Friday

On Dating: Character Flaws in that Special Someone

When we start dating or committing to one person, we sometimes fail at allowing ourselves to see the not-so appealing qualities in our special mate. We don't want to see that there is something wrong with him or her since it may have taken so long to finally find a partner. I can tell you from personal experience, that when we allow ourselves to focus only on the good while turning a blind eye on the bad for fear that we might disrupt that warm and fuzzy feeling inside our gut, we are headed for some trouble early on in the relationship!

The reality is that we must connect with a mate not so much for his or her great qualities, but for this person's not so great ones too! The following is a list of things you may want to consider when dating or remaining in a relationship with someone. You should be asking yourself this question, which personality challenges can I live with and which ones can I not? You see every person in the world has some, if not all, of these character issues at some point in their lives.  You will have to determine if you have the perseverance to love forever and always in sickness and in health until death do you part.

Pessimistic, Fatalistic, Grudging
Optimistic hate being around people like this.  They become frustrated with having to make all the plans to go places.  They find themselves lying about their partner's frowns to family and friends.  These people always have something negative to say about people, places and things.

Jealous, Possessive, Greedy
They are easily irritated when you talk to others.  They think they "own" you.  What they have is never good enough, they always want more.  They spend far more than they earn in an effort to be happy.

Compulsive, Obsessive, Resentful
They feel driven to do something even when they shouldn't or the signs are on the wall.  They have to get this done, do that, and create routines for themselves that are not easily broken or changed.  They might even say, "I am obsessed with...I just love buying...I have to get this done..."  They aren't happy for others and simply don't know how to let offenses go.

Indecisive, Gullible, Self-indulgent
They never know what they want for themselves or others.  They fall into traps and are easily swindled into joining groups, buying things etc.  They love buying for self, doing for self, always making sure that self comes first even when self doesn't always need to come first.

Always tense, Superficial, Inconsistent
Everything needs to be pondered deeply.  They often think someone is up to something or has a hidden agenda.  They talk intense.  They have their own take on what they believe something to be even when their perception is inaccurate.  They are never consistent about thoughts, habits, ideals, etc.  You never know what a day might bring when in the presence of this person.

Selfishness, Quick Tempered, Impulsive
They don't like sharing.  They feel inconvenienced if you ask them to do something.  They are often in trouble because of the tone of their voice.  They react pre-maturely over situations that typically don't need any major response. These people are big spenders too and do their shopping without thinking such as getting too much of something, not enough of something else, while forgetting what you need the most. 

Moody, Overemotional, Clingy
You find yourself having to ask often, "Are you okay?  Is everything alright?" with the moody person.  They cry easily, get angry quickly, and just tend to be over-the-top about the littlest of things.  They also attach themselves to you--always wanting to be close to you, touch you, or go places with you.

Overcritical, Fussy, Worrier
You most likely work with people like this, just imagine taking them home with you?  You can never do anything right with these folks.  They have to tell you how things are done and if you don't do it right they will tell you everything that is wrong with you.  They talk negatively about people often and may even laugh a lot about others' weaknesses.  They are also very concerned about things that hasn't happened yet and may never happen.  They keep bringing the same issues to you even after some things have been dealt with.

Idealistic, Weak-willed, Easily led
They have many ideas, plans, visions, and associations.  It doesn't take much to convince them to go along with a program that may or may not be good for them.  They enjoy abusing substances.

Annoyingly optimistic, Careless, Superficial
No matter what wrong happens in their world, those optimists will tell you to, "Look on the bright side..." Its as if they use bright, cheery statements to cut you off.  Many won't let you tell them anything negative before digressing.  They tend to be nervous and aren't often careful in what they say and do when they are in a bad mood or not don't so well.  They also think that having the best things, best appearance, best whatever makes them better than others.  They think more of those who have much than those who have little.

Detached, Perverse, Unpredictable
They never seem to connect with others.  They say and do strange things.  You never know what to expect from them.  Something is just not right in their minds and sometimes they don't mind telling you so.

If you have associated your partner with any of the previously mentioned character flaws, then you know what you are getting yourself into if you are considering marrying this individual one day. Now go through the list and figure out which ones are your character flaws? Is your partner showing any signs that he or she cannot handle being with you because of your personality challenges such as: ignoring you, acting rudely, giving you the run-around about spending time with you, saving money for personal goals while not helping you, etc.? 

Save yourself some grief, connect with someone who can put up with you!  But if you have already found her/him, keep that person!

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

Save Money - Stop Dating

Repeated arguing, fussing, fighting, and using the silent treatment because one is going through difficult financial times will disrupt some of the best relationships.  There is never enough money to date, to pay baby-sitters, or to finance a trip.  As long as the money is coming in, some partners are happy.  But when money is limited or is all tapped out, the negative attitude shows up and stress levels rise.

"Sorry honey, I can't help you with that...I really wish I could but...well you know we spent quite a bit of money last time...and well you know I really don't have much...I'm sure you understand."  But the eye-rolling, deep sighing partner with a chip on his or her shoulder doesn't.  This person might cover disappointment up with a smile, but a loved one or friend will know the truth, "Why did I get myself involved with yet another broke guy/gal?"

When it isn't your money being spent, you have no choice, but to grin and bear it when a partner shares stories of his or her money woes, you didn't lose out on anything.  The best thing you could do is offer to help.  But when it is your money that is long gone, you have to find a way to get more.  So many people want the handsome guy or sexy gal, but they don't think about how much it is going to cost them to keep that person entertained.  Attractive people typically have many people who are willing to date them.  You might wish that special someone only wants to be with you for the sake of love, but the reality is that money and assets help with keeping romance alive.

When you find yourself often complaining about money, disputing with a partner about it, or doing sneaky things to save or get money, you might consider taking a break from dating.  The truth is, you simply can't afford it. 

Nicholl McGuire

 

Saturday

5 Things Dates Do that Kill Romance Early On

It isn't any wonder why many romantic relationships don't last.  There are some things that dates do early on that cause much distress later simply because they just can't be honest.  From lying about their age to who they know, some daters will never make a quality connection because they are more concerned about playing a selfish actor's role than being a truly loveable human being capable of giving and receiving love.  So what do some of these people do that kill romantic interest as soon as they get someone's attention?

1.  They lie.

Some manipulators assume that lies will never be found out.  They reason, "It's okay...she won't ever know...how could he find out, it's not like he knows my family and friends?"  But the Internet as well as busybody people offline have a way of revealing truth sooner or later. Therefore, one shouldn't be so confident that a lie won't come to light especially after having one too many drinks.

2.  They are dating too many people at the same time.

No one wants to feel like they are one of five plus people in a woman's or man's group of dates.  So when romantic feelings start to arise, it can be difficult to be trusting when one is dating many others.  Some dates feel cheated when they start to notice that a partner's attention span is on everyone else, but them.  Don't wonder why the romantic interest is over before it even started.  You might want to ignore your cell phone while on a date, keep your eyes focused on your potential lover, and stop surfing those dating and social networking sites while a date has your interest.  Get to know the person who is seated in front of you.

3.  They don't offer their dates any assistance when issues come up.

What good is a friend if he or she is not willing to help in times of need?  From needing a ride to work to borrowing money, a date will have issues and when one doesn't bother stepping up to the plate (when all other methods have been exhausted,) how long do you think he/she will be around?

4.  They exaggerate their lifestyles, connections and material wealth.

When a date finds out that a friend doesn't really have the connections that he/she claims, isn't the least bit wealthy, and lives terribly, why wouldn't he or she be angry?  No one wants to be sold a bag of goods only to find out later there is nothing in that bag.  So the song goes, "I can do bad all by myself..."

5.  They make promises and don't keep them.

You might recall a time when someone promised to do something for you and never came through.  Well when someone who is romantically interested in you says he or she is going to assist/spend/plan or do something else for you and never does, how would that make you feel?  Most people don't keep people in their inner circle who don't keep their word.

Now that you have five date killers, be sure that you take the time to think before you speak or write to a date about what you can do for him/her, how much you love/care for this person, etc. because as soon as you don't do your part, the disputes, accusations, and anger will come.

Nicholl McGuire

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