Advice for the Mature Man Dating a Young Woman

You may have heard the phrase, "Grow up!" from a loved one. A statement such as this is normally said during an argument or after one has said or done something that appears childish or ridiculous. You may have used this statement while disputing with your partner or vice versa.

There comes a point in any new relationship where couples begin to evaluate whether their partners are mature enough to be in a relationship.

 

You may have experienced far too many arguments lately with a woman years younger than you. You noticed frequent emotional outbursts over the littlest of things that to any outsider would be considered "no big deal," but to your partner, it's the end of the world.

 

When her actions and reactions start trickling outside of the bedroom and into the car, in front of relatives at an event or witnessed by strangers on the street, then you know you have a serious problem on your hands! Are these outbursts sincerely legitimate or childish temper- tantrums?

 

Consider the following signs.

 

One. She finds fault with you and everyone else; rather than looking inward.

 

From her tardiness getting to work to her frequent mood swings, she believes you are the reason why she doesn't feel comfortable in the relationship. You can't bring a problem to her attention without her sighing deeply, rolling her eyes, or defending her actions with, "Well if you...and you should...why don't you..." She doesn't want to be held accountable for anything, it's always the other person's fault.

 

Two. She still thinks that clubbing is the only good form of entertainment.

 

Whenever she suggests a place to go, it's always the club, a bar or a place to drink. You may have enjoyed partying with her at one time, but now that lifestyle is getting old especially when you see she doesn't monitor her alcohol consumption very well. You may have shared your concern with her but all she can say is, "You're so boring!"

 

Three. She argues with her parents and others like she is still a teen.

 

There will be no getting through to your girlfriend, fiancé, or wife when debating. She will yell, cuss, and/or throw things to ensure that she doesn't have to listen to your negative feedback. "Besides moron, what about you!" She yells when confronted. Then she follows up her insults with a list of everything that is wrong with you. Relatives and friends have warned you about her sometimes in a nice way and other times in a bold way, "You could do better!" some have told you. Yet, you insist on taking this bad girl's insults and/or physical abuses all in the name of "love."

 

Four. She expects you to buy her out of her problems and grant her every wish.

 

She overdrafts her bank account for the umpteenth time and she sweet talks you into helping her out. She owes someone money and she begs for your help with promises to pay you back. She is angered with all the people who won't loan her any money. She makes excuses as to why she can't balance her checkbook.

 

Five. She gossips about everything from her best friend's relationship to celebrity dramas.

 

While laughing at yet another person's downfall, she expects you to join in on the fun. You don't think other people's problems are the least bit funny so you refrain from talking to her about them. She gets angry and accuses you of not listening to her and not caring about what she says. "You don't listen to me...you don't like to talk to me!" You try to explain you aren't interested in that kind of subject matter, but she flicks you off and calls you a name or two.

 

Six. She thinks that getting married and having a baby will complete her.

 

You may have had this conversation in a round-about way if you aren't already married. But from the looks of things, the immature woman nor you are ready to have a baby much less do anything else. She tries to convince you of "how cute" a son or daughter with your eyes might be. She confides about how she wants to give her children a better life than she had and shares stories that make even your dog howl at the moon. She may talk of a wedding complete with all your family and how dapper you might look dressed in your suit. It all seems so nice until your next argument about that "b*tch at the restaurant staring at you" and "What!? You want to....her!" she screams.

 

Seven. She has no respect for authority or your family.

 

You introduced her to loved ones and friends and initially she seemed okay with them until they started doing the following: telling her what to do, talking about her to others and doing other little things to anger her. She didn't bother to come to you for advice; instead, she let them all have it! "I told my boss off...I won't let your mother talk to me any kind of way...if you think I will just let them do whatever..." There is a right and a wrong way to handle every situation, and she chooses to handle it in the most unorthodox and disrespectful way she can!

 

Eight. She cries, ignores or plots revenge on all who wrong her.

 

You may have heard her outline her plan with a girlfriend over the phone, read it on a piece of paper and/or she boldly told you what she will do to anyone who does something to her. A few times you may have been the victim or the accomplice in some of her evil schemes.

 

Nine. She loves junk food, detests healthy food and exercise and falsely assumes she will always look attractive.

 

Warning after warning you have given her about her junk food consumption and she just blew you off! "Listen, it's my body! I love my pork rinds, my coke, my chocolate candies..." Lately, you have noticed how her mid-section is increasing and her behind is spreading, but all she can say is, "Love me for me!"

 

Ten. She focuses far too much on receiving than giving.

 

"It's my birthday what did you get me? It's our anniversary what did you buy me? What did you bring me back...did you get me what I asked for..." However, when you ask her the same, she always has an excuse.

 

Now that you have ten signs that quite frankly tell you she hasn't grown up yet, use them to determine whether you want to stay in a relationship with this immature person. If you are only dating or engaged to a woman like this, there is still time to cut your losses. Yet, if you are married to a woman like this, you will need to find ways to manage each situation as it comes up.

 

Be honest with her at all times (otherwise you will be accused of acting immature,) share your feelings, and whatever you do, don't back down because she has a crying spell or a temper tantrum. Just like a child, she uses her emotional outbursts to control you in order to get you to back down.

Be clear as to what your boundaries are and how you expect to be treated from now on or there is no future with you. Ask her what she wants from this relationship and whether she is willing to go the distance. Find out what she is willing to do to "Grow up!"

 

By Nicholl McGuire

 

You can find more articles like this at http://tipsdatingoldermen.blogspot.com Practical advice for both the older man dating a younger woman and vice versa.
 

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12 Things You Can Do to Have a Friendship That Stands the Test of Time

Good friends like good men are hard to find. There are seasonal friends, the kind that come into your life for a season. They are there for the transition in jobs, the relationship that goes sour, the project that needs to be completed, or the new job you started. Yet, they may leave your life, because their services are no longer needed or you can no longer benefit them. But good friends, they are the ones that are there for you through all seasons. They not only will call you on the phone, take you out in good times and in bad, but send you money whether you asked for it or not, offer to help you even if you insist they don’t and so much more! Good friends usually outlast marriages, are there through the death of loved ones, and support you even when your own family won’t. So what do you have to do to have a friendship that stands the test of time?

One. Take the time to communicate.

So many valuable friendships are lost because people get to busy in their lives to write a letter, an email, make a phone call or commit to a lunch date. Just as communication is important in a marriage, it is just as important in a good friendship. How can you call someone a good friend when you don’t communicate? Conversation was never meant to be a 250 page manual of tips. Most friends just want to know the significant details of your life and the latest happenings such as: your well being, the condition of your family, what projects or affiliations are you involved, and when will you be back in the neighborhood? Periodic communication is essential to a long lasting friendship. It doesn’t matter how many months or years, most likely you will pick up where you left off anyway.

Two. Be sincere, act like you care and ask questions.

One of my personal pet peeves I have with people, who call themselves friends, is the one-sided conversation. They ask you many questions about your life, but you get little if nothing in return from them. The other issues I have is the complete opposite, I ask them questions about what is going in their lives and they are barely interested in asking me any questions about mine. Good friends know the balance in conversing with one another. I ask you something, you answer. You ask me something I answer and so forth. A person who doesn’t know you very well will either hog the conversation—as if you aren’t there or barely say anything – as if you are talking to a wall.

Three. Be a good listener.

Good friends listen well. So well in fact that they know how to read into parts of the conversation that spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e! They will follow up with the popular question, “What’s really wrong?” They will let you talk forever when you really need someone to listen without interrupting you every few seconds telling you what you need to do.

Four. Know when to offer advice.

Sometimes there will be those times when your friend isn’t going to ask for your advice and you may have to keep quiet, but many times friends will ask one another what they think about one thing or another. The best way to give advice is in a form of a question that makes them answer their own dilemma such as, “Well you know in the past you did XYZ and did that work? Why not try doing ABC instead?” This way you have given them a choice and it’s up to them to make a decision, rather than telling them, “You should…You need…”

Five. Allow for space in your friendship.

There are those friends who call or stop by far too often. They wear out their welcome, so to speak. A good friend doesn’t have to be a needy friend, controlling, or a push-over. He or she can still be a friend without showing up uninvited, calling often and expecting a returned call promptly, and obligating you to put her down in your appointment book almost daily.

Six. Remember important holidays.

You know when you have a good friend when he or she can remember birthdays and other significant events better than you can. They will send you that unexpected card, make a phone call, or send a gift. These are wonderful gestures that are remembered for a lifetime.

Seven. Be helpful.

Great friends don’t need to be persuaded or given anything to be there for a friend. A friend will see a problem and offer to help without you having to ask or beg for assistance. Some people you have to offer to pay them to help you (this includes your own family) and others won’t let you forget what they have done either. There are those friends who will make you feel obligated to do something for them whenever they need something in the future all because you asked them to help you once when you needed them.

Eight. Acknowledge a loss.

Whether it is a pet or a relative, a good friend will be sympathetic to your loss. Some people demonstrate poor listening skills or don’t act as if they are empathetic when they jump right in with a story of their own without bothering to listen to your full story. They will say things such as, “I went through that too, and you know what I did…He isn’t worth crying for…You know Jesus will fix it.” The last thing you want to hear about is Jesus when you are grieving your loved one! People aren’t very careful about how and when to say something that could have been encouraging but came off sounding wrong.

Nine. Be supportive.

There is nothing like a good friend who supports you even when you are wrong or right. They won’t embarrass you in front of others, belittle you, or even puff you up. Instead, they know how to balance criticism with praise. They will support you even when no one else will.

Ten. Keep past memories alive.

Sometimes when life gets the best of you, a good friend will reflect on the funny, wild days of the past. They remind you of how far you have come in life and they encourage you to do something great to create new memories.

Eleven. Never forget your friend for important events.

One of the worst mistakes old friends make is to forget about one another for special occasions in life. Even if a friend says he or she is busy, overwhelmed with responsibility, or have a financial hardship, never assume that he or she won’t be able to make an important event in your life, so you don’t bother to mention it.

Twelve. Avoid the temptation to take what isn’t yours.

Once good friends end up being arch enemies, because they covet things in their friend’s life they shouldn’t. Worse, they allow their selfish desires to override the friendship and ultimately kill it. Have enough self-esteem and confidence within you, so that you aren’t taking what isn’t yours and if the temptation is too bad, distance yourself, maybe limit your friendship to the phone. It is better to leave a relationship with your reputation intact, than not.

This is just a short list of a host of things you can do to build a quality friendship that lasts a lifetime. If you sincerely desire a quality friendship, utilize these tips, your friends will be glad you did!

By Nicholl McGuire

Thinking About Living with Someone? Consider these 7 Tips Before You Do

You may be considering on living with someone, but you don’t quite know everything you want to ask this person before you move in with him or her. There are some very important things you may want to discuss with your future roommate to avoid possible problems.

One. Money.

If you were told that the rent would be split in half each month upon move in or some other arrangement had been made, then you may want to get anything said in writing. You can do this simply by texting or sending an email asking that your roommate just confirm the agreement. For example, you may say something like, “So when we spoke last time about rent, I wanted to be sure you said that you would be paying me… or I would be paying you…” This is an informal way to get your arrangement in writing, but it would be best to get a formal agreement with both parties’ signatures present on the document. You will also include other things that you are expected to pay as well. Some people will even have their documents notarized by a third party.

Two. Work schedule.

Some people work late while others leave before the birds awake. This is important to know because you may be a late night owl or early riser and the last thing you want to do is annoy your roommate.

Three. Habits.

Everyone has those things they do that are fun for them, but boring for others. Sometimes these habits may be noisy. Whatever the habits, find out from your roommate what he or she enjoys and try to work something out in your schedules that won’t cause a disturbance to the other.

Four. Family and friends.

A roommate may want them to come over to the place that the two of you share. If this is the case, you will want to define what rooms are off limits and if you both share the grocery bill and other items, be sure that your roommate advises his or her guests not to help themselves to what’s in the kitchen, on a desk, a countertop or in a drawer.

Five. Cleanliness.

Not everyone believes that cleanliness is the next thing to godliness, so if you or your roommate isn’t big on cleaning, then you will need to know how might chores be shared and when are you expected to do your part.

Six. Unexpected pregnancy, illness or family emergency.

These things may happen especially if your roommate is also your lover. What if the girlfriend becomes pregnant? What might happen if your roommate becomes ill? What if a family emergency causes a relative to show up at your doorstep? What if your roommate has to tend to family emergency and doesn’t have the rent money? Be sure that you have a savings plan for those unexpected, unanticipated occurrences.

Seven. Exs and children of previous relationships.

Some people don’t know what kind of problems they are inheriting when they decide to live with someone. Unresolved conflicts from the past creep up out of nowhere! There is the exs that come over without calling first or phone calls from children wanting “to see my daddy…where is my mommy?” In addition to this, your roommate may be short of cash because he or she continues to help out an ex financially and also pays child support. Know what kind of challenges your roommate is up against and whether he or she has those issues under control before you move in.

Now that you have some things to think about, take the time to discuss each issue with your roommate. Whatever you can get in writing, do it. You may also need to take photos of anything that was damaged, before you moved in as well. It’s unfortunate, but if you should ever have to go to court, you will have some proof of the agreed upon household contribution.

To save yourself from future credit problems, avoid sharing a bank account or opening one for your roommate. Avoid the temptation to let your roommate use your credit or debit cards. Change your pin numbers in case he or she has used your cards in the past. Do not put utilities or cable in your name unless you can afford to pay them. Also, refrain from co-signing on loans of any kind. Keep your tax information, savings and investment statements, and family financial business to yourself. All of this information may be used against you one day or if this person becomes angry with you may try to use it against you and/or your family.

You may trust your future roommate with your first born, love this person immensely, and may even die for him or her, but love can blind the most good-hearted of people. Guard your heart while keeping your eyes wide open.

By Nicholl McGuire

How to Know Whether He is Serious about Marriage

He may have officially proposed to you or gave you a promise ring. You may have talked to him about marriage and he may have seemed very interested until you had a first, second, third or more argument. Then things changed, they changed so much that you are now considering a break up. What did you fail to see during those “I’m so in love” days? What promises did he tell you that made you want to stay with him despite having second-thoughts? What promises did he break to make you want to leave?

 

Men will typically make promises early in the relationship because that is their sale pitch to keep you interested. “If I say and do all the right things,” he thinks. “Then maybe she won’t be interested in anyone else but me.” So he does everything right and wins you over. In time, things gradually go downhill for no particular reason it just happens in many relationships, but it does pick back up again when you are working at it. Now you may still be interested in him, but he doesn’t seem interested in you at all. What was it that you could have paid closer attention to early on during the dating phase that would have kept you from feeling this way now? The following are signs that don’t get noticed by some women, at least early on in the relationship, concerning his promise to get married, buy a house, travel, have children, etc.

 

Promise Ring not Engagement Ring

 

He promised to marry you, but he couldn’t answer any specific questions such as “When would you like to get married? Who do you think we should tell?” He couldn’t answer those questions at the time, because he wasn’t serious about marriage just serious about seeing you exclusively for a time.

 

Faults

 

When you approach him with the promises he made to you from wanting to take you places to buying a house on the east coast, he becomes aggravated suddenly it’s your fault. He then turns the conversation on you “if you didn’t do this or say that maybe I would marry you, but with you acting this way, you think I would?” He makes up excuses about not having enough money, enough time, enough this or that. Meanwhile, you are left feeling like you should have never said anything to him.

One mistake women make when a man tries to make them feel guilty for reacting negatively to his lack of initiative is to try to be the good little girl who should be on her best behavior. If she is very good, “Whoopee I get married!” Remember marriage is not as beneficial to you as it is to him. Think of all your mother or some other woman in your family did as compared to the contributions the men made. Nowadays, many women have good jobs, a car, and her own house. They are doing well without a man.

 

Blame

 

The time may have come that you brought up some relationship issues followed by the promises that he made to you during the phase of dating. Rather than him saying, “I know what I said and I will be doing this on such and such date,” he argues telling you that “You want too much too fast!” He blames you for not giving him enough time to handle his affairs. He accuses you of pressuring him.

The problem with this issue of blame is that he is the one who made promises to you and he doesn’t want to be held accountable. He will try to talk around the issues and hope that you will retreat back into your happy self again, but it will be more and more difficult with each passing day. The reason he just isn’t doing what he said he would do and you are growing weary of a man who doesn’t stand by his words.

 

His family

 

You know that he is behaving differently toward you and others around him mainly his family know too. They may act distant or he may act distant toward them because he knows what he told them about you. He may have said that he was going to marry you and help you toward your goals or said some other wonderful things to them about you. But the truth of the matter is he has cold feet and doesn’t know if he wants to keep you around so he creates distance between you and the family.

 

Your family

 

You told your family what he said about marriage, wanting to buy a house, traveling, having children or whatever else that would make you happy. Your family thought that was great, but now they too, notice that he isn’t doing anything that he said he was going to do. You don’t have to tell them too much about your relationship, because they have, if not already, asked you, “What is his intention? How long are you two going to be living together? When do you plan on marrying? How is he helping you mentally, spiritually and financially?” You will either cover up what is really going on, ask the same questions yourself, or cry from all of the stress of not knowing what exactly is going on with him.

 

Sex

 

Generally, men will have sex with you whether they love you or not, so don’t take his sexual interest in you as a sign that he is still in love. Most likely, he may still find you attractive, but that isn’t a sign that he is still interested in marriage. If you are struggling with your own feelings concerning him, then keep your legs closed, your heart protected, and your mind intact by doing other things that will distract you from having sex with him. If he is battling with whether or not he wants to stay in a relationship with you let alone marry you, the sex may decline, but it doesn’t mean it will stop completely on his end.

 

Exs

 

Those former partners can spell trouble if he or his family has not cut them off. They may say something about the ex to you while the ex will bring the old memories they shared together to your man. The ex will apologize profusely for the things they may have said and done in the past hoping to win your man back or restart a sexual relationship with him. If he is still emotionally and physically attached to you he will not succumb to the temptation, but if he has drifted apart he just might in a moment of weakness.

 

Finances

 

Suddenly you notice all sorts of issues come up about money regarding him, chances are he is making a lot of foolish decisions because he is still thinking in terms of self and not thinking family. Notice the car he drives, the new purchases, the way he maintains house, how guarded he is about his possessions, bills, and other personal documents, if he can’t talk to you about any of these things, then he isn’t interested in marriage. To him marriage may mean making sacrifices and giving up things that he is not ready to do. Not only that, he may not like the idea of having to share or spend any more money than necessary, to be single means you don’t have to spend any money on anyone but you. To be married means you have to be generous at times and look out for others, something that may be a challenge for him.

 

Friends

 

He may spend more time with them than you because they remind him of how great single life can be. These friends whisper in his ear, “Don’t get married…don’t get married you will regret it. Look at the men in your family, are they happy?” He may have bought into their negative statements and now he has second thoughts. Why would they want him happy anyway, they aren’t?

 

Employment

 

This is a great strategy for men to use to avoid talking about or acting on their promises. “I’m too tired…I have to work…sorry I can’t do that my job needs me…” The all-important job that he can’t take off days from, that he doesn’t want you to show up at, that is conflicting with any plans to go out on a date is a sure indication that he rather focus on it than on you.

Some men may have lost their job and will definitely use the excuse of not having a job as a reason not to get married. That is a valid reason, but as soon as he is doing well again, acting out on those promises he made to you should be his first priority. There is nothing wrong with a gentle reminder when things are going well for him, but if he overreacts, because you mentioned what he promised you, then take that as a sign that there is no future with him. A man who loves a woman should not be overreacting about marrying her and wanting to share a life with her. Some men get an exciting opportunity in life and will bite the hand that put them there, run, before he leaves or cheats on you!

 

So now that you see he is not behaving like a man who loves you and wants to be with you for the rest of his life, you will have to make a decision to leave him for your own sanity. To stay in a relationship that is full of promises, but no steps are made to fulfill those promises is an added stress and can sometimes cause one to fall into a nervous breakdown. He may continue to tell you that he loves you, but his actions may say otherwise. If you are tired of the wishing, hoping, waiting, and “I don’t know what’s going on” relationship roller coaster ride, then get off and learn from this relationship that you are a woman of action and you need a man of action to complete you.

 

You will find that in your next relationship you won’t have to worry over the foundation that you and your new man have created together, because from the very start he will tell you he wants to marry you and then surprise, out comes an engagement ring! Next, he will not object about a marriage date or make excuses about not being ready, he will just do it. Third, he will not stop you from planning the marriage; instead, he will be proactive asking you, “Now how much money do you need for the wedding?” Lastly, his family will react to you positively because he will have conversed with them about how much you mean to him and they will respect you. If you don’t have any support from him (and he is the one that made the promises) and none from those around him, then you know that this guy is not for you.

 

So be careful and observe these men who throw around words like, “Promise Ring,” “Engagement Ring,” “Marriage,” “I want to marry you one day,” “Let’s look at rings.” Let their actions speak louder than their words.

 

By Nicholl McGuire

Are you making vows to God?

 

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