ask him or her to consider what you have said. You may even have to confront or expose someone at fault for their disrespectful behavior. If you don't want to deal with the person who you believe is causing a wedge in your relationship head-on, think of ways that will solve their situation so that he or she isn't relying on your mate so much even if that means volunteering your service every once in awhile. This way you can get to know this person a bit better and see up close and personal what is really going on with him or her when your partner isn't around. You can also share how much you love your partner and will stand by him or her through thick and thin. This way the individual has a sense that you are not weak and will not be used or abused by them. Don't ever share too much personal information that can be used against you later and whatever you do don't badmouth your partner to relatives and friends.
It hurts when you see that a partner is behaving rather accommodating to everyone else but you. You feel ignored, alone, and confused. If you have a personal faith, now is a good time to use it as well as draw on healthy support from individuals who have gone through something similar. If you can't withstand the agony of what is happening and you see no change with a partner after sharing your feelings, protect your heart, create distance, and re-evaluate whether you want to be in a relationship with someone like this.
Nicholl McGuire
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She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?