Wednesday

Friday

Avid Book Readers and Gaming Dates Not Your Types?


She says she loves to read. He enjoys playing board and video games. These people might be a good match for someone else, but for you? Some of these singles are attractive, have nice jobs, drive good cars, and other things, you might be easily impressed.



Sometimes we make ourselves believe we can adapt to someone else’s personality. Yet, when we start dating people with interests, different from our own, we hope that they might change. We find out they love their hobbies a bit more than we thought. We also notice how we react to what they do in their spare time and it isn’t always positive. Not everyone enjoys gaming. Some singles prefer to stay active doing more “fun” and “interesting” things outdoors.

What makes some of these dates so dull is how long they tend to an activity? Maybe a date enjoys going to a friend’s house weekly to play video games or enjoys spending evenings on a couch curled up with a good book. This isn’t attractive to those who prefer parties, shopping, and travel. Now if the date has other hobbies besides, reading and gaming, then chances are he or she just might be a good fit for the more outgoing one.



Disinterest tends to show up when we least expect it while dating some people, because we have adapted to their routines rather than keeping up with our own. We think that by being more tolerant of people different than us, that somehow the treatment will be reciprocated. Unfortunately it rarely is when one has been passionate for years about certain hobbies. Some may have ended previous relationships because they loved reading and gaming far more than love-making.

If you find you are dating a real bore, you can always mention how you feel, but be advised that person will not change for you especially when he or she has been that way for years. The avid reader loves her books and the game enthusiast loves his games. You might notice during the early part of the dating phase the reader might put down her books for you and the guy who enjoys gaming will move away from the screen long enough to learn more about you. However, once the newness of meeting you has worn off, this is when the invites to come join them in their hobbies might be offered. If you enjoy the same things, you most likely won’t have any issues—that is unless a date is a fanatic. If this is the case, you will have to be clear about your likes and dislikes early on. If he or she respects your boundaries, you just might enjoy dating the gamer or reader.



Now there are some signs you might want to look out for when dating people who love their quiet activities and gaming times. Consider the following. They might be late for dates, ignore phone calls, and cancel going out if the hobby is really interesting to them for the moment. Maybe the gaming guy is trying to beat an opponent or turn over a video game. The reader might be on a really good chapter of a book. If this is the case, you might be temporarily forgotten. The hobbyist makes excuses, lies, or even covers up just how much he or she is committed to his or her passion depending on how dates respond to him or her. If you notice the hobby is taking up too much of a date’s time, bail out early, he or she is letting you know that having a quality relationship is insignificant to him or her.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.

Wednesday

What to do about a Date who is too Warm and Friendly

Some bachelors are simply too affectionate with dates and others. These flirty types can be a bit much when they are talking to others. From friendly stares to kisses on cheeks, these single men and women can irritate you with all their warm, friendly and very flirty behaviors.

There is normal affection between people, but then there is over-the-top behaviors that make you question whether a mother and son are sleeping together, a date is in love with the waiter at the restaurant, or a peculiar exchange between your partner and a stranger on the street. It is safe to say some people misbehave due to hormonal issues, things they have been exposed to while growing up, and alcohol and/or drug influence.

When you find that a date is doing things like: moving a bit too fast with his or her hands, pressuring you into having an intimate encounter or talking wildly about sex, you might want to step back and observe this person for awhile.

People, who tend to be a bit too flirtatious, have a long history of break ups, have home wrecked, and caused chaos in their own families are not good partners. Those that don’t bother to analyze why these troubled lovers behave like they do, are use to their shady conduct, tend to make excuses for their inappropriate ways, look the other way, or won’t say much especially family members. 

You will know when something doesn’t feel or look right with your "too warm and friendly" date. You might even question others on what you experienced. Take some time to research what you have witnessed with the flirty individual and you just may find a label for the person’s personality like histrionic or bi-polar disorder for starters.

Those, who can handle people that display much friendliness, are usually used to them because of influences they have experienced in the past with others. If you have not been exposed to people like this, their actions will definitely make you feel uncomfortable. You will also find this very affectionate person will trigger a myriad of emotions within you including: jealousy, rage, distrust, and depression. People like this, act as if they are very much into you, but then you later see the same behavior being displayed with everyone else. This can be unnerving! You don’t feel very special nor do you feel like the date is trustworthy.

These very friendly people are not only sweet and sexy with their partners, relatives and friends, but they can also be quite unprofessional. They will encourage inappropriate workplace conversations and permit prohibited touch with leadership and co-workers while making excuses for their conduct.

Four things to pay attention to when dealing with a very flirty person includes:
  1. Whether they have boundaries when it comes to sexy talk with you and others.
  2. Do they respect you and what you say about their behavior?
  3. Do they often defend their actions?
  4. Do you feel like they want you to change your ways while justifying their inappropriate actions with others?
If you detect a date is being a bit too flirty with yourself, relatives, friends, and strangers, you will want to confront this person. Mention what you saw and share how you feel about it. If the date’s behavior doesn’t change, then most likely this person has deep-rooted issues and may not be a good fit for you.

Nicholl McGuire also contributes to another dating blog specifically for young women dating older men and vice versa.  See here.

Sunday

Compassionate Dates, Chocolate Lovers and Comedians

If you have dated a long time, then you have met your 3 C dates: Compassion, Chocolate and Comedian. These three types of dates are very similar and require much time and patience. Although on the surface they are kind, sweet and funny, they also are deeply troubled individuals if they have yet to be free of their personal demons.

Compassion

This is the date who loves everyone and everything. He or she is compassionate about the people who are hurting, the decline of the environment, and desires to have a family of his or her own. Compassion might weep when listening and sharing a story. He or she might be quite passionate when talking about a controversial topic. This person tries to see the good in humanity. However, these people sometimes talk much, are involved in many activities, and are on the prowl for some help. If you are equally compassionate about a person, place, cause, or thing, then you will win over your over-the-top concerned date.

Chocolate

The chocolate reference has nothing to do with one’s skin tone, but has everything to do with enjoying the sweetness of life. Chocolate lovers use their desserts to escape, to feel at peace, and to ponder during quiet moments. Sometimes these folks, with a sweet tooth, eat much which results in a number of health and mental issues for them. In addition, the chocolate type can be emotional, easily angered, and will not hesitate to argue one’s point with words or fists depending on what he or she has been through in life. If you don’t like chocolate, so to speak, and find it too expensive to buy, don’t date Chocolate. However, if you love chocolate too and have your share of issues as well, then you just might be a good match.

Comedian

A date with a funny bone is a real joy. He or she uses jokes to make people feel at ease. You will have a good time with the Comedian going places, laughing at stuff, and feeling alive. But these people tend to have their share of problems that are no laughing matter. The jokes are a mere tool to cover up pain, past childhood issues, and possibly abuse. When the Comedian is not in the mood to be funny, you most likely will have to endure the personality change until the funny guy or girl emerges once again.

When dating any one of these types, be sure that you have the patience and time to dedicate to a relationship. However, don’t be surprised if one of these dates suddenly doesn’t want to go out with you anymore. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to trigger negative emotions, and if that happens, then Compassion will focus on her cause, Chocolate will indulge in her sweets, and Comedian will lose himself in yet another joke.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.
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