Monday

Someone Out There is Better for You But...

It is nice to think about how there is someone somewhere who is better for you then that person you are currently with, but before we go too far in our imaginary worlds, know that we wouldn't necessarily be right for those people.

Everyone has their share of flaws and some partners can tolerate everything from their loved ones who have a long history of lying to those who yell and curse far too much.  Sure, you could drop that zero and get with a hero, but is that what you really want?

Some people stay in relationships far too long and become tainted with their abusive partners' mess!  They act like fools, just like them, without realizing just how infected they have become with all their partner's negativity over the years.  These same troubled individuals will say, "I am going to breakup with my boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and find someone better!"  Meanwhile, the wishful thinker has become nothing more than a poison in his or her current relationship that just wants to get out and infect others.  It would be best to slow down, get one's house in order, disconnect one's self from the drama, and take a long vacation from relationships before jumping into another one.

There are far too many men and women getting married due to heavy infactuation (not love) and money-saving opportunities that they fail to give themselves time to heal from the past.  Some will even slip and call the new person a former partner's name--now that is just too soon to be dating someone else!

It isn't any wonder why some will stay in challenging relationships, because they just don't have the energy to even think about starting anything new with someone else.  Think of the years you have invested in someone trying to get him or her to understand you.  Notice how much money you have spent to keep love alive.  Consider the children you might have had with this person.  Do you really want to go on a search again trying to find someone new that you hope will complete you?

If it brings you peace knowing that someone out there is indeed better for you, then don't let me ruin your dream, but while you are wishing, fix yourself up mentally, physically and spiritually before you become someone else's nightmare.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself.

Sunday

Friendship - When a Date Wants Nothing More, Nothing Less

Companionship isn't promoted on movie screens and elsewhere between the opposite sex like being lovers to one another is.  Hold hands, kiss, have sex, argue, hug...touch, undress, touch, and so on.  But what about friendship?  What about two people being companions?  No touching, no sex, just talking--enjoying one's company?

When one is getting to know someone for the first time there is much conversing going on, probably too much.  In time, the date feels like he or she knows enough about the person that now he or she feels like they can touch or be ready to experience a touch that eventually leads into an intimate moment that might produce a child, a sexual disease, or disappointment. 

A good friendship will take you away from the bedroom and to the places you always wanted to go.  It will help you discover things about yourself and the other person that just isn't worth risking fun times for sex.  One can experience contentment just by being in the presence of a good friend without the worry of trying to impress.

When a date realizes that the one seated across from him or her at the restaurant is more a friend than a potential partner, this is a good thing--a very good thing!  What this means is that two people are free to be themselves!  There is no facade, no pressure, or stress about following any order of how things should go!  You also don't have to worry over footing any bill-- go dutch!

Whenever the opportunity comes to have a friendship with someone, rather than a sexual relationship, be open to it!  There is nothing wrong with periodic communication, attending an event or two (without touching), and being supportive of one another when one is up or down.  Yet, what is wrong is the following:  when people manipulate one another to get things, are unclear as to what the status of their relationship is, and act disrespectfully toward a partner because of a so-called friend who is really one that receives "benefits."

Take the time and think about what it really means to be a good friend and respect those who simply want nothing more and nothing less.

Nicholl McGuire  

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Saturday

Sugar Daddies Aren't Loyal - They Don't Commit

It doesn't matter what he promised, persuaded, shared, or made you believe, a Sugar Daddy doesn't commit to any one pretty young woman.  He wines, dines, buys, and has sex with young women--end of discussion.

Gullible young women who haven't dated Sugar Daddies long enough, must realize that they are nothing more than old players.  You can use whatever name you want, but at the end of the day, Sugar Daddy moves on.  He has things to do and plenty of money to do them and it won't be all day and everyday with a single young woman for the rest of his life.  He is divorced one, two, three, even four or more times for good reasons.

So how do you know you just don't have that special kind of Sugar Daddy who will commit to you?

1.  When you mention a serious relationship, marriage, moving in together, etc., he prefers to talk about anything but that.  He digresses.  He grins and distracts you a bit.  There is nothing good about giving up one's player card when he still wants to play.  New subject.

2.  While you are still talking about couples who got married or engaged, he is making jokes about these serious life decisions.  Consider thinking about what he has already told you in the past, "I'm not interested in a girlfriend...I don't mind being a Sugar Daddy but...Let's get some things straight, I'm not anyone's husband/boyfriend/fiance!"

3.  Sugar Daddy becomes visibly irritated, angry, rude, and may even yell about feeling pressured.  Too many of these mood swings and he just might retire his Sugar Baby.

4.  Threats to break up, irrelevant.  No matter what the Sugar Baby swears she will do, Sugar Daddy won't care after awhile, on to the next one.  If he threatens to break up, most likely he will sooner or later.

5.  There will be some "manufactured" distance on the part of the Sugar Daddy when it comes to this issue of commitment.  If he told you once, he told you twice, now he becomes silent.  Phone calls decrease and eventually no more.  He is training and punishing the young woman to behave or else.  Most likely, the Sugar Baby, desperate for some cash will comply.

6.  The Sugar Daddy may appear like he is so hurt by the discussions concerning commitment and how his young lady friend is moving too fast that he will focus on his other women a little more. The young woman will start to notice and eventually shut up about being his wife.  Got ya!

Don't be deceived by the Sugar Daddy player.

Nicholl McGuire also blogs at Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, see here.


 

Sunday

Children Can Be a Distraction From an Incompatible Relationship

"He has children, I have children..." the divorced woman tells her friend.  "He likes taking his kids to fun places, so do I.  We always wanted to go on a family trip together, but our exs were often busy.  Now we get to do it!  He's great with his kids and mine like him."  Months later, after repeated disputes, the woman has a different impression about her date.

"He's good with the kids, but me, well we don't see eye-to-eye on many things.  I guess that's just how relationships are.  I mean I thought we would do more things together, but the kids, they are always around.  We don't really have much money for babysitters..." the disappointed girlfriend says.

Daters just don't think much about how compatible they really are or aren't at times esepcially when they see one great attribute in someone and then before long, they are off to the races!  They are singing, that new person in their lives, praises.  Claiming that a special someone is their match made in heaven until small grievances grow in size.  It is the children's smiles and excitement about going here and there that takes precedence over the couple really and truly getting to know one another.  Red alert signs are often ignored between the pair because, "She is good with the kids...He is a great dad." 

If one needs a babysitter that is what he or she should focus on, but what tends to happen is the search for a compatible mate turns into seeking someone who is "good with the kids...someone who will love my kids...watch my kids, help me with my kids."  There are plenty of people who enjoy children, but you don't have to commit to any of them, sleep with them, or feel obligated to do anything more for them but pay them for their services.

Distractions, like kid activities, keep couples from really looking deeply at one another.  Are you really the one or just the one right now?  Do you really love the person you are with or are you in love with the dream of being a family?  Some people are rebounding from past relationships that ended badly because someone or both didn't appreciate the family unit, so now the divorced and broken-hearted are hoping and praying to get something back that was long ago lost.  Instead of taking much needed time to develop one's self into a successful individual with as little baggage as possible, the desperate single looks out for a person who will be a temporary or possibly permanent sex partner under the umbrella of "family."  He or she sees help with finances, a place to stay, a car to borrow, an opportunity to help with children.  But love?  It doesn't apply with all daters.

With a down economy, poor wages, and other societal challenges, one must be careful making on and offline connections with people who are more concerned about everything else, but honestly and truly loving someone in both good and bad times.

If you have children and are dating, put off what you want for your children for a moment and zero in on that person who may or may not be as compatible as you think.

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and blogger at http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com and http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com
 

Wednesday

Job Loss Affects Relationships

No money + no intimacy = DRAMA!

One might think that things are still the same within one's mind, body and spirit after a job loss, but quite the contrary.  People change when they make a substantial income and people change when they lose it!

There are side effects that some couples might experience as a result of one or both having no steady income, but a savings to live on and whatever other money they can get elsewhere.

1.  Irritability.

Becoming angry over the littlest of things, one or both begin to dispute over some minor things.  They may act out in public such as ridiculing the other, saying things they don't mean, and treating each other rudely like ignoring a partner when he or she is trying to communicate a thought.  Money is on the mind and the mind is on the money!

2.  Fluctuating sex drive.

Today a mate might want sex and then a drought season occurs where there is no sex.  Then a period of having sex followed by another drought.  Meanwhile, one or both are asking, "What the h#ll happened to us?"  Hell had something to do with it, all right!  For some couples they burned right through their money and now they are burning right through their relationships!

3.  Temptation to find happiness elsewhere.

Other couples appear to be happier and have it together in the eyes of the penniless couple.  But what they fail to remember is that just because someone looks happy doesn't necessarily mean that they are.  Yet, these couples will allow eyes to wander elsewhere while hoping to forget about a temporal setback.  Remember it's temporary!  Why ruin your relationship for an emotional or physical release with someone who most likely will be another burden sooner or later?

4.  Alcohol, smoking, and other habits increase.

Not everyone runs to the church or to a counselor when in trouble even though a good-hearted soul might try to guide a stressed out couple to some help; rather, some will increase their eating habits, alcohol and drug consumption.  The more one indulges in self-destructive habits, the more miserable they become resulting in all sorts of mayhem in the future.

5.  Children, bills, relatives and other challenges seem bigger than what they are.

If couples are unhappy with their financial business, the frustration usually falls on everyone and everything else.

If you or someone you know might be experiencing a myriad of emotions from insecure feelings to rage regarding the relationship and other people and things connected to it, take some time out for yourself.  Think about how you might solve your money issues before they get the best of you and everyone you love!

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

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