20 Tips on the Healthy Way to Break Up by Author of “Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues”
Ending a relationship can be difficult, but it's often the best decision for both people involved. If you're thinking about breaking up with someone, here are valuable tips to keep in mind.
1. Make sure that you are certain that breaking up is what you want to do.
Too many people disconnect from their partners prematurely and often live a lifetime of regrets. So be sure you are certain that the time is right.
2. Talk to the person about your concerns and problems in the relationship.
Whether the person handles the discussion peacefully or loses it, their reactions to the news should not keep you in a relationship you no longer want. If you are concerned about your well-being, break up in a public place. Reach out to law enforcement if you feel threatened and notify family members, friends and security at your workplace. Install security cameras and be sure to change passwords on all your devices, email and anything else you suggest they may have access to. Also, if you have any joint assets, update all of them removing his or her name from the accounts.
3. Be honest with the person about your feelings and why you want to break up.
Often times when couples start the process of breaking up that are not open and honest about feelings which leads to the possibility of one or both thinking that there is still hope. If your intention is to make a clean break, you must be clear that you no longer want to date, have sex, or be in a committed relationship with him or her.
4. Avoid being confrontational or argumentative when discussing the breakup.
Although he or she may act angrily as you make your exit, it is up to you to remain in control at all times. Feelings of rejection can turn into a police or court matter very quickly. So, it is important not to provoke the person you are breaking up with by flaunting a new someone around them or telling your ex-partner things to tempt him or her to want to hurt you. If the ex chooses to act vengeful and you retaliate, your actions will be held under scrutiny in court causing problems for you.
5. Try to break up in a location where the person will feel comfortable and safe.
With plenty of witnesses around, your ex will less likely do things to harm you for fear of someone seeing and he or she ending up in jail.
6. Allow the person to express their feelings and do not interrupt them.
You are breaking up with he or she and even though you no longer want to stay connected with them, act respectfully and listen to what he or she is saying. This person may exaggerate, tell lies, or recall events inaccurately, keep in mind that you won’t be needing to deal with him or her on a regular basis anymore especially if you don’t have children with him or her. However, if you do, you can always use a third party to pick up and drop off children avoiding one-on-one in-person meetings with him or her.
7. Do not make any promises about staying friends or continuing to communicate after the breakup.
When people do this, they only string things along and give former partners false hope, so don’t do it! Also, if you should move on in a new relationship, your new partner will not feel comfortable knowing that you still have feelings and have led your ex into believing that you are still considering starting over with him or her.
8. Be prepared for the person’s family and friends to react negatively to the news.
Sometimes loved ones when act disrespectful and plot revenge, so if you know he or she has a few too many people around him or her that will not hesitate to stalk, harass or make your life a living hell, it would be best to leave town, disconnect from them on social media, unplug from technology for a while, and maybe change your name.
9. Let the person know that you still care about them and wish them well in the future.
You could do this without sounding like you still want to be in a relationship. It is all in how you say it, but don’t add anything more to it. Yes, you care, but not in the way that they may think. So it’s just a simple, flat statement. However, if you have tears in your eyes and you have a long mantra followed by many “I love yous” then it’s safe to say that you need to stick it out. Breaking up is not for you!
10. Do not change your mind after breaking up with the person, even if they plead with you to stay together.
The wishy-washy behavior is why so many have ended up in jail or worse in their graves prematurely! No matter how much they beg, plead, or grab you around your ankles, no matter what, stand your ground. If you must practice what you say and your reaction and watch visuals of people crying or acting hateful to prepare yourself for the meeting, do what you must so that you don’t fall weak.
11. Do not discuss or try to work out any of the issues that led to the breakup.
When you start talking in this way, you are sending a message, you want to remain in the relationship.
12. Delete all pictures and posts of the two of you on social media platforms immediately after breaking up with them (or at least unfriend/unfollow them).
Don’t send mixed signals! Start deleting today! The sooner you show that you are no longer in like or love with this person, the better!
13. Resist the urge to talk badly about or gossip about the person after breaking up with them – it will only make things worse for both of you in the long run!
It will be tempting to, but don’t. A person you date in the future will look at what you’re doing as a red flag. If you talk about your ex in a mean-spirited way, then he or she will only imagine just how nasty you are and why the relationship never worked out.
14. If possible, try to end things in a mature and respectful way – no one wants to remember their break-up as an ugly, messy mess!
As mentioned before, remain calm and try not to do anything that can be misconstrued as emotional and/or physical abuse. Therefore, once again, it is important to end the relationship in public view.
15. Do not stalk or harass the person after breaking up with them – this will only make things worse for both of you!
If you are breaking up, why would you be concerned about who he or she is dating? It’s over so let go. If you think it Is hard to cope with the breakup, seek professional counseling and do not mention that is what you are doing to an ex. He or she will be critical especially if he or she is controlling.
16. Take some time for yourself after breaking up – this will help you come to terms with what has happened and start moving on emotionally.
It’s always better to be single after a relationship so that you can reconnect with yourself. Make a doctor’s appointment for your annual checkup, take a vacation, meditate, fellowship with people of faith and ask for prayer, and reconnect with relatives and friends you may not have seen in a longtime due to your miserable connection.
17. Give yourself some time before jumping into another relationship – this will help ensure that you don’t get too emotionally attached too soon!
It will be tempting to want to date again but avoid the temporal feel-good feelings. Spend time learning what healthy relationships are and what you need to be a better partner in the future. As much as you may want to believe, it was all that person’s fault as to why the relationship fell apart, you had your flaws too and neither of you could properly work on the relationship effectively. Everyone still needs some growing to do when handling one another with care!
18. If possible, try to maintain a civil relationship with the person after breaking up – this can be difficult, but it will be worth it in the long run!
This is necessary if you have children together, a business relationship or something else. However, if you don’t have any connection to this person, move on. If you should see this person in the future, keep your personal business to yourself and treat him or her like you would if you were speaking to someone in customer service.
19. Remember that there is no “right” way to break up with someone – just do what feels best for both of you!
If you are a person of faith, you would pray about when and how to break up with him or her. You would ask for guidance on what words to say and implement the advice provided. Yet, if you are not one of faith and just simply want to end this relationship for good, then do what you can by following the tips. If you have negative feelings about the person’s reaction and responses, have someone or security nearby who serves as a witness.
20. Finally, be aware that breaking up can be a very painful experience for both parties involved – do your best to be understanding and supportive during this time!
Avoid involving emotional people in your process to break up and heal from the experience. Toxic people only add fuel to the fire and sometimes they are part of the reason why relationships don’t work. Negative advice, gossip, lies, and more do nothing but derail all efforts in finding love. Consider who you keep close to you and create distance.
Nicholl McGuire loves writing about all things related to relationships. Her book Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues is available on Amazon. She is the owner and contributor of this blog as well as many others about family, parenting, home organizing, writing, shopping and more. Feel free to stop by her blog here.