On Settling with Someone Who You Are Incompatible -- Don’t!

The regrets one experiences when he or she decides to have a serious relationship with someone who you later realize you should have never committed to or worse met can be upsetting.  Your personal and professional goals may be impacted so much that you no longer bother to work to achieve them.

In a turbulent relationship, you work harder than most to communicate, meet your partner’s needs, and more while fighting often.  You or your mate may be exhibiting signs at times that you no longer care or want to be in a relationship with one another.  When this occurs, thoughts of cheating or actually seeking out someone to have sex with may happen. 

You have mental and bodily anguish that at times is unexplainable--even leaving doctors scratching their heads.  When your health woes subside and you and your partner are not disagreeing as often, you attempt to be positive, but emotions and behaviors simply don’t last for long.  Again, you suffer through the relationship like watching a movie you hate all over again where you can’t change the channel.

Future upset with this person becomes more than you can bear and you find yourself latching out at him or her over the littlest of things.  “Why am I still in this mess?” is one question of many that you ask yourself.  You recognize similar negative feelings that you experienced with the last person you broke up with, “I really don’t like this person.  I wish he or she would take a hint and be gone!”

The more you try to come up with some peace of mind about your situation while trying to connect with a partner that obviously is not compatible with you, you grow increasingly weary, frustrated and even depressed while asking yourself yet again, “Why, oh why do I stay?”

The key is not to settle, but to re-evaluate what you want out of your life.  You no longer think in terms of “we,” but “me.”  You find solace when you turn your eyes away from a relationship that is no longer serving you mentally, physically and spiritually.  You make plans to live, work and play without need of your partner.  You seek out many hours of alone time to gain some understanding as to why you settled in the first place and you assure yourself that it will not happen again.  You will not compromise your boundaries or settle with someone who you know full well doesn’t enjoy your company, conversation, hobbies, or future interests.  Rather, you bid that one fair well and move on. 

People settle in miserable relationships for so many reasons including: not ever establishing a life of their own, children, money, opportunity, and shared assets that neither party is willing to give up.  However, just because others have done these things and seem to be coping or getting along well every now and again from the outside looking in, doesn’t mean they are truly content.  Know what you want and go after it and leave the past behind!

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues    


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