How to Deal With Ex-Boyfriends
You got an ex boyfriend that keeps bothering you emotionally or physically? You need to deal with "this issue" before it ruins your future happiness with someone else. How to Deal With Ex-Boyfriends
When Seeking a Date at a Family Function
There are some dos and don'ts when trying to connect with someone at a family function. If you don't want to be the butt of jokes, ashamed, or marked as a jerk or some other bad name, watch what you say and do. Unlike others just enjoying time with the family, you are on a mission--good luck!
Here are some of the don'ts:
1. Don't talk to anyone with bad breath. Obvious advice right? Think about how many people at family gatherings forget they ate something with onions or garlic and now they want to share their hot smelling breath with everyone.
2. Don't use a happy time to vent about your frustrations with life, work, government, religion, relationships, etc. You will surely be marked as a loser!
3. Don't lie or exaggerate because people who knew you when...will blow your cover.
As follows, here are some of the dos:
1. Do ask questions.
2. Do compliment your potential date.
3. Do listen to your potential date and do take the time to introduce this person to someone you know at the family gathering that he or she might not, share an interesting hobby, point out an interesting photo, etc.
Simple enough tips, right? Let's see how you'll do. Be sure to come back to this blog and tell your story.
Nicholl McGuire
Here are some of the don'ts:
1. Don't talk to anyone with bad breath. Obvious advice right? Think about how many people at family gatherings forget they ate something with onions or garlic and now they want to share their hot smelling breath with everyone.
2. Don't use a happy time to vent about your frustrations with life, work, government, religion, relationships, etc. You will surely be marked as a loser!
3. Don't lie or exaggerate because people who knew you when...will blow your cover.
As follows, here are some of the dos:
1. Do ask questions.
2. Do compliment your potential date.
3. Do listen to your potential date and do take the time to introduce this person to someone you know at the family gathering that he or she might not, share an interesting hobby, point out an interesting photo, etc.
Simple enough tips, right? Let's see how you'll do. Be sure to come back to this blog and tell your story.
Nicholl McGuire
Five tips for feuding couples
Five tips for feuding couples
5 Things You Need to Know When Talking to Mothers about their Children
Whether you are single and have no children of your own or
considering dating someone with children, there are some things you just don’t
say if you hope to have a great relationship with a mom.
One. “I would never…”
Every mother is different in the way she handles issues when
it comes to her children. What you might
consider wrong, offensive, rude, or downright crazy, in her mind, she may not
think so. Consider this, if what she is doing
is that bad, you might want to talk with a professional to see if you can get
some help for her. But if what she is
doing is really no different than most mothers, then your personal thoughts on
what you “would never do" are yours alone and should be kept to yourself.
Two. “If that were my
child…”
Once again, another personal opinion of what one believes he
or she would do in a similar situation.
If you don’t want conflict with a doting mother or would rather not be ignored by her, don’t begin
giving unsolicited advice with, “If that were my child…” rather ask, “Would you
mind me asking you something about what you just did?”
Three. “I have
watched children so I know…”
Some people claim to be an authority when it comes to
parenting children because, “I watched my brothers and sisters…I have a couple
of my own…” How one trains his or her
children may get desired results for that family, but not so much for someone
else’s, especially when a son or daughter has been trained by a parent
to act a certain way for years. Sometimes
it isn’t the fault of the mother when a child continues to perform in negative
ways after being scolded numerous times, consider the father, in-laws, and
others who are involved in the child’s life who encourage negativity. When you see something bothering you about a
child, and you call the mother’s attention to it, don’t argue with her when you
see she is becoming defensive. Chances
are, she is already upset that the child is behaving the way he or she is and
doesn’t need an argument from a witness too.
Four. “Have you ever
thought about how your child might feel…”
Although this is thought of as a nice way of bringing something up about a
child to a parent to some who assume they know what's best, it just might turn into a big deal with many mothers. It all
depends on what you say afterward that will either win friends or
cause World War III. So be sure that
what you are about to say is worth the possible tongue lashing that might
follow. There are many mothers that
actually spend far too much time appeasing their children, acknowledging
feelings, and giving them what they want.
Be certain that before you say something like this, she isn’t one of those
mothers that is already doing far too much to protect her child’s feelings.
Five. “I have a
degree in…”
If you want to turn a mother off completely, start talking
about your professional background when she is trying to manage her children,
household, career, and more! The last
thing one should ever do, not just with a mother, but anyone is spout off one’s
knowledge. When someone is obviously
struggling with many things, she doesn’t need a mouth, she needs a helping hand
preferably with a gift that makes her job easier, helps out with her household,
and keeps the children busy.
We can be too quick to speak sometimes, because we think we
know what’s best. When you are in the
presence of a mother with children, do more observing and less talking. Let her share her stories. You will find the longer you listen to her,
the more likely you will find that she has a reason why she says what she says
and does what she does when it comes to parenting her children. One way to communicate a message is to give
her a phone number, a flier, or a business card that leads her to some help if
you think she needs it or offer your service while expecting nothing in return.
When we take a moment to put ourselves in someone else's shoes, it makes a world of difference in our relationships with others.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry
Learn More About Your Date Without Jumping Into Bed
If you made the mistake once, you most likely made it more times than you can count, take a date home with you only to have sex and then afterward ask yourself, "Do I really know her/him?"
It is such a let down when you find out you really don't have too much in common with your date after far too many episodes of sexing it up then meeting parents, moving in together, a possible proposal, a pregnancy, and more. You feel like running away, ending it all because, "I should have...I could have...I wish I had..." a little too late when mistakes are already made, some you just have to live with. But how does one minimize the regrets in a new relationship?
One. Keep dates out of your apartment/home for as long as you can.
The day you opened that door and let her/him "to stay awhile" is the day that you said, "Let's have sex." Whether you verbalized it or not at some point he or she is going to expect some action in your bedroom. Remind yourself, "I don't really know my date well enough to share a glass of water much less a bed together!"
Two. Don't plan an intimate vacation together that includes a hotel room.
At some point in the relationship one or both of you will want to go somewhere out of town, but is it necessary to room together? Why awaken something between you two that has yet to fully develop? Are you seriously considering a committed relationship with this person? What if she becomes pregnant? What if he has an incurable STD? Think before you sleep!
Three. Value time alone.
Spending time alone helps you think about many things as it relates to your date. You can prepare questions, conduct research, talk to others about this person, and plan for fun things to do that don't involve a bed.
Here are some things you can do that will not only be interesting, but will help you determine whether your date is compatible with you.
Let's say you like sporting events, then offer to take your date to a game, but watch her/his reaction and then use the opportunity to find out if he/she is a couch potato, beer drinking, loud mouth who doesn't miss a game. With that information, you will know what most weekends will look like when the newness of the relationship wears off.
Invite this person to a crowded venue. Use the people atmosphere as a test to see how he or she handles being around others. Does it irritate him or her that there is so much activity happening around you both? Does he or she act strange around crowds? When you see the behavior is odd maybe this person might not do well when you invite him or her to your professional events.
Consider taking a class together. This is a good way to know whether or not your date is sincerely open to learning new things. If he or she complains a lot, acts impatient, and often tells you, "I don't like..." then find out what he or she likes and suggest you two take a class together in that too on a later date. Then compare how he or she behaves between the two classes. This will also help you find out more about him or her in an environment he or she enjoys and whether or not you could tolerate your date's interest in a committed, long term relationship.
Bring your date to a family event. Can your date do well amongst curious, bold talking relatives who only want to protect you?
From the grocery store to the library, there are many places you could go together to learn more about one another's interests. When you look beyond the bedroom, you just might discover things about your date you would have most likely overlooked had you been intimate. Pay attention to his or her facial expressions when interacting with others. Notice how he or she dresses and smells when going out with you. Mix up settings so you get a good idea how he or she dresses for each. Test this person who might one day be your wife or husband. Ask a controversial question, make a bold statement about one's views, and question immoral decision-making.
When one is considering someone to be in their lives in the most intimate way, he or she needs to know what is a date bringing or not bringing to the table. Establish your boundaries early. Don't give into tempting situations just because your date says, "It's okay...I like you...I love you...you are the best date I ever had...I want to marry you...I will give you money to help you with your problem...I care." All of these statements are nothing more than lures when one chooses to ignore your boundaries so that he or she can get sex. Remind this person of your boundaries and mean what you say. If he or she respects your wishes, then who knows, your date might be a keeper!
Nicholl McGuire
Read more of her work at http://tipsdatingoldermen.blogspot.com
)
It is such a let down when you find out you really don't have too much in common with your date after far too many episodes of sexing it up then meeting parents, moving in together, a possible proposal, a pregnancy, and more. You feel like running away, ending it all because, "I should have...I could have...I wish I had..." a little too late when mistakes are already made, some you just have to live with. But how does one minimize the regrets in a new relationship?
One. Keep dates out of your apartment/home for as long as you can.
The day you opened that door and let her/him "to stay awhile" is the day that you said, "Let's have sex." Whether you verbalized it or not at some point he or she is going to expect some action in your bedroom. Remind yourself, "I don't really know my date well enough to share a glass of water much less a bed together!"
Two. Don't plan an intimate vacation together that includes a hotel room.
At some point in the relationship one or both of you will want to go somewhere out of town, but is it necessary to room together? Why awaken something between you two that has yet to fully develop? Are you seriously considering a committed relationship with this person? What if she becomes pregnant? What if he has an incurable STD? Think before you sleep!
Three. Value time alone.
Spending time alone helps you think about many things as it relates to your date. You can prepare questions, conduct research, talk to others about this person, and plan for fun things to do that don't involve a bed.
Here are some things you can do that will not only be interesting, but will help you determine whether your date is compatible with you.
Let's say you like sporting events, then offer to take your date to a game, but watch her/his reaction and then use the opportunity to find out if he/she is a couch potato, beer drinking, loud mouth who doesn't miss a game. With that information, you will know what most weekends will look like when the newness of the relationship wears off.
Invite this person to a crowded venue. Use the people atmosphere as a test to see how he or she handles being around others. Does it irritate him or her that there is so much activity happening around you both? Does he or she act strange around crowds? When you see the behavior is odd maybe this person might not do well when you invite him or her to your professional events.
Consider taking a class together. This is a good way to know whether or not your date is sincerely open to learning new things. If he or she complains a lot, acts impatient, and often tells you, "I don't like..." then find out what he or she likes and suggest you two take a class together in that too on a later date. Then compare how he or she behaves between the two classes. This will also help you find out more about him or her in an environment he or she enjoys and whether or not you could tolerate your date's interest in a committed, long term relationship.
Bring your date to a family event. Can your date do well amongst curious, bold talking relatives who only want to protect you?
From the grocery store to the library, there are many places you could go together to learn more about one another's interests. When you look beyond the bedroom, you just might discover things about your date you would have most likely overlooked had you been intimate. Pay attention to his or her facial expressions when interacting with others. Notice how he or she dresses and smells when going out with you. Mix up settings so you get a good idea how he or she dresses for each. Test this person who might one day be your wife or husband. Ask a controversial question, make a bold statement about one's views, and question immoral decision-making.
When one is considering someone to be in their lives in the most intimate way, he or she needs to know what is a date bringing or not bringing to the table. Establish your boundaries early. Don't give into tempting situations just because your date says, "It's okay...I like you...I love you...you are the best date I ever had...I want to marry you...I will give you money to help you with your problem...I care." All of these statements are nothing more than lures when one chooses to ignore your boundaries so that he or she can get sex. Remind this person of your boundaries and mean what you say. If he or she respects your wishes, then who knows, your date might be a keeper!
Nicholl McGuire
Read more of her work at http://tipsdatingoldermen.blogspot.com
)
5 Things You Seriously Want to Think About When It Comes to Relationship Challenges
When you are in love, you don't want to think about the "what ifs" when it comes to the future of your relationship, rather all you want to do is bask in the glory of being loved and loving! You don't want anyone telling you anything either, for fear that they might bring a negative energy to your partnership.
For now, you might simply believe that your new lover is much better, nicer, sweeter, etc. then that last one. But the truth of the matter is, maybe this person is better, but you haven't changed much if not at all. You are still that person you were who your last partner complained about "...not ever having this, not ever wanting to do that, and why are you always...?" Maybe for now you are doing certain things for your partner, because you want to make a good impression, but sooner or later that old person in you is going to show up (that is unless you have a faith and feel accountable to the Lord then you might suppress him/her). When the old man/woman shows up within you, the one you are currently with is going to ask, "Who is this person I am seeing?" He or she is going to temporarily feel let down until you do something to make him or her stay in love with you. Your new sweetheart will most likely tell you about "how you made me feel...when you said/did that..." and depending on how much your old man/woman within has done, who knows, your lover might even break up with you.
Now that you are feeling a little concerned, and possibly a tad-bit perturbed that someone is giving you a reality check when you rather be in a fantasy world, keep the following points in mind. I promise you, I will stay relatively positive.
1. You are flawed and so is your lover. Knowing this, embrace him/her even when they don't make you feel your best. Also, know what you are willing to put up with and what you simply will not. Be clear and polite when explaining your boundaries, but be open to forgive when he or she messes up.
2. Don't over-analyze every frown, negative disposition, or tone in one's voice. There is no way that someone will always meet, greet and answer you in a polite way. People have good days and bad days and you just have to learn to be understanding. Chances are his or her issue has nothing to do with you. Remember this person in your life has others who might impact him or her in a negative way. When you see your partner is feeling down simply ask, "Is there anything I can do?" Don't allow pride, a busy schedule or other things keep you from being in tuned to your partner's needs.
3. Know that just because your family and friends have good relationships doesn't mean that they will always be that way. Sometimes we like to brag about what someone else has as if somehow we are impressing the one that we are with while hoping that we will have the same longevity in our relationships. But remember, you are not that lovely couple down the street (and I'm sure your partner doesn't want to be compared to another man or woman either). Further, you don't really know how that couple behaves with one another behind closed doors (see my blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate). So mind your own business and work to make your own relationship something special!
4. What you want isn't necessarily what your partner wants. I know that as much as we would like to have most things in common with our partners, most often that just isn't going to happen. Therefore, don't assume that he or she wants the same meal he or she ordered the last time, likes the same movies and music, and prefers to stay at home every weekend. If you sincerely love and respect this person, you will at times step out of your comfort zone and ask, "So what would you like to do? What would you like to order?"
5. Your relationship might be temporary. There is the possibility that your lover/friend/partner may be moving at a slower pace when it comes to things like: marriage, love, trust, forgiveness, and other things that are significant to the foundation of a relationship, with these things in mind, don't force, coerce, manipulate, or go to God thinking that he will supernaturally come down and make this person move faster, act better, or be all that you want him or her to be. Remember, if your partner is not totally committed to wanting to be with you, and only you, then this relationship just might be temporary.
Now before you start worrying about the future of your relationship, consider this, you are learning and growing and you can take all that you are experiencing right now in your relationship and treat it like a lemon, make lemonade out of it! Lemonade is sweet, healthy and helps quench your thirst when you are hot. Drink until you can't drink anymore. Once the lemonade runs out, either go make some more or call it quits--either way you got something out of it. God bless.
Nicholl McGuire is this blog owner and author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic
For now, you might simply believe that your new lover is much better, nicer, sweeter, etc. then that last one. But the truth of the matter is, maybe this person is better, but you haven't changed much if not at all. You are still that person you were who your last partner complained about "...not ever having this, not ever wanting to do that, and why are you always...?" Maybe for now you are doing certain things for your partner, because you want to make a good impression, but sooner or later that old person in you is going to show up (that is unless you have a faith and feel accountable to the Lord then you might suppress him/her). When the old man/woman shows up within you, the one you are currently with is going to ask, "Who is this person I am seeing?" He or she is going to temporarily feel let down until you do something to make him or her stay in love with you. Your new sweetheart will most likely tell you about "how you made me feel...when you said/did that..." and depending on how much your old man/woman within has done, who knows, your lover might even break up with you.
Now that you are feeling a little concerned, and possibly a tad-bit perturbed that someone is giving you a reality check when you rather be in a fantasy world, keep the following points in mind. I promise you, I will stay relatively positive.
1. You are flawed and so is your lover. Knowing this, embrace him/her even when they don't make you feel your best. Also, know what you are willing to put up with and what you simply will not. Be clear and polite when explaining your boundaries, but be open to forgive when he or she messes up.
2. Don't over-analyze every frown, negative disposition, or tone in one's voice. There is no way that someone will always meet, greet and answer you in a polite way. People have good days and bad days and you just have to learn to be understanding. Chances are his or her issue has nothing to do with you. Remember this person in your life has others who might impact him or her in a negative way. When you see your partner is feeling down simply ask, "Is there anything I can do?" Don't allow pride, a busy schedule or other things keep you from being in tuned to your partner's needs.
3. Know that just because your family and friends have good relationships doesn't mean that they will always be that way. Sometimes we like to brag about what someone else has as if somehow we are impressing the one that we are with while hoping that we will have the same longevity in our relationships. But remember, you are not that lovely couple down the street (and I'm sure your partner doesn't want to be compared to another man or woman either). Further, you don't really know how that couple behaves with one another behind closed doors (see my blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate). So mind your own business and work to make your own relationship something special!
4. What you want isn't necessarily what your partner wants. I know that as much as we would like to have most things in common with our partners, most often that just isn't going to happen. Therefore, don't assume that he or she wants the same meal he or she ordered the last time, likes the same movies and music, and prefers to stay at home every weekend. If you sincerely love and respect this person, you will at times step out of your comfort zone and ask, "So what would you like to do? What would you like to order?"
5. Your relationship might be temporary. There is the possibility that your lover/friend/partner may be moving at a slower pace when it comes to things like: marriage, love, trust, forgiveness, and other things that are significant to the foundation of a relationship, with these things in mind, don't force, coerce, manipulate, or go to God thinking that he will supernaturally come down and make this person move faster, act better, or be all that you want him or her to be. Remember, if your partner is not totally committed to wanting to be with you, and only you, then this relationship just might be temporary.
Now before you start worrying about the future of your relationship, consider this, you are learning and growing and you can take all that you are experiencing right now in your relationship and treat it like a lemon, make lemonade out of it! Lemonade is sweet, healthy and helps quench your thirst when you are hot. Drink until you can't drink anymore. Once the lemonade runs out, either go make some more or call it quits--either way you got something out of it. God bless.
Nicholl McGuire is this blog owner and author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic
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She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?