Wednesday

7 Popular Lies of Single, Deceptive Men

A lot is said in a simple statement backed up with an action or inaction when it comes to relationships.  Many singles can save themselves much time and stress if they would just pay attention to the little things their dates say and do early on in the relationship!  Some women are so desperate for a man that they suppress all red alert signs that tell them, "Keep away, this guy is a loser!"  Don't be the next fool for love in a deceptive, single man's game, listen and learn.

1. "I can cook."

Really?  Challenge him.  Go to the grocery store with him, watch him take the food out the wrapping, season it, and cook it.  If you see all of that, he can cook.  If not, he's a liar and what else might he lie about?  Hmm.

2.  "She's just a friend."

Is he sure about that?  The way he looks at her, talks about her, and how often he corresponds with her on the phone should be enough for you to tell him, "Goodbye."

3.  "I would never hit a woman."

Push any man enough and they just might hit back.  Watch how your date/partner reacts to you during a disagreement.  Do you feel like he just might slap, choke, push, or trip you just because you don't agree with him or he doesn't like the tone of your voice? Anyway, ask him to define a "hit."  Any verbal or physical assault is considered abusive.  A deceptive man who works hard to hide his mood swings and angry temper most likely has a past that involved him abusing more than one woman whether they so-called "deserved it" or not. 

4.  "I will be over around..."

Is he really a man of his word?  How many excuses does he need to come up with to finally arrive on time?  If he can't keep his word, what else might he be unable to commit to?

5.  "I like that too."

Does he really?  If he likes what you like so much, notice whether he changes his interest once he gets to know you better.  Then call him out on what he supposedly has in common with you, "I thought you said you liked that too?"  Actors will say and do just about anything if they believe they can have sex with you.

6.  "I'm close to my family too."

How close?  Close enough that he would be understanding if you said, "Listen, I'm not interested in moving across the country with you while leaving my family behind.  Besides if you are so close to them, why would you want to move away from them?"  Men with a troubled childhood are rarely close to intermediate family no matter how much he fakes having a good time with relatives.

7.  "I believe in God."

If he believes in God as much as he claims, then ask him, "When was the last time you heard from God and actually did what he told you?"  To that, he might respond, "I said I believed in God, but I didn't say he talks to me."  A man who is indwelled with the Holy Ghost has a personal relationship with Christ and feels accountable to his creator.  Leave the Christian pretender alone if you are a sincere, born-again believer!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Spiritual Poems by Nicholl and many other books.  You can check out her practical advice videos on Youtube channel: nmenterprise7.

Lies of Manipulators in Relationships

They will justify their wrongs from using flawed statements to evil looks, manipulators, psychopaths, narcissists and the like hate those who expose their lies.  What you say is wrong and what they do is right.  They don't care that what they did hurt you.  You scream, yell, threaten, and may even shake them up a bit, and their reaction is unapologetic.

You can't trust cold-hearted men and women, they lie.  They will try to reason why it's okay to join a dating profile site while still in a relationship, it's okay to be married while seeking to be with someone else, and they will distort all things they know to be righteous for selfish gain.  They pretend to love, but they lust.  Why is "I love you" so difficult for them?  Because they know they don't mean it.  Why is showing appreciation of a partner and his or her endeavors such a challenge for them? Because they feel far more comfortable wallowing in negative emotions like jealousy.  For some manipulators, what they know is a learned behavior from parents/guardians that later morphed into a combination of who they are and what they had hoped to become.  To explain further, they already had an innate knowledge on getting others to do what they want (crying, whining, complaining, using silent treatment etc.) but had to still learn how to pretend to be that "nice" person-- the one who could attract admirers and loyal followers.  A wounded soul is easy prey for the manipulator.  They seek and also attract the lonely, desperate, confused, and naive.

For the evil-minded, the hollow soul, and the desperate for attention, they know nothing about love and will not practice what little they learn consistently.  Today they are hot for you, but tomorrow not so much.  If you are in the beginning stages of a relationship like this, work hard to disconnect from the manipulator before you are entangled in his or her web of deceit.  He or she tells fanciful stories, makes promises, persuades you to believe that he or she cares about you (and only you), but in reality he or she simply uses people for time and money.

Nicholl McGuire

Appreciation Goes a Long Way in Relationships

Are you showing appreciation to your partner when he or she gets in the car, walks in the door, or when you see him or her in public?  Appreciation goes a long way in relationships especially when the couple has recently experienced much negativity from outsiders.  "Is there anyone who loves/likes me?" a partner might secretly think.  "I just wish that someone would just show me that he or she cares?"  If you haven't been showing love lately, you just might.

What harm is it to say, "Thank you."  Does it take much effort to say, "Good morning, Good evening, Good night?"  For some troubled relationships, not only is a simple greeting to one another too much to handle, but even touching can be a bit difficult.  A couple who has resolved in hearts and minds that they just simply aren't compatible, don't like one another, and would rather be anywhere but with one each other is at a point of possibly no return unless they change their mindsets and choose to appreciate one another.  Think of it this way, if you can muster up a "Thank you" to a co-worker, despite not liking something he or she said or did the other day, why not do the same for someone that you love?  Appreciating one's loved one is just as important, if not more important, than someone you really don't know that well at work.

A birthday, anniversary, or some other holiday is a start on the right path of appreciating a lover.  But there are still many days in the year that one can say, "I love you...I need you...I want you...You are sweet, kind and a great lover when you want to be!--lol"  Whatever you choose to say to make your special someone feel loved, do it!  If you can make him or her laugh, why not?

Remember there are plenty of singles who could only wish to wrap their arms around someone and say, "I appreciate you."  Don't let your special someone get away, let he or she know you still want him or her.

Nicholl McGuire

Friday

Facebook: It's Not Complicated - You Aren't in Love Anymore

If you have ever selected the relationship status choice of "It's complicated" on Facebook or something similar on another website, you must know you are telling the world you have issues--lots of them and most likely you are responsible for at least 50% of them. 

Let's be honest, you aren't in love--that's not complicated.  You most likely never was especially if the female or male was nothing more than a rebound during a down moment in your life--possibly in like, but in love?  Yet, we all have fallen for that new person (notice I didn't say love) who seems to show up and show out in our lives when we least expect it.  Knowing full well, the "okay" guy or "alright girl" should have been nothing more than an acquaintance at the time, yet we agreed to a relationship built on one maybe two great dates (sigh).  Before long, that supposedly temporary distraction is coming over your home sticking his or her personal items in your bathroom and hanging his or her clothes in your closet--huh?

No, my friend, it's not complicated, it's crazy!  What were you thinking getting involved with someone for his or her beauty, sex, money, connections, or some other thing that really means nothing now!  Whatever Complicated Partner told you to get and keep you from all the other available guys or gals that had their eyes on you, turned out to be an exaggeration or lie and you fell for it!  It was only a matter of time that you felt disheartened, you started questioning yourself, "What did I get myself into?"  My question to you today is, "When will you get yourself out of your complicated mess?" 

Why use an "It's complicated" status to draw someone like you to you in a similar miserable relationship (you know misery loves company), switch that option back to "In a relationship" then work to officially get out or better yet, send a clear message by selecting single, but be prepared for the backlash. 

Nicholl McGuire 

On Dating: Character Flaws in that Special Someone

When we start dating or committing to one person, we sometimes fail at allowing ourselves to see the not-so appealing qualities in our special mate. We don't want to see that there is something wrong with him or her since it may have taken so long to finally find a partner. I can tell you from personal experience, that when we allow ourselves to focus only on the good while turning a blind eye on the bad for fear that we might disrupt that warm and fuzzy feeling inside our gut, we are headed for some trouble early on in the relationship!

The reality is that we must connect with a mate not so much for his or her great qualities, but for this person's not so great ones too! The following is a list of things you may want to consider when dating or remaining in a relationship with someone. You should be asking yourself this question, which personality challenges can I live with and which ones can I not? You see every person in the world has some, if not all, of these character issues at some point in their lives.  You will have to determine if you have the perseverance to love forever and always in sickness and in health until death do you part.

Pessimistic, Fatalistic, Grudging
Optimistic hate being around people like this.  They become frustrated with having to make all the plans to go places.  They find themselves lying about their partner's frowns to family and friends.  These people always have something negative to say about people, places and things.

Jealous, Possessive, Greedy
They are easily irritated when you talk to others.  They think they "own" you.  What they have is never good enough, they always want more.  They spend far more than they earn in an effort to be happy.

Compulsive, Obsessive, Resentful
They feel driven to do something even when they shouldn't or the signs are on the wall.  They have to get this done, do that, and create routines for themselves that are not easily broken or changed.  They might even say, "I am obsessed with...I just love buying...I have to get this done..."  They aren't happy for others and simply don't know how to let offenses go.

Indecisive, Gullible, Self-indulgent
They never know what they want for themselves or others.  They fall into traps and are easily swindled into joining groups, buying things etc.  They love buying for self, doing for self, always making sure that self comes first even when self doesn't always need to come first.

Always tense, Superficial, Inconsistent
Everything needs to be pondered deeply.  They often think someone is up to something or has a hidden agenda.  They talk intense.  They have their own take on what they believe something to be even when their perception is inaccurate.  They are never consistent about thoughts, habits, ideals, etc.  You never know what a day might bring when in the presence of this person.

Selfishness, Quick Tempered, Impulsive
They don't like sharing.  They feel inconvenienced if you ask them to do something.  They are often in trouble because of the tone of their voice.  They react pre-maturely over situations that typically don't need any major response. These people are big spenders too and do their shopping without thinking such as getting too much of something, not enough of something else, while forgetting what you need the most. 

Moody, Overemotional, Clingy
You find yourself having to ask often, "Are you okay?  Is everything alright?" with the moody person.  They cry easily, get angry quickly, and just tend to be over-the-top about the littlest of things.  They also attach themselves to you--always wanting to be close to you, touch you, or go places with you.

Overcritical, Fussy, Worrier
You most likely work with people like this, just imagine taking them home with you?  You can never do anything right with these folks.  They have to tell you how things are done and if you don't do it right they will tell you everything that is wrong with you.  They talk negatively about people often and may even laugh a lot about others' weaknesses.  They are also very concerned about things that hasn't happened yet and may never happen.  They keep bringing the same issues to you even after some things have been dealt with.

Idealistic, Weak-willed, Easily led
They have many ideas, plans, visions, and associations.  It doesn't take much to convince them to go along with a program that may or may not be good for them.  They enjoy abusing substances.

Annoyingly optimistic, Careless, Superficial
No matter what wrong happens in their world, those optimists will tell you to, "Look on the bright side..." Its as if they use bright, cheery statements to cut you off.  Many won't let you tell them anything negative before digressing.  They tend to be nervous and aren't often careful in what they say and do when they are in a bad mood or not don't so well.  They also think that having the best things, best appearance, best whatever makes them better than others.  They think more of those who have much than those who have little.

Detached, Perverse, Unpredictable
They never seem to connect with others.  They say and do strange things.  You never know what to expect from them.  Something is just not right in their minds and sometimes they don't mind telling you so.

If you have associated your partner with any of the previously mentioned character flaws, then you know what you are getting yourself into if you are considering marrying this individual one day. Now go through the list and figure out which ones are your character flaws? Is your partner showing any signs that he or she cannot handle being with you because of your personality challenges such as: ignoring you, acting rudely, giving you the run-around about spending time with you, saving money for personal goals while not helping you, etc.? 

Save yourself some grief, connect with someone who can put up with you!  But if you have already found her/him, keep that person!

Nicholl McGuire

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