When the Ex Says He Still Misses, Loves You

The conversation is going well.  Feelings are warm and before long comments about still liking or loving you begin to surface.  For some of you, you don't know what to do when an ex does this.  Others grow cold and rush to end the conversation.  Then there are others who welcome to the chat and are struggling with all sorts of emotions. 

You really didn't want to hear how an ex feels, and you think, "If he loved me so much he would have never..."  So what do you do?  Some things to think about when talking to exes who miss or still love you.

1.  Always best not to respond.  You say something it might come out wrong especially if you are in a relationship with someone else.  Keep in mind feels of nostalgia, those good ole day moments, are temporal.  Back to reality, remind yourself, "He is a liar, he cheated...he is boring, a jerk...I couldn't wait to get away from him, so why would I even think about a future with him?"

2.  He hopes you will share how you feel, don't do it.  For some men, they aren't interested in a relationship, they just want to feel wanted at least for the time-being and if they can get some sex, they will try hopefully with no strings attached.  A wounded ego drives a man that may have had a hard day with a woman he is dating or currently married to, so an exe that can make him feel good with her voice, body or kind words is a nice stroke to his self-esteem.

3.  Don't open the door and he won't be able to walk in.  If you welcome an ex or any man's charm into your life, then his body is sure to follow.  Stop caring so much about him, being inviting and desiring his affection, and offering your thoughts and body to the ex.  How are you going to move on with your life when you play mind games with yourself and him?  Many women break up with men for good reasons, but then forget when they too become lonely, sexually frustrated, or need some kind of help.  It is never too late to stop those friendly conversations, touching, and visiting with the ex.  Do it before you get hurt again!

4.  He will promise never to hurt you again if you just give him one more chance.  An ex will claim a lot of things when you are on his mind and things aren't going so well for him in his life.  Don't believe the hype!  Once the "I'm missing you" feelings fade away, it will be back to what drove you two apart in the first place.  Jog your memory again.  Think about the bad times.

Here are some things to do to stay out of a lonely, miserable ex's trap:

1.  Shut your trap!  That means your mouth and your you know what!
2.  Avoid reminiscing about those good times.
3.  Don't answer questions about feelings or respond to comments about how you make him feel.
4.  Don't provide personal details about your current life especially involving a new mate.
5.  Your ex might share some things about his life to entice you to say something.  Remember he knows some aspects about your personality and he will try to trigger emotions like: jealousy, sexual desire, need, hope, love, and more.  End the conversation, "Well, I got to go...nice talking...Take care."
6.  Shorten your time with him over the phone or in-person.  Also, keep in mind you never know who is watching or listening, so if you don't want rumors started, avoid long discussions with an ex.
7.  When children are involved, contact them not him.  Ask to speak to them.  If need be, get them a cell phone so that you can call them directly.  If he starts talking to you, remain quiet include a few "oh, huh,", and then go back to your request to speak to children.  If you need to know certain things about your son or daughter, stick to the topic at hand.  He knows that is what you are aiming to do so he just might say some things to anger you just to keep you on the phone longer or in his presence.  Don't fall for it!  Always have something to do.  "Well, thanks so much for letting me speak to the kids...I have a lot to do, so I'm going to have to go...bye."

As tempting as it might be to talk to an ex about mutual friends, family and other people you know and common interests, avoid the discussion.  Also, consider that one day a partner will share how he or she feels uncomfortable with how you communicate with an ex.  You can be friendly about matters related to children or business, but anything outside of that will result in future conflict.  If you still want a relationship with an ex, none of this applies.  Just remember why you two broke up and let that be the determining factor on whether you should reconnect with him or let him go for good.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


What Are You Willing to Do to Have a Healthy Relationship?

Some people claim they want better relationships, yet they want to live their lives selfishly without giving a thought about partners' feelings.  They expect mates will always agree with them.  They falsely believe they are "good" men and women.  They also deceive themselves into thinking now that they are engaged or married that partners will always be around.  Healthy relationships require effort.  One who is unwilling to do too much of anything, other than to sail along in a relationship, will end up losing.  You can't put a relationship on cruise control or set it or forget it like a kitchen gadget.  It really does take two to make things work!

1.  Stop thinking and comparing your past to a current mate.

The more you think about "I wish...I wonder if he/she is thinking about me...What went wrong with XYZ?  I sure wish things would have been different."  All of this wishful thinking will play a part in your current relationship even if a partner has no clue that is what you are thinking.  Also, be careful of the entertainment you are selecting, because that will expose you!  A musician singing about "Do I ever cross your mind..." talk shows about wanting exes back, or a movie about how to get an ex back are dead giveaways!

2.  Keep away from distractions that will only cause problems in your relationship.

We know there is always one, two or three or more that will call out of the blue, send an email or a text.  Don't let your communication disturb your intimate connection with a current partner because it will!  Alcohol and substance abuse are relationship killers.  So is cheating, lying, financial challenges, unwanted babies, and more.  If things are going well, it is always best not to add to relationship burdens. 

3.  Avoid getting your relatives and friends involved with your relationship challenges.

Male and female friends who have nothing better to do with their time, but to be in your personal business will also get you in trouble sooner or later.  Busybody relatives with negative opinions, so-called helpful advice or unhealthy teachings about all things related to relationships will eventually wear on you.  Before you know it, you are separated, divorced, and/or lonely.  Keep in mind, Misery loves company!

4.  Don't be tempted to make children so important that you forget about your partner.

One thing that many new couples overlook is just how challenging raising children can be.  A relationship is never the same once babies show up.  The mother's personality will change and so will her body.  Men don't always look or act the same either.  Parents who tend to coddle children will usually ignore one another.  They also tend to put children on pedestals while demonizing partners.  Throw in controlling grandparents into the mix and there will be problems!  Put your parenting in check and remember children will grow up and live their own lives and what will you and a partner do then if there was mistreatment going on in the relationship all those years?

5.  Jobs come and go, so why spend so much time at one that you don't see your family?

The money blinds so many workers in relationships.  Families end up breaking up because someone doesn't know when to shut down a computer, shut up at work, shut off a cell phone, and more.  Consider this, who will be there when the boss one day calls you into his office and says, "We no longer need your service...We have to lay off employees...I'm sorry to inform you..."

6.  Think about ways you can be more kind, helpful, and appreciative of your partner. 

Your loved one can leave the relationship without a moment's notice, always remember that.  No one is required to stay in a loveless relationship including those who believe in the Almighty, even God will not co-sign on foolishness! 

It might appear like a partner is okay with frequent impatience, ignoring, ugly ways, and more, but the reality is that one day, he or she will say, "Enough is enough!"  Some used and abused partners haven't considered divorcing miserable mates, but they will die one day from constant stress.  Think about those in your own family who endured much from partners and are now resting in peace.

Do what you can to make the most of your relationship, this way if it does come to an end, at least you did the best you can.  A healthy relationship is possible so why not put in the effort to maintain it like you would a house, car, and a job?

Nicholl McGuire provides spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


On Relationship Issues: Do You Want to Go Home Tonight?

It can become increasingly difficult to come home when trouble is there.  You wish to be anywhere else than with a partner who is showing all signs that he or she is falling out of love with you.  Some bitter partners resent those keys turning locks while secretly wishing that soon-to-be exes would get gone sooner rather than later.

If anyone told you that they have been in worse and "don't worry about it, things get easier..." they obviously have a higher tolerance for upset than you when it comes to his or her own relationship.  Sure, things are easy when you have grown accustomed to the flaws of another human being, but when you aren't in that frame of mind where you are ready to settle with the idea that a partner is wild, crazy, rude, mean, cold, etc. it can be hard to want to stick it out.  In addition, you will have to reach a level of maturity in your relationship that has been long-suffering for years (not months) and be willing to accept the good, bad and ugly with someone while refusing to control or change that person--this is a feat!  When you often watch media that tells you how relationships should look and when you read about what comprises a good relationship and compare it to your own, it can be disheartening.  The good news is that most relationships don't look anything like what the movies portray.

Relationship reality doesn't typically have couples holding hands while walking to the store or kissing passionately waiting for service at an event; instead, most don't touch or talk much to one another.  They are typically busy working, getting ready for work, tending to basic needs, and preparing to go to bed usually with no sex.  Take a look at relationship polls around the web and you will realize just how normal your relationship is as compared to others.  There are up days and down days and those in between where not much happens and it is all okay.  The couples get through the storms and life goes on.

Now there are those relationships where coming home tonight will bring unwanted issues.  Some will scream, fight, threaten, and do other things.  These people, who worry much about a partner's potential meltdown, have cause for concern.  They don't want to come home, but do anyway.  It isn't until they no longer want to face another day of physical and mental abuse that they will stop returning.  See

If you often feel like you don't want to come home, do the following:

1.  Self-reflect on why this is.  Does your partner say and do things that make it hard to forgive him or her?  Do you like the environment?  Could you be confusing what you are feeling about the partner with the community and building that you are living in?
2.  Be prepared to discuss your feelings and observations with your partner in a way that isn't critical of him or her.  You want this person to really hear you and this won't happen if you approach the him or her in a way that is combative and judgmental.
3.  Ask your partner to share his or her personal observations about you when you come home from work and how does what you do and say make him or her feel?  Although this is difficult to hear, it will help in the process of making some changes if you and your partner are willing.
3.  Do what you can to bring peace to your home.  You live there too; therefore, whatever you can do to make yourself look forward to coming home do it!  Don't assume your partner will always be available and do the things you want to make you happy.  Remember you are responsible for your own happiness!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


New Relationship Arguments, Problems: Housing, Food, Job Woes

A Love Letter to Singles - Happy Valentine's Day

Dear Singles:

I would like to thank you for being who you are, single and content with discovering more about you rather than getting married, having babies, and looking for yet another person to bed.

To those who are grateful for your alone time, may God bless you!  Value the peace of going home, lying in a bed alone, reflecting in your bathroom mirror without interruption, and staying in there for as long as you want.  Enjoy those times you cook for yourself, shop for what you want, and go to work without feeling like there is someone at home disappointed with you for one reason or another.

I know you have noticed those couples who walk by holding hands, appearing to be happy, and comfortable with one another, but those moments are few for many.  Days prior, many quarreled, paid someone, and even prayed to have that much needed time to be together.

There are bills, children, in-laws, work responsibilities, and more that are in those hands that they hold.  Death of loved ones, past cheating, lying, accidents, relocation, and the birth of children bring tears to eyes when witnesses think it is nothing more than tears of joy.

One doesn't truly know what he or she is asking for when the prayer goes up for a mate.  You are saying, "Yes" to the person and all that comes with him or her.  You are saying you are ready to weather the storm.  You are choosing to love and care for someone for the rest of your life which might include loving and caring for in-laws too.

Love your singleness and embrace you!  Find the satisfaction of being alone and recognize the fact that if you have been trying to find your match for years, that there is the possibility you have been divinely set aside or set apart to live your life differently.  A mate doesn't complete you.  He or she is a mere extension to your life's journey, another person who needs what you need.  Then in time this person goes away by choice or by death.  Then you are once again single.

Enjoy freedom, walk in love, guard your heart, and most of all enjoy peace in being single.

Nicholl McGuire

Sharing spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7


Too Busy to Find and Keep Love

Working singles, career minded moms, busy divorced dads, you name it and someone somewhere on an Internet dating website is too involved with life to connect with people offline, so he or she believes that logging on is much easier to connect with fellow singles than attempting to find someone to date offline.  But the underlying issue remains when it comes to being too busy to do this or that.  It will come back to reveal itself sooner or later in a relationship.

For many singles, as well as new couples, they make the time getting to know their love interests, but for how long will they keep the act up?  If you didn't have much time to connect with someone offline, how much time will you have to connect online and keep connecting long after the first meeting?

The issue of busyness has destroyed many relationships.  A couple that once knew how to sit down, look at one another during conversation, and nurture the relationship, eventually burns out.  Then what?  Excuses are made.  "I'm sorry, I'm too busy to...I know you want me to talk with you more and go places together, but can't you see I'm busy?"  In time, familiarity breeds contempt and now all some have time for is two to 10 minutes of sex, a one to two hour long show, and a sixty second text conversation.  And then someone in the relationship has the audacity to say, "What happened to us?  I'm so bored...things isn't like they use to be!"

Just like it took making some sacrificing of time and energy to get that woman or man interested in one's mind, body and spirit, it will take the same amount of time and energy (if not more) to keep him or her.  How bad do you want to keep love alive?

Something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire is on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.
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