5 Wrong Things Selfish People Do to Stay Married
There are many selfish couples who are staying married, and not necessarily living happily married either on the backs of others. So the next time you say "Happy Anniversary," consider what the couple said and did to others over the years to reach their golden marks. Is that possible, use others in deceptive, selfish ways in an effort to stay together? Yes. Keep reading.
This is not something that everyone notices or even realizes until you find yourself in a position where you are the focus of the couple who is having problems (despite you're having nothing to do with their issues). You see, some people will create problems and act as if you had something to do with them because you are there--they need a character to take away from their plot. So if you are the child returning home from college, a friend needing somewhere to live temporarily, or the elderly parent who is down on his or her luck, you can easily become the perfect distraction to keep a couple together whether you participate in their drama or not.
This is why it is best to say nothing to them about their relationship, personal feelings, future plans with a mate, etc. because anything you say or do will be used to help them and hurt you. Get far away from these selfish, devious couples who obviously don't want to take responsibility for their own actions or in-actions in the relationship. It is easier for some couples to look outside the relationship for problems and blame everyone and everything for their own; rather than look one another in the eye and say, "I don't feel the same way about you as I did 20 plus years ago, because I feel you have let yourself go, you are too critical of others, you aren't respectful of me, you don't like to go anywhere...I am starting to ask myself, 'What did I ever see in you?'"
People grow older and change (and not always for good either), relationships get boring, and thoughts of "what have I done with my life" start to show up in odd ways. He dresses differently, she wants to do things she never did before, and the two seem to be drifting apart on a daily basis.
The couple who use to fight to stay together, realizes there is no fight anymore. Jobs are over. Neighbors have moved away. Relatives have long established the fact that they want to be left alone. Children no longer live at home creating dramas of their own. So the fighting couple is now looking to start or join fights elsewhere to keep their relationship alive rather than simply going out on dates, traveling, visiting others--just living life! So what do these troubled couples do to stay married while burdening others?
1. Use other people's relationship issues as attempt to strengthen their own marriage but in negative ways.
Whether they have the facts, details, and so on of what transpired with this couple and that one, the desperate couple looking to stay together is going to use their failures to appear as if their relationship "isn't nearly as bad as their's," and they aren't going to offer much, if any, assistance to help another couple stay together unless they benefit in some way. Pride of one's own relationship gets in the way of common sense and before long the couple is adding to their own bag of trouble. Secretly one or both partners simply aren't very happy with one another, but they use other people's fights to temporarily distract them from this kind of thinking, because "I should be happy...I should love him/her."
2. Permit troubled people to move into their homes for a limited time as a distraction from their own relationship ills.
What better way to get a couple's mind off their own troubled relationship then to invite people into one's home that are worse off than they. Then after the couple has had enough of listening to the roommate's troubles, the wife, husband or both gently or harshly kick the relative or friend out leaving them with little, if any, resources. The common enemy is now gone and back in love is the couple at least for a season. Then they grow weary of one another, so off they go looking for another hurt individual or wounded animal to nurse back to health until the couple has grown weary yet again of their new object of distraction.
3. Find things to do that require, not only the couple to participate, but those around them, so that they can focus on everyone else's weaknesses and correct them while overlooking their own failures.
Some couples know how to get everyone involved in their activities from landscaping to gaming so that they can have yet another "healthy" distraction from one another. A partner isn't giving compliments, acting friendly or caring, but that's okay to the slighted partner, because he or she will find someone or group that will make him or her feel worthy, useful, and overall positive about oneself. Meanwhile, the unsuspecting don't realize that they are being used for a time--that is until the relationship is doing okay again.
4. Create emergencies, distractions, and other things to draw on the unmarried's emotional frailties, so that one or both in the relationship can have someone to lean on--take his or her side.
If a selfish, married couple complains to single friends or those in equally troubled relationships often about one's married life, whether they know it or not they are being discouraging to those who have yet to experience a positive married life. Those friends who are emotionally unstable, weak in relating to others, etc. will be that good friend who will digest all the negativity the couple has to bring, but will be missing out on a married life that they could possibly be very good at living. But those who have been married a long time, don't consider how what they are saying and doing might impact others with or without a partner.
5. Lie or deny any and everything that exposes their mental, physical, or spiritual issues.
If you should approach the couple with what you have learned about their relationship and how they have used you to calm the storms in their lives, they might deny their actions and could use your revelations against you.
In closing, identify this sort of behavior that you or someone else may be doing and don't help this sort of negativity to keep going just because So and So has been married for 10 plus years. In addition, avoid using others to help stay with your partner for all the wrong reasons.
If you suspect you are being used by a troubled couple, don't permit them to use and abuse you any longer whether they are getting money, grandchildren, time, or service from you. Move on with your life! Also, keep in mind that struggling couples look for others' faults, so don't give them anything to talk about when it comes to your personal relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
This is not something that everyone notices or even realizes until you find yourself in a position where you are the focus of the couple who is having problems (despite you're having nothing to do with their issues). You see, some people will create problems and act as if you had something to do with them because you are there--they need a character to take away from their plot. So if you are the child returning home from college, a friend needing somewhere to live temporarily, or the elderly parent who is down on his or her luck, you can easily become the perfect distraction to keep a couple together whether you participate in their drama or not.
This is why it is best to say nothing to them about their relationship, personal feelings, future plans with a mate, etc. because anything you say or do will be used to help them and hurt you. Get far away from these selfish, devious couples who obviously don't want to take responsibility for their own actions or in-actions in the relationship. It is easier for some couples to look outside the relationship for problems and blame everyone and everything for their own; rather than look one another in the eye and say, "I don't feel the same way about you as I did 20 plus years ago, because I feel you have let yourself go, you are too critical of others, you aren't respectful of me, you don't like to go anywhere...I am starting to ask myself, 'What did I ever see in you?'"
People grow older and change (and not always for good either), relationships get boring, and thoughts of "what have I done with my life" start to show up in odd ways. He dresses differently, she wants to do things she never did before, and the two seem to be drifting apart on a daily basis.
The couple who use to fight to stay together, realizes there is no fight anymore. Jobs are over. Neighbors have moved away. Relatives have long established the fact that they want to be left alone. Children no longer live at home creating dramas of their own. So the fighting couple is now looking to start or join fights elsewhere to keep their relationship alive rather than simply going out on dates, traveling, visiting others--just living life! So what do these troubled couples do to stay married while burdening others?
1. Use other people's relationship issues as attempt to strengthen their own marriage but in negative ways.
Whether they have the facts, details, and so on of what transpired with this couple and that one, the desperate couple looking to stay together is going to use their failures to appear as if their relationship "isn't nearly as bad as their's," and they aren't going to offer much, if any, assistance to help another couple stay together unless they benefit in some way. Pride of one's own relationship gets in the way of common sense and before long the couple is adding to their own bag of trouble. Secretly one or both partners simply aren't very happy with one another, but they use other people's fights to temporarily distract them from this kind of thinking, because "I should be happy...I should love him/her."
2. Permit troubled people to move into their homes for a limited time as a distraction from their own relationship ills.
What better way to get a couple's mind off their own troubled relationship then to invite people into one's home that are worse off than they. Then after the couple has had enough of listening to the roommate's troubles, the wife, husband or both gently or harshly kick the relative or friend out leaving them with little, if any, resources. The common enemy is now gone and back in love is the couple at least for a season. Then they grow weary of one another, so off they go looking for another hurt individual or wounded animal to nurse back to health until the couple has grown weary yet again of their new object of distraction.
3. Find things to do that require, not only the couple to participate, but those around them, so that they can focus on everyone else's weaknesses and correct them while overlooking their own failures.
Some couples know how to get everyone involved in their activities from landscaping to gaming so that they can have yet another "healthy" distraction from one another. A partner isn't giving compliments, acting friendly or caring, but that's okay to the slighted partner, because he or she will find someone or group that will make him or her feel worthy, useful, and overall positive about oneself. Meanwhile, the unsuspecting don't realize that they are being used for a time--that is until the relationship is doing okay again.
4. Create emergencies, distractions, and other things to draw on the unmarried's emotional frailties, so that one or both in the relationship can have someone to lean on--take his or her side.
If a selfish, married couple complains to single friends or those in equally troubled relationships often about one's married life, whether they know it or not they are being discouraging to those who have yet to experience a positive married life. Those friends who are emotionally unstable, weak in relating to others, etc. will be that good friend who will digest all the negativity the couple has to bring, but will be missing out on a married life that they could possibly be very good at living. But those who have been married a long time, don't consider how what they are saying and doing might impact others with or without a partner.
5. Lie or deny any and everything that exposes their mental, physical, or spiritual issues.
If you should approach the couple with what you have learned about their relationship and how they have used you to calm the storms in their lives, they might deny their actions and could use your revelations against you.
In closing, identify this sort of behavior that you or someone else may be doing and don't help this sort of negativity to keep going just because So and So has been married for 10 plus years. In addition, avoid using others to help stay with your partner for all the wrong reasons.
If you suspect you are being used by a troubled couple, don't permit them to use and abuse you any longer whether they are getting money, grandchildren, time, or service from you. Move on with your life! Also, keep in mind that struggling couples look for others' faults, so don't give them anything to talk about when it comes to your personal relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
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