First, what does it mean to give your “power” away more specifically your “sexual power”? In all of us we are comprised of mind, body, and spirit. When we agree to have sex with someone who may not be someone that is right for us, we are giving various parts of who we are mentally, physically, spiritually (and when moving in together) materially. We falsely assume we will receive something in return for all the energy we have vested into the relationship. Unfortunately, for many of us we have given so much energy, feelings, thoughts, ideas, belongings, and other things away when we lay down with someone. Having sex makes us vulnerable and when we are engaging in it with the right someone we are mentally and physically charged just like powering up a battery for a car, toy or some electronic device once it’s going the object will do what it was created to do.
When we are powered up spiritually, we will do what we are supposed to do, people who don’t understand things from a spiritual level never seem to be charged up for the long haul, they run a sprint, but when they need to run for miles they give out and never make the finish line (ie. divorce, adultery, separation, abuse, etc.) Rather, they are always mentally and physically “tired.” Here are some examples of what these spiritually draining sexual beings will say, “I’m tired of sex this way…I’m tired of empty sex…I’m tired of sex with her…I’m tired of having to wait for sex…I’m tired of you asking me for sex…I’m tired of worrying over whether he is having sex with someone else.” Sex does sap your physical energy, but it doesn’t have to take away from everything else too!
Now while we are thinking consciously about sex, we are also thinking about it subconsciously and this is when we tend to make the most mistakes. We allow our subconscious mind to fantasize about the “use to” and the “hope to” rather than face the facts that the conscious mind gives us like “I know she isn’t always a nice person so she could just be acting this way because she misses sex with me…and I need more than just sex from him and I hope he realizes that.” If the subconscious mind says, “We are having sex…”and the conscious mind says “We are not, I rather wait” then that is when we get into trouble for sending “mixed messages” to others.
Let’s meet Sam, known for being a player in the neighborhood. He use to be an attractive, fit young man, but the years have taken their toll on old Sam and now he looks like he is a year or two from the grave. When you listen to Sam talk about his past, he brags about the many sexual escapades he had and how he “use to do… use to have…use to look like…”
Notice how often washed-up Sammy mentions “use to” in his conversations. The reason why he does this is because his past and his present is pitiful and to make him feel better about himself in the presence of most likely nice-looking you he will brag about the past. In fact, Sammy didn’t know how powerful he could have been back in his day if he allowed his spirit to override his flesh. Meaning that if he had a bit of self-control and wasn’t so anxious to see the next hot body naked, he probably would have had and kept a “good” woman that would have slowed old Sammy’s prematurely aging body.
Sam is what some would call an “old fool,” simply because he never bothered to sit down and create a plan for his life and actually live it out. Instead, as “the feeling” moved him he went with it. If the feeling was warm he would act on impulse, cold he would open up his black book to find someone to make him warm again. The problem was that everything in his life was affected by his sexual encounters. When he slept with a woman she would later ask for a commitment, he would make her feel like she was the one and then when another came along he would tell her the same.
Eventually, one of the two women would get smart to his game and unfortunately poor Sam has a few nasty scars on his body as a result of his cheating ways. Not only that his children aren’t in his life, friendships were broken, money was long spent, precious family heirlooms stolen due to Sammy’s obsession with sex and the few minutes of pleasure it gave him until the woman, game or both grew old then he had to find something else to fulfill him such as drugs, gambling, and alcohol. If Sam would have told the young men he was supposed to be mentoring the truth, he would say, “I messed up my life. I let the “little man” dictate major life decisions. Now I am old with no wife and no children who bother with me. I wish I knew my children and they knew me, but I messed up and I don’t want you to do the same.” But as mentioned before, Sammy is a player and those who aren’t about to get their player card revoked by the young players in the game will not admit their faults in life – for they have too much pride.
Now, women can’t be left out of this article. There are those Jezebels out there who think that all they have to do is decorate their selves up like a Christmas tree and life will be happy ever after. The truth is that often Jezebel is mentally and physically abused because of one thing, she like Sam, performed sexually without a “real” commitment and we aren’t talking about promise rings, engagement rings that rest on fingers for years, or a wedding date that gets postponed every time there is a challenge that comes up in the relationship. She justifies her mistake with, “Well I didn’t want to get married anyway.” The truth is that somewhere down deep in every man and woman’s spirit is the word “commitment,” because if it wasn’t why do we experience that envious feeling that comes over us when our partner says, “I am going out on a date…” although your “partner” is just “a friend,” “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” or fiancé. Why do you wonder what they are up to, why call them hoping to find out details of where they have been, why say you like or love them, why even care about them if you could care less about a commitment?
So what if you don’t want to be like Sammy or act like Jezebel and you just want to be with a nice woman or man and “try” to live happily ever after, then don’t have sex until you know that you have a date in mind to tell your woman or man, “I love you and I am willing to spend the rest of my life with you this month on this specific date. We can have a wedding later, but a marriage as soon as possible!” Then you go down to the Justice of the Peace and make it happen. Even better, wait for sex which I know from personal experience can be extremely difficult! That’s right wait until he picks you up and drives you to the courthouse, wait until your mom and dad can help you pay for a “real” wedding, wait until he relocates to where you are, wait until your partner accepts God and actually walks the walk and talks the talk, wait until he is off of probation, wait until your children are living with the other parent, but wait! Whatever your wait is, do it! If you are a Christian, you may even say I am waiting on God – good for you! If more people waited at the stoplight until it turned green, there would be less car crashes. Whatever your red light is in your life at this moment, sit there and wait until you have enough signs that show green!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy