Friday

When the Ex Says He Still Misses, Loves You

The conversation is going well.  Feelings are warm and before long comments about still liking or loving you begin to surface.  For some of you, you don't know what to do when an ex does this.  Others grow cold and rush to end the conversation.  Then there are others who welcome to the chat and are struggling with all sorts of emotions. 


You really didn't want to hear how an ex feels, and you think, "If he loved me so much he would have never..."  So what do you do?  Some things to think about when talking to exes who miss or still love you.


1.  Always best not to respond.  You say something it might come out wrong especially if you are in a relationship with someone else.  Keep in mind feels of nostalgia, those good ole day moments, are temporal.  Back to reality, remind yourself, "He is a liar, he cheated...he is boring, a jerk...I couldn't wait to get away from him, so why would I even think about a future with him?"


2.  He hopes you will share how you feel, don't do it.  For some men, they aren't interested in a relationship, they just want to feel wanted at least for the time-being and if they can get some sex, they will try hopefully with no strings attached.  A wounded ego drives a man that may have had a hard day with a woman he is dating or currently married to, so an exe that can make him feel good with her voice, body or kind words is a nice stroke to his self-esteem.


3.  Don't open the door and he won't be able to walk in.  If you welcome an ex or any man's charm into your life, then his body is sure to follow.  Stop caring so much about him, being inviting and desiring his affection, and offering your thoughts and body to the ex.  How are you going to move on with your life when you play mind games with yourself and him?  Many women break up with men for good reasons, but then forget when they too become lonely, sexually frustrated, or need some kind of help.  It is never too late to stop those friendly conversations, touching, and visiting with the ex.  Do it before you get hurt again!


4.  He will promise never to hurt you again if you just give him one more chance.  An ex will claim a lot of things when you are on his mind and things aren't going so well for him in his life.  Don't believe the hype!  Once the "I'm missing you" feelings fade away, it will be back to what drove you two apart in the first place.  Jog your memory again.  Think about the bad times.


Here are some things to do to stay out of a lonely, miserable ex's trap:


1.  Shut your trap!  That means your mouth and your you know what!
2.  Avoid reminiscing about those good times.
3.  Don't answer questions about feelings or respond to comments about how you make him feel.
4.  Don't provide personal details about your current life especially involving a new mate.
5.  Your ex might share some things about his life to entice you to say something.  Remember he knows some aspects about your personality and he will try to trigger emotions like: jealousy, sexual desire, need, hope, love, and more.  End the conversation, "Well, I got to go...nice talking...Take care."
6.  Shorten your time with him over the phone or in-person.  Also, keep in mind you never know who is watching or listening, so if you don't want rumors started, avoid long discussions with an ex.
7.  When children are involved, contact them not him.  Ask to speak to them.  If need be, get them a cell phone so that you can call them directly.  If he starts talking to you, remain quiet include a few "oh, huh, yes...wow...", and then go back to your request to speak to children.  If you need to know certain things about your son or daughter, stick to the topic at hand.  He knows that is what you are aiming to do so he just might say some things to anger you just to keep you on the phone longer or in his presence.  Don't fall for it!  Always have something to do.  "Well, thanks so much for letting me speak to the kids...I have a lot to do, so I'm going to have to go...bye."


As tempting as it might be to talk to an ex about mutual friends, family and other people you know and common interests, avoid the discussion.  Also, consider that one day a partner will share how he or she feels uncomfortable with how you communicate with an ex.  You can be friendly about matters related to children or business, but anything outside of that will result in future conflict.  If you still want a relationship with an ex, none of this applies.  Just remember why you two broke up and let that be the determining factor on whether you should reconnect with him or let him go for good.


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
 

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She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
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