Then one day, the couple is hit with the reality of disagreements, insults, anger outbursts and illness; it is then that the barrage of incredible love and lust begins to take a downward turn. Now one is reflecting back on the mistakes he or she made early on in the relationship. "Is it too late to set boundaries? Is it too soon to end the relationship? Is my partner experiencing what I am feeling?"
The questions abound in one’s mind disappointed at how soon these rising feelings came crashing down. Doubts keep him or her up late at night sometimes wondering what went wrong? Here are some thoughts on what could have went wrong during those early days of lust and bliss.
One. You didn’t allow yourself enough time to get to know one another outside the bedroom. Why is it that couples always find themselves in the bed sooner than they would have liked? Maybe the word of advice should have been heeded, "Don’t begin dating when you are obviously in heat."
Two. You tried too hard to be something you weren’t, such as appearing to have common interests that you really didn’t have or putting yourself out there to be challenged later on what you said and did. People attempting to make a good impression on one another tend to exaggerate, lie, or mislead one another and sooner or later the truth catcjes up to them.
Three. You shared money and bought gifts with finances you did or didn’t have far too soon before you got to know the person. When this is done, the giver later becomes resentful of the receiver. The ever popular argument seems to come out of nowhere, "Look at all I've done for you?" No one put a gun to your head and told you to do those things. You let your guard down. Blame yourself, not your partner.
Four. You didn’t bother to ask questions about issues that may have been significant to you such as politics, religion, sexual past, employment history, childhood experiences, etc. You went along just to get along whe you should have said, "I'm not interested...I don't care for. Please don't expect me to support you on that."
Five. You avoided telling your partner how you really felt when it came to disagreements. "I would appreciate it if you don't call me names or act rudely when we debate. Handling me aggressively is a deal-breaker."
Six. You compromised in areas that you shouldn’t have such as drinking when maybe you rather not or fornicating when you know you shouldn’t. "Some things I just won't do because they go against my personal beliefs."
Seven. You ignored signs that maybe this was not the right time in your life to be dating. "I would rather be friends than lovers simply because this is just not a good time for me."
Eight. You chose to proceed in a new relationship without giving yourself enough time to get over the old and resolve past issues. "I just got out of a relationship with someone, so I really think it is best that we just be friends without benefits. I'm sure you don't want to deal with the emotional baggage I just might bring to the table, because the wounds are still fresh."
When you have may relationship problems now, you can always reflect on the past to find out how you went from there to here. However, simply knowing about the challenges, but doing nothing about them will not make your issues go away. If you want to maintain a relationship that is filled with problems, you and your partner must be willing to work on trying to come up with solutions.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.