Saturday

5 Things Dates Do that Kill Romance Early On

It isn't any wonder why many romantic relationships don't last.  There are some things that dates do early on that cause much distress later simply because they just can't be honest.  From lying about their age to who they know, some daters will never make a quality connection because they are more concerned about playing a selfish actor's role than being a truly loveable human being capable of giving and receiving love.  So what do some of these people do that kill romantic interest as soon as they get someone's attention?

1.  They lie.

Some manipulators assume that lies will never be found out.  They reason, "It's okay...she won't ever know...how could he find out, it's not like he knows my family and friends?"  But the Internet as well as busybody people offline have a way of revealing truth sooner or later. Therefore, one shouldn't be so confident that a lie won't come to light especially after having one too many drinks.

2.  They are dating too many people at the same time.

No one wants to feel like they are one of five plus people in a woman's or man's group of dates.  So when romantic feelings start to arise, it can be difficult to be trusting when one is dating many others.  Some dates feel cheated when they start to notice that a partner's attention span is on everyone else, but them.  Don't wonder why the romantic interest is over before it even started.  You might want to ignore your cell phone while on a date, keep your eyes focused on your potential lover, and stop surfing those dating and social networking sites while a date has your interest.  Get to know the person who is seated in front of you.

3.  They don't offer their dates any assistance when issues come up.

What good is a friend if he or she is not willing to help in times of need?  From needing a ride to work to borrowing money, a date will have issues and when one doesn't bother stepping up to the plate (when all other methods have been exhausted,) how long do you think he/she will be around?

4.  They exaggerate their lifestyles, connections and material wealth.

When a date finds out that a friend doesn't really have the connections that he/she claims, isn't the least bit wealthy, and lives terribly, why wouldn't he or she be angry?  No one wants to be sold a bag of goods only to find out later there is nothing in that bag.  So the song goes, "I can do bad all by myself..."

5.  They make promises and don't keep them.

You might recall a time when someone promised to do something for you and never came through.  Well when someone who is romantically interested in you says he or she is going to assist/spend/plan or do something else for you and never does, how would that make you feel?  Most people don't keep people in their inner circle who don't keep their word.

Now that you have five date killers, be sure that you take the time to think before you speak or write to a date about what you can do for him/her, how much you love/care for this person, etc. because as soon as you don't do your part, the disputes, accusations, and anger will come.

Nicholl McGuire

Abuse in Relationships: gaslighting (ambient), overt, covert, by proxy


Lukewarm Christians - What does your relationship with God look like? Part 3-3


The Character of a Womanizer - He Doesn't Love - He Lies


Monday

Deceptive Lovers: How They Can Drive You Crazy

There are people in this world that simply could care less about others.  They lie, connive, abuse, and do other things that mentally and/or physically break down others.  They are uncaring and seem to only react when negative things occur to them.  They are unavailable to advise, assist those in need, and would prefer to be alone most of the time.  Although many individuals are aware of how negative they can be when dealing with others, there is still an innate need to want to be loved.  Mean-spirited people associate love with sex and desire "obedient" or "loyal" companions that will do more listening than talking to them.

Deceptive lovers dress well or poorly, they can be beautiful or ugly.  They can have many interests or few.  They can be kind at times or ruthless.  Some things they do that drive those they claim to love include:

1.  Accuse you of misunderstanding a story, thought or request.

A tricky person doesn't want you to ever know the full truth about them so they will withhold information or converse in ways that are vague.  This way when you question them on things they can say, "You were mistaken...that's not how long I said I will be there...You are confused, what I said was..."  Even though the evidence and proof is everywhere to be seen, they will attempt to convince you that you are wrong.

2.  Lie about his or her whereabouts.

When someone is acting mischievously, they will not tell the truth.  So is the case of a cheating lover, lying friend, or crazy spouse.  They never want you to be two steps ahead of them, so once again, they will withhold information, make up a story, or create a situation that looks like the truth or comes close to it, but really is not.

3.  Label you as "immature," "ignorant," "insecure," "stupid," and other choice negative names depending on the mood and situation so as to appear better than you.

When one is trying to appear as if he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right, this person will keep up the act even during a dispute.  However, when one's weakness is being controlling, argumentative, or something else similar, it won't be long before who you thought was Mr. Right or Ms. Right is really Wrong.  Every couple will have disputes, but not every couple name-calls, chokes, kicks, bites, curses, yells, pushes, or makes threats to hurt the other.

These are only three ways a deceptive lover will drive you crazy, but there are many others such as:
  • Steal from you while making you think you misplaced something.
  • Stalk you, but later claim he or she was no where in the area.
  • Claim he or she supports you (usually in front of others) when it comes to things like:  new job, project, parenting, etc., but then criticizes you often while rarely saying anything supportive.
  • Pretend like he or she is in love with you while touching you publicly or bragging about you to others, but behind closed doors wish to end the relationship when he or she feels you no longer are good for him or her i.e.) finances, status, connections, etc.
Plan your escape from someone like this.  It may take days, months, or even years, but try hard to maintain your sanity through the exit process.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.  See her blog here.

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