Every couple has disagreements. There are those things that no matter how much you try to convince your partner that what he or she is saying or doing is wrong, he or she will remain firm in views and/or actions. "Why does she have to make things so complicated?" You think. "Who is this person?"

When you can respectfully agree to disagree while continuing in the relationship without a bruised ego then you are on a great path! As for the rest of us, we still have a lot of learning to do! One of our biggest mistakes is we don't know how to shut up about the matter. We keep talking as if things will change when they won't. "If only you would...," we further aggravate the situation like picking at a scab until it bleeds again. The next thing we do is yell, slam around a few things or worse almost come to blows! We may turn and walk away, but what do we do in a few minutes, an hour or a day later, rehash everything back up again!

There comes a point when we have to face the truth: there is no getting through to him or her maybe not today or ever! Who knows what might happen in the future? Sometimes our partner learns the hard way and before you know it, he or she is doing things differently.

No one has to put up with abuse or other things that cause significant problems in the relationship; therefore when a partner doesn't want to do "the right thing," we can take control over what we can tolerate. The following are some tips on dealing with some of our relationship troubles:

Create distance in a relationship may help you work things out.

A short period of alone time usually helps couples sort things out.

Maybe your issue has something to do with knowing too many of the same people. Begin a quest to seek your own set of friends.

You might be spiritual, try visiting a church without your partner.

When you have unresolved childhood trauma, make an appointment to see a counselor about your personal issues without a partner.

These are just a few ways to take matters in your own hands without "losing it" with the person you claim to love.

Nicholl McGuire


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