Mary J. Blige Ft. Drake - Mr. Wrong (LYRICS)

Challenge and Controversy: Have You Experienced this Yet with a Date?

What's the rush to hop in a bed with a new friend or a lover?  You just might regret your decision soon after.  Dates can become increasingly controlling once they have had a taste of a good bedroom experience.  They can also be demanding too!  "So I was thinking about marriage...I was wondering about us living together...What do you think about quitting your job and relocating to...?"  What!?  You might be thinking, but when couples move fast, it won't be long before talk of marriage and a baby in a carriage is soon to follow.  So when is the best time to take a relationship beyond the dating experience?  When you have been through a series of challenging and controversial situations with your date.

If you have yet to observe your date under pressure and haven't had a serious enough argument where your palms are sweaty and your voice is loud, then why bother promising anything?  From a gift to sex, hold off on all those things that say, "We are a couple," until you have felt other emotions with this person besides warm and fuzzy ones.

Too often people discover once money is spent, contracts are signed, a belly is sticking out, and family is met that they simply don't like the person they are with as much as they once did.  They realize the beautiful or handsome guy has a lot that comes with him or her (seen and unseen) that they simply can't tolerate.  But these disgruntled folks with their selections, learned the hard way!  They ignored all sound advice that warned, "Take it slow...get to know her...don't rush...wait to see if it is love that you are really feeling."

True love isn't ready to throw the towel in every time one is offended, angered over a mistake, or doesn't understand what is being said during a heated discussion, but lust is.  Lust takes off, cools down, but is never quite the same.  Relationships rooted in lust have couples in them who are on shaky ground and are doubtful about the future.

Sometimes love is overlooked early on in the relationship because daters are too busy comparing their lives with others or wanting what their relatives and friends have.  If the best friend appears to be in love with his or her mate that is because they went through much to get to that point.  They permitted themselves to fall in love over and over again in good times and in bad.  Yet, people who enter into relationships with a fantasy in their minds of what they anticipate love to be are often disappointed when potential mates don't look or act in ways they had in mind.  Rather than cut their losses early, they stick around hoping to change others.  Unfortunately, the controlling and manipulation tactics used early on to keep a date interested blow up sooner or later.

Allow challenge and controversy to arise in a new relationship and watch how your date reacts.  You will be so glad you did.  This way you can make a fair observation on whether your date is really worth giving your money, body and time to him or her in good times and in bad.

Think about it.

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others.  One is entitled, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and check out her latest audio/videos on YouTube.


Why Singles Should Wait to Commit or Marry Online Dates

It usually takes weeks, even months later, to find out about that elephant in the room that many Internet daters have.  "He wasn't really divorced, he was thinking about it.  She claimed that she was a virgin, but the reality was she was the town's prostitute.  He said he was a Christian and attended church sometimes, but the truth was he hadn't set foot in God's house in years and never got baptized."  The scandalous things some daters learn later after marriage and children (sigh).

Let's be honest, many singles flock to the Internet in search of a sex partner, not a husband or wife.  However, there are those who really want a life-long companion but are hood-winked buy selfish and manipulative people who enjoy creating an emotional bond.  Then later, one finds out about all that other stuff that comes with the supposedly "single, care-free, or good-hearted" him or her.

Many people who are quick to create profiles on dating websites are living with someone at the time they are doing it.  The offline story typically went like this:  the couple got in an argument and someone threatened to leave or divorce so now the needy, angry partner thinks that by bringing his headache into a new relationship that will help ease his or her tension. 

Singles and divorced daters who are confident that a background investigation is all they need to find out about someone and then enter into marriages, usually find out later that there are some personality issues with people that don't show up on background reports.  Match-making systems don't always match people up and gut feelings are often nothing more than that good food you ate earlier settling on your stomach.

Singles and divorced individuals should really take online partnerships slow.  Learn as much as you can in all settings about someone (offline and on) before verbalizing your love for someone online and how much you would want them to be a part of your life for always.

Holidays are a good time to find out who and what you are marrying into anyway.  Chances are that whatever family issues an online date has will show up in an offline romance.  You will discover slowly, but surely why mom treats her son like she does.  You will find out why some dates are considered the black sheeps in their families.  You will also learn about money woes, lies, and exaggerations at some of these family gatherings.  Hopefully, an ex will show up and that will surely tell you just how close or distant the pair still are.

The more you know prior to marriage, the better!  Far too many people create false stories about who they are, what they like, and what they want to provide to someone else.  When the truth shows up and looks you in the face, you always have a choice: you can pretend as if it doesn't exist, talk about it, run from it, or consider it a blessing in disguise and move on with your life!

Nicholl McGuire also shares insightful tips on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
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