5 Things You Seriously Want to Think About When It Comes to Relationship Challenges
For now, you might simply believe that your new lover is much better, nicer, sweeter, etc. then that last one. But the truth of the matter is, maybe this person is better, but you haven't changed much if not at all. You are still that person you were who your last partner complained about "...not ever having this, not ever wanting to do that, and why are you always...?" Maybe for now you are doing certain things for your partner, because you want to make a good impression, but sooner or later that old person in you is going to show up (that is unless you have a faith and feel accountable to the Lord then you might suppress him/her). When the old man/woman shows up within you, the one you are currently with is going to ask, "Who is this person I am seeing?" He or she is going to temporarily feel let down until you do something to make him or her stay in love with you. Your new sweetheart will most likely tell you about "how you made me feel...when you said/did that..." and depending on how much your old man/woman within has done, who knows, your lover might even break up with you.
Now that you are feeling a little concerned, and possibly a tad-bit perturbed that someone is giving you a reality check when you rather be in a fantasy world, keep the following points in mind. I promise you, I will stay relatively positive.
1. You are flawed and so is your lover. Knowing this, embrace him/her even when they don't make you feel your best. Also, know what you are willing to put up with and what you simply will not. Be clear and polite when explaining your boundaries, but be open to forgive when he or she messes up.
2. Don't over-analyze every frown, negative disposition, or tone in one's voice. There is no way that someone will always meet, greet and answer you in a polite way. People have good days and bad days and you just have to learn to be understanding. Chances are his or her issue has nothing to do with you. Remember this person in your life has others who might impact him or her in a negative way. When you see your partner is feeling down simply ask, "Is there anything I can do?" Don't allow pride, a busy schedule or other things keep you from being in tuned to your partner's needs.
3. Know that just because your family and friends have good relationships doesn't mean that they will always be that way. Sometimes we like to brag about what someone else has as if somehow we are impressing the one that we are with while hoping that we will have the same longevity in our relationships. But remember, you are not that lovely couple down the street (and I'm sure your partner doesn't want to be compared to another man or woman either). Further, you don't really know how that couple behaves with one another behind closed doors (see my blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate). So mind your own business and work to make your own relationship something special!
4. What you want isn't necessarily what your partner wants. I know that as much as we would like to have most things in common with our partners, most often that just isn't going to happen. Therefore, don't assume that he or she wants the same meal he or she ordered the last time, likes the same movies and music, and prefers to stay at home every weekend. If you sincerely love and respect this person, you will at times step out of your comfort zone and ask, "So what would you like to do? What would you like to order?"
5. Your relationship might be temporary. There is the possibility that your lover/friend/partner may be moving at a slower pace when it comes to things like: marriage, love, trust, forgiveness, and other things that are significant to the foundation of a relationship, with these things in mind, don't force, coerce, manipulate, or go to God thinking that he will supernaturally come down and make this person move faster, act better, or be all that you want him or her to be. Remember, if your partner is not totally committed to wanting to be with you, and only you, then this relationship just might be temporary.
Now before you start worrying about the future of your relationship, consider this, you are learning and growing and you can take all that you are experiencing right now in your relationship and treat it like a lemon, make lemonade out of it! Lemonade is sweet, healthy and helps quench your thirst when you are hot. Drink until you can't drink anymore. Once the lemonade runs out, either go make some more or call it quits--either way you got something out of it. God bless.
Nicholl McGuire is this blog owner and author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic