Saturday

3 Sex Killers - Snoring, Body Odor, Late Night Internet Surfing and TV Watching

Days of not having a good night sleep, moments where something didn't smell right under covers, and daily late night Internet surfing and TV watching can not only affect sex, but set a relationship back! 


1.  Snoring


Loud noises throughout the day, chatty co-workers, nerve-racking toys, and other irritating things can overwhelm anyone.  The only peace one might have is when he or she lies on a nice, comfy bed and closes eyes at night.  However, if one is sleeping with a partner who snores loudly, how much rest are you really getting?  Think of the mood swings, the tiredness during the day, and overall how you feel, most likely you are not getting a quality night sleep due to snoring.  Those who have struggled with snoring for years need medical help, over-counter medicines simply don't work for some.  If a partner often complains about snoring and not being able to rest, don't wonder why he or she is more interested in sleeping and less interested in having sex.  If you are a victim of a snorer, talk about your concern, if he or she doesn't want to deal with the problem, sleep in separate rooms or discuss other changes so that you can sleep in peace.


2.  Body Odor


Sometimes things happen and one doesn't always keep up with body hygiene.  One bad odor can put sex to a halt for awhile (or for years) especially when you are in a relationship with a person who has a keen sense of smell.  It would make sense to handle the issue, rather than just cover it up with perfumes and colognes.  If there is a problem such as: bad breath, smelly underarms and private parts, or stinky feet that when cleansed the smell doesn't seem to go away, seek medical attention.  If you have a partner who smells terrible and you have yet to communicate your concern, be polite, yet firm about your feelings.  If the issue is still not addressed after weeks have gone by, you might want to make some hard decisions which might include no intimacy until he or she gets the problem resolved.


3.  Late night Internet and TV watching


As much as we all love our gadgets, there comes a point when we have to balance time between them and our partners.  Too much of anything isn't a good thing.  When you find that a partner is spending way too much time up all night pleasuring his or herself, while you feel all-too-ready to have sex, you will need to break up the routine.  Take a nap during the day sometimes, stay up late and make yourself available.  If you find there is frequent rejection, it is time to start communicating and possibly snooping.  If there is still no change, make plans to separate or break up rather than cheat.  If you are guilty, scale back your time viewing these devices and make some time to entertain your partner.


Many relationships tend to break up over what seems to be trivial issues, but become major ones due to one or the pair refusing to deal with the problems.  Stubborn and prideful people don't want flaws pointed out and can be mean-spirited when it comes to dealing with the issues.  You know your relationship better than anyone and if it isn't broke, don't try to fix it.  However, if something is happening in the relationship that is affecting your well-being, speak up!  If a partner sincerely loves you, he or she will have compassion and do what he or she can to restore quality sex and peace in the relationship.


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight about a variety of topics including relationships on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Thursday

What I Wish I Knew About Dating Before I Started

Anyone who has ever loved or been loved, may have wished to do some things differently in their lives when it comes to dating.  One day I thought of some things I had wished I knew about dating before I started meeting people.


1.  Some memories never go away.


It would have been wiser to think longer about things before I did them.  Now when certain things are said or done, my mind goes back to memories that should have never been created in the first place.


2.  Being selective about who you date really does make a difference in how you view relationships in the future.


Going out with just anyone doesn't help with building a healthy view on how to create a quality relationship.  Taking the time to think about why you like or settle with certain individuals will help you discover more about what you do and don't like about yourself and others.  The more troubled people you date, the more you start thinking negatively about relationships in general.


3.  Appreciate loneliness and use it to do the things you always wanted to do rather than find someone to do them with.


It is so popular to see couples in movies and elsewhere, but being alone is also a very good thing.  You are able to get some things accomplished without the worry of checking in with someone else or them possibly hindering you from your achieving your goals.


4.  It doesn't pay to rush into anything.


Whether I had sex right at the moment or later, it didn't really make a difference.  A loser was still the same before, during and after.  It would have been best for my mind, body and spirit had I waited.


5.  It's expensive.


When I think about the years I spent money dating others, those dollars could have been invested.  I would have had an extensive savings by now and probably would have been on my way to retirement before reaching the age of 50.  Most dates were bad investments.


So if you have been reflecting on your dating experiences lately, you may want to think strongly about doing some things differently.  Dating can leave you feeling broke, busted and disgusted sometimes.


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.  See blog here.

Wednesday

Tuesday

Opting Out This Year From Visiting a Partner's Family?

Most people who could get out of spending the holidays with boring, troublesome, or downright crazy in-laws would.  As much as one loves his or her mate, the idea of sitting with people who are not necessarily a likeable bunch can be nerve-racking.  If one's partner really loves you, he or she would be understanding.


Over the years, I have sat out from spending time with boyfriends', lovers' and partner's families simply by stating, "I won't be attending this year.  I prefer some quiet time at home."  Sure, a partner was disappointed at times, but when the time came to visit my relatives, did I even bother to ask?  Nope.  I know what it feels like to be pressured into going somewhere with a mate or a friend to see their people, their events, their whatever they are doing and you really have no interest.  How long will one keep up the act?  So I don't bother to pressure or place a guilt trip on any loved one or friend to be anywhere I will be.  Besides, my current husband is lucky, my folks live 3000 miles away while his are in the same town.  I don't attend all their events either.


The threat of not being liked, talked about, or judged because you didn't show up to an event will happen depending on the person hosting the get-together.  If the special time is honoring a patriarch or matriarch of the family and you are a new comer in the family, then if you know you can make it, then make every effort to attend.  But if you can't, send a card, a gift or a message through your partner.  Some people have to work, care for children, have family emergencies, or end up getting a good deal on airfare to see their own relatives, so if a mate can't be there, he or she just can't.  Making them feel bad about their choice is juvenile, selfish, and will start unnecessary issues especially in an already troubled relationship.


To be honest, when I opted out of meeting a date's family, it was because I knew the guys simply were no longer holding my interest and I wasn't interested in seeing any of them long term.  This is typically a dead give-away that a relationship is really not as serious as it looks.  Friends with benefits don't typically meet mom and dad and neither do fly-by-night sexual partners.  However, those couples who have said things like, "I love you, I want to be in your life, I want what we have exclusive..." to partners are now obligating themselves to attend family events until they are comfortable enough in the relationship to say no to some family functions.  They also have to have some time under their belts being with parents' beloved daughter or son for awhile before saying, "Not this year."


One of my relatives who has a long track record of saying, "No, I'm not going to see the in-laws for the holidays..." has gotten away with getting out of family functions, because he made himself available to the key relatives (just those closest to his wife not everyone) during other times of the year.  If an errand needed to be run, something needed to be fixed, or someone was in trouble, he was typically there.  So he has been able to opt out of family get-togethers, reunions, birthday celebrations, Thanksgiving and Christmas parties, and New Years celebrations, because he has done good things for his wife's family for decades throughout the year. 


So if you are planning to opt out of your Sweetie or Sweetheart's family event or party, be sure of the following:


1.  You have been seen around the family enough to do so.  If you are a new-comer, I wouldn't advise it.


2.  Consider how many years you have invested in a relationship with your significant and how many other family related events you have been to this year with this person.  You are due for a break if it is more than enough.


3.  If you plan on going elsewhere before the day of the event, be sure the main people (your partner's closest relatives) know this. 


4.  Be sure you have discussed your plans before the day of the event.  If he or she grumbles, complains or does other things because, "I really wanted you to be there..." reiterate your reason and then say nothing.  The more you talk about it, the more likely it will lead to an argument.


5.  Don't assume relatives will be okay with your opting out.  Some just might use your absence as a stick to crack your head with later.  Whatever they say or do, make no apologies when confronted by a trouble-maker, just remain quiet and walk away.  I learned this from a man in a 30 plus year marriage.  He will leave an event early if the family acts disrespectful or says one too many rude things.


6.  Above all, stand your ground with partner and in-laws.  If they don't like you, they will respect you. 


Keep in mind, most relatives don't care that much if in-laws come or don't, they are most concerned with seeing their blood kin anyway, so don't think too much about what others are going to think.  Instead, focus on that free time you are going to have yourself and make the most of it!


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself.

Monday

When a Relationship is Coming to an End

A woman leaves her man then returns to him in the hopes that things will get better, but they don't.  A man breaks up with his girlfriend only to wish to be with her again, so he goes back to her and hates it.  In both situations, they broke up times before, but this time something tells them, "This is it."


When you have reached that point in your own relationship, when there is no turning back and it is all forward from here, you are giving up your last bit of energy to make it work.  You know deep within that if it goes bad this go around, there is no getting back together.  You may have felt this way times before, but there is just something different that happens inside when you know a relationship is coming to an end for good.  Exs who have been through something like this have talked about the last break up being worse than others before.  Its as if you are grieving the death of the relationship long before it actually happens. 


Remember when a loved one was dying, how you needed to process the news and then begin to live your life in such a way that you didn't think so much about him or her without being deeply saddened?  Well, when going through the relationship grief process there are things that happen that are similar.  You know the person you once loved is no longer impactful to your life, you know that one day soon he or she will not have any place in your personal world.  So you start to live your life without being dependent on him or her.  You find ways to stop thinking about "we" and more about "I."  The soon-to-be ex becomes someone you use to know.  You might even find yourself talking about the person in the past tense before you have even broke up with him or her.


The last attempt at getting back together and staying for sake of love, children, business, etc. starts off good.  Both of you are loving toward one another, act a bit nicer, and really want to make the other happy.  But routine starts to take root, life disappointments, annoying habits, death of loved ones, parenting challenges, health issues, and more, before long you are wishing you hadn't agreed to get back together. 


What many troubled couples fail to understand is that the process of breaking up never ended after repeated break ups and getting back together.  If it had stopped, you wouldn't think twice about wanting to break up yet again!  The last try is actually helping you break free once and for all from the person who you thought was The One.  Unlike other break ups before, you didn't pay that close attention to what went wrong, why, and what you and the person you are with could have done differently.  Now you are studying what is happening, thinking deeply about things.  Possibly planning a future court hearing regarding custody of a child or children.  There is much analyzing a partner during this last attempt at trying to make things work.  You will come to the realization why things just aren't going to work the more the relationship is challenged.  You  find yourself holding on to every negative thing said and did, forgiveness becomes more difficult.  Your mind will not let you forget the many offenses that an ex has done, the next time when you do exit for good.


Once single, those past as well as current bad experiences with an ex will be your motivation for not returning to misery once again.  Miserable people enjoy the company of one another as long as there is something to talk about, but the day they don't have any misery to contribute, the relationship will come to an end.  One or both of you will grow weary of disputes, jealous feelings, worries about what the other is or isn't doing, the bad habits, and other things that compromise relationships.  Misery loves bad company, but it doesn't love peace and joyful times.


When a relationship is coming to an official end, it just might have a history of repeated break ups. When two people don't smile at one another or care too much about what the other is doing this is a sure sign the relationship is headed nowhere.  Also, when you find that almost anyone is better to be around then the person you claim is your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, this too is a definite sign.


Others will notice your unhappiness and will attempt to comfort you by bad-mouthing your partner, rather than defend the person, you will find yourself going right along with the critics and saying mean things about him or her too.  In addition, you won't do much for your lover and will start doing things a part from him or her while never bothering to say much about your personal thoughts, daily activities and things you hope to accomplish in the future. 


The relationship is burning out and when you are fed up, you find yourself looking to move into a place of your own and you see the future without your current partner.  No matter what he or she does at this point, you have tunnel vision, all you can think of is, "When do I tell this person I want out?"


Nicholl McGuire shares more relationship insight at http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com 
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