What to Do When You Catch Him Cheating
The phone call that Justine just received feels like the equivalent of a tornado. The words that a woman from her book club just said to her have shaken her-- both inside and out.
The woman said, "I saw your husband with another woman. He is having an affair."
Justine can't believe that her husband-- who appears so trustworthy and loyal-- has been caught cheating.
There are a multitude of ways that you might catch your man cheating, if that's what's going on.
You might overhear him talking to someone on the phone. You may read an e-mail exchange. You could put together many of his out-of-character behaviors.
And you might walk into your home, his workplace or somewhere else and literally catch him cheating.
Assess the reliable facts.
With a few stark exceptions, what you might be hearing or seeing could mean something completely different than what you assume it to mean. This can go either way.
It's vital that you learn how to assess the RELIABLE facts that are available to you.
For instance, while the woman who told Justine that her husband is having an affair is in her book club, this woman is new to the group. Justine doesn't really know much about her.
This doesn't necessarily mean that Justine should discount the woman's words. It does mean that Justine probably wants to gather more information to make sure.
Make a choice you can live with 5 (or more) years from now.
Remember that you have choice. Once you know for sure that your man is, indeed, cheating (or not), you need to make a decision about what's next for you.
While it is understandable that you might be compelled to yell and scream at your husband or to confront the other woman, give yourself some time to calm down and get clear.
Will your lashing out point you toward the future that you want for yourself? Of course, it's healthy to express your feelings; but don't do so in a way that you'll later regret.
You may not know exactly where you'll be (and with whom) in 5 years. But make sure that the choices you make after finding out about the affair are ones that you can live with.
Relationship coaches and authors Susie and Otto Collins, have written many books and programs including: Should You Stay or Should You Go? and No More Jealousy.
If you suspect that your partner is lying and cheating and are looking for help determining the truth, check out Susie and Otto's newest program Where There's Smoke There's Fire, How To Tell If Your Man's A Cheating Liar