Why You Don't Want to Grow to Hate an Ex or Current Partner

I know you want to hate him or her for everything this person ever did to you.  The pain within is terrible, forgiveness isn't even a topic of discussion, and if something bad were to happen to him or her, you don't believe you would shed one tear. 

When the heart is this heavy, you have to pause, take a breath, and think about how you are feeling for a moment.  Before you say yet another bad word about your partner or ex, think about the negative energy you have been putting out into the atmosphere up to this point.  Notice how mean-spiritedness has been traveling within and around you lately.  From mood swings to people acting ugly toward you for no apparent reason.  Evil doesn't just stop on the one you are growing to hate, but it has a way of coming back on the sender.

One day, I thought deeply about an abusive man who hurt me physically not just once, twice, but many times between "I love you" and promises he wouldn't do it again.  I eventually got out of that relationship only to get into an emotionally abusive one.  The individual thought that cheating was okay just so long as he didn't get caught and disagreeing with him about anything was a cardinal sin.  I started feeling very hateful toward them both and wished the worst for these people. 

I will tell you there is power in hating someone, but what people who do this don't tell you is that the negative energy has a way of eating you up inside over time.  You begin to see some things in your eyes that wasn't there before.  You find yourself walking around with a void in your spirit that needs to be filled.  You resent other people's happiness and sometimes wish ugly things about them.  Overall, you allow the poison that someone dripped on you to seep out and drip onto others.

It was a process for me to recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships.  I was disappointed to see just how much I had been played by individuals who had a long line of people who came before me who also hated them once.  Although we all started out liking and loving one another, over time we just couldn't keep the act up.  There really wasn't much love, but infatuation would be the better word to describe the rush to want to be connected physically, to get married, to have children, to move in together, etc.

So I write this blog entry to warn some of you, who really wish ugly on your mates or former partners, that it just isn't worth it.  Your life will be impacted in so many ways usually for what appears to be the better, but in time ends up being worse in some ways.  Sooner or later, you will have to pay the piper (the evil one), so to speak.  That one who did your bidding will want to be paid and the cost just might be your soul.  Keep in mind, one doesn't have to participate in black magic, evoke spirits, chant, or do anything to create dark energy that works on his or her behalf, simply thinking ugly and doing ugly things is all it takes to welcome it. 

A few things you might want to start doing to turn those hateful emotions into positive ones would be:

1.  Take care of yourself.  Focus on who you are, what you want, and what will make you happy if you were to die tomorrow.  For example, exercise, take classes, join an emotionally healthy support group, travel, and more will keep your mind on you!

2.  Disconnect from those people, places and things that keep reminding you about all that is wrong with the person you are with as well as that one you use to be with.  I know that for some people they may not want to do this, because those people were good listeners and guided you through difficult times, but oftentimes those who are willing to keep the negativity going, have their share of demons they are grappling with and their issues just might become your issues.

3.  Stay true to who you are and don't let any man, woman or child take that away from you!  When you give your best self to others and do all you can to make them happy, you lose your identity in the process and eventually become who they want you to be.  I gave up my ideas and dreams to invest in someone else's, now I am living a dream that was once his--I guess I won when I got wise enough to see my dream unfolding through my suffering!

4.  Avoid the argument.  No matter what the personality type/disorder is, you aren't going to come out ahead if you find yourself yelling about the past with someone who is destined to be your past!  My question to you is, "So what about the present?  Is this person really going to do anything different?  Can you envision yourself happy without this person?  If so, start walking in that happiness!"

As much as we frown at advice that says, "Love your enemies," know this, the kind of love mentioned in the Holy Bible comes from a holy God and if you ain't following Him, then his precepts do not apply.  Enjoy your life!

Nicholl McGuire also maintains Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Tips Dating Older Men, Younger Women


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