Manipulative Men Create Themselves to be Everything You Ever Wanted

He said all the right things based on what he had already learned about me.

He promised me that we would go to fun places and see cool things.

He told me that he loved me and how stupid the last man was for letting me go.

He bought me everything I ever wanted.

He seemed like he really wanted to know me, he asked me lots of questions.

All of what I mentioned above was what I remembered during the dating phase with various men.  They were nice-looking, charming, but all had dark sides.  They took the time to get to know me because "I was different...pretty, smart...liked my smile."  Oh yea, the smile.  They all found my smile very attractive.  But I wasn't sold much on their looks, it was their voices.  I was lured by the tone of their voices and what they promised.

Back then, in my 20s.  Now in my forties.  I know now when a man is attempting to make himself into something I would desire even though I am married and they know it.  They still try.  One tried to play down his habits, the kind he knew I didn't have.  Another individual tried to hide his seeing different women, what did I care?  I am married.  Other men asked me personal questions and then used my answers to paint the perfect picture.  Hmm.  I recognized them, they were a lot like me!  lol  Thanks for flattering me by copying my interests and even dressing professional like me.

Looking back on my younger self, I didn't connect the dots.  I just wanted to believe that those men were everything I ever wanted.  But the truth was, they were ignorant when it came to dating, mating, and showing women love.  Their game plan was always to act like the man of her dreams.  They failed at keeping the act going.  Sooner or later I was going to purposely say or do something to shatter their fake personas!

If I could do my dating life all over again, I would have kept those men in the friend zone.  They were not ready for any relationship and neither was I.  I would have enjoyed simply going out with them without a single touch.  I would have loved to receive typewritten messages from them back then had cell phones existed (lol) instead of meeting up with a couple of them.  I would have simply treated them like so many high school boys I knew, friends without benefits--just cool people to talk or hang out with.

Now I am older and I shudder at the thought of being single in the future.  Dating (sigh).  Marriages end either in divorce or death so dating again just might be something I do.  Someone somewhere will want to go out on a date.  He could be a great guy or a mean manipulator either way he is going to put on an act and I will have to be the one to break his false front.  If you should suspect that someone isn't quite right that you are dating, believe it!  Don't try to be something you are not to appease him.  You have lived in your body for quite a long time, so be content with being who you are whether a date likes you or not!

If you would like to break the "charming" act and find out whether a man is genuinely nice, considerate, patient, caring, etc. consider the following tips.  They just might save you from a future of misery.

1)  Ask questions that are uncomfortable after a few dates such as:  what did he use on his hair to make it stay that way or where did he find those pants...?  Watch his facial expressions.

2)  Joke about something like him tripping or a spill he made.  Notice his response.

3)  Go somewhere where there is a long line and/or travel with him on a busy highway known for slow-moving traffic.  Notice his behavior.

4)  Cancel a date and listen to how he responds.

5)  Find a place you enjoy and see if he is willing to go along with you or change your mind.

6)  Pay attention to whether he respects your space or privacy.  Does he show up unannounced or attempts to persuade you to stop whatever you are doing or cancel your plans so that he can come for a visit?

7)  Listen for any conversation that reveals personal details about himself without trying to get information from you.  Does he share much about himself or answers your questions thoroughly?

A manipulator is not going to be able to keep up an act especially one of patience, kindness, generosity, and more when he is negatively triggered from traffic, rejection, personal questions, and jokes.  His ugly self is sure to show up.  Emotionally abusive and controlling manipulators will use name-calling, ignoring, tears, and/or the silent treatment to get you to behave yourself.  Physically abusive manipulators oftentimes will handle you aggressively: push, grab, pull, spit, kick, punch, and choke.  All the while, you will be thinking whatever happened to that nice gentleman I once knew.

Nicholl McGuire