Why Some Older Women Don't Bother with Younger Men

He may not have had much luck with the women his own age. They noticed that he acts very immature, crazy, even weird and he just doesn’t have anything that makes women his own age want to be with him. He knows this truth about himself and so that is why some older men target younger women. They most likely have been told by some women their own age that they “need to grow up! Be a man! Stop acting like a boy!” Now you have this “boy” man interested in you. You almost wish you could be a fly on a wall to find out why so many women rejected this nice-looking loser who is now interested in you. Well with this article you are going to be that fly on the wall, because I am going to tell you why older women don’t bother with some of these older “boy” men who appear to be catches to younger women.


For purposes of this article we will first define what a “boy” man is. A boy man is a man who has yet to think and act in ways that a mature man would. For instance, a grown man’s priorities would be his wife, children, job pay bills, etc. A boy man his priorities would be playing computer/video games, going to the gym to work out, hanging out often with his friends, and having a few women he calls every now and then for sex. Children he may have had in a previous relationship are not high on his priority list, doing a good job at work is not a major concern, and the list goes on. When a grown man faces opposition he creates a plan and finds a solution to his dilemma, but when a boy man has a problem he cries out to anyone who will listen and hope the problem magically disappears. That is why many boy men have bad credit, when the letter shows up in the mail, rather than get on the phone and pay the bill, he throws it away. Boy men usually rely on the women in their lives to talk for them, run errands for them, pay bills, assist them whenever something comes up, and so much more. Older women who are mature don’t bother with boy men. But younger women, who don’t know any better, will take up time with them.

Wise older women know that they aren’t easy catches for men and boy men know they don’t have a chance. However, younger women desperate for a father figure, in need of money, or just desire to have a man will allow a boy man to come into her life and sweep her off her feet at least temporarily. However, in time a boy man will expect her to take her independent wages and fund a trip for the two of them; use her car to drive him around, and her knowledge and contacts to help him get ahead. These older boy men are very knowledgeable about women because they are usually raised by women. So they know most women’s weaknesses and will use them to get what they want.

Some younger women are very inexperienced about life and may not bother to think about these kinds of men especially if they had no men around them to teach them about these boy men. There is nothing wrong with these men if you don’t mind being the man in the relationship and taking the lead, but if you want to be the woman and he wants to be the woman too then you are going to have problems. Boy men are very much like women and that is why some women will resort to calling them that b-word. They want attention, love, admiration and other things in the way that women receive it. Some of them will tell you, “I want to be wined and dined too!” What older woman in her right mind would be bothered with this? Since older women tend to be set in their ways and aren’t interested in learning any new tricks, boy men will gravitate to younger women who have more energy to put up with their mental and physical games.

When wise older women see boy men approaching them, they don’ give in to their flattery and joke with them. They usually ignore them, act professional, or challenge them to see where their heads are at. They know that the response they will get from a boy man will usually be childish and real women seeking real men don’t have time for boys.

By Nicholl McGuire

He's Emotionally Cheating: What You Can Do About It

You may suspect your husband, fiancé, or boyfriend is emotionally and/or physically cheating. Hurt by your discoveries, you may think that exposing him and fleeing is the only way to cope. However, you know the timing isn't right and besides, you still love this man very much! So what do you do to get your man to pay attention to you in a way that doesn't compromise who you are as a woman and most of all a spiritual being?

One. Don't focus on the other woman.

You found out some shocking information about your man and now you are focusing on the other woman. You may be looking for a name, address, phone number and anything else you can dig up on this woman! However, while you are doing your detective work, this person of interest is thinking of the next thing she would like to do to impress your man! Sometimes committed women falsely jump to conclusions that a man is having sex with a woman outside of a relationship when he really is not! When this happens, a man feels like his woman doesn't trust him; therefore, his mind begins to wander more. There is still time to put your attention on where it belongs (your man) before he does something he will regret.

Two. Ignore what single women who have no man tell you.

Only a fool with a drug problem would consider going to someone who has never had a drug problem for advice, so why do women go to women for advice who have never married, ran a household, always in conflict with their own men, or spend so much time in the church that they can't see straight when they come out! Don't listen to women who have not been where you are presently! (FYI I have been there and in a relationship that's why I can write this article.)

Three. Avoid the temptation to do more snooping.

Assuming that you already did some detective work, don't do anymore! Snooping is like playing the lottery; you will keep playing until you win the jackpot! Before long, it becomes addicting. You start questioning every action, "Where were you? How long does it take to get there? How come you are just now arriving? Where did that mark on your neck come from? Who was that woman you were talking to?" 

The man may have been guilty of taking a phone number, flirting with someone online, or even riding in a woman's car; however, he may not have done anything yet, but if you keep at him, he might give into the temptation just because, he reasons, "She didn't believe me anyway when I told her the truth, why not?"

Snooping can wreck havoc on your personal life. You may find yourself using valuable work time surfing for the latest software to bust him, consulting with relatives and friends on ways to catch him, reading books and watching shows on "How to Catch a Cheater." Before long, you are spending money that could be better used on yourself, children and/or household. You will also find snooping creates headaches, stomach aches, and other health disturbances, because you are constantly creating stress for yourself with every discovery. Where does anger go after yet another piece of evidence is found? The answer: to your health. When you are sickly, you won't be able to partake in satisfying intimacy which will give him yet another excuse to look for someone who can.

Four. Think of the things you have done to cause friction in the relationship, and the things you haven't.

There's always two sides to every story. What's your story? Where did you go wrong? Where didn't you go wrong? How will you make wrongs right? What does he have to do to help you heal? Take that trusted paper and pen out and start outlining the good, the bad and the ugly about your relationship. Once you complete your outline, make time to discuss it with your mate. Try not to lose control when sharing your thoughts with your mate such as: yell, call names, bring up past examples (an arm's length long,) etc.; instead, do your best to communicate effectively how his behavior is affecting you, but at the same time be honest about your faults.

Five. Apologize.

You know what you did or didn't do. Secretly, you may have wished for a better man. You may have badmouthed him to your relatives. Maybe you got involved with him knowing full well he was a player. Apologize for your action by saying something like, "I apologize for trying to make you commit to me when you obviously aren't ready." 

You may have realized, as you think about the past, that you dropped the ball so tell your man something like, "I apologize for not giving you what you need...I apologize for ignoring you and putting my______________before this relationship."

Six. Pray to the one who has blessed you in the past.

Those of you who claim to be spiritual know better! You know from a spiritual perspective that surprising things can happen to bring you unexplained peace in every situation! So why aren't you fasting and praying fervently? You are powerful when you are connected spiritually to something greater than man or woman. You should be watching for miraculous occurrences daily and giving your Creator all the praise when you see His will being done! Is God's will always nice, wonderful and great? Not in our eyes, but when life's storms pass, things gradually get better—believe it! Both good and bad situations are used to help elevate self and others. (My own past heartaches are what gives me the motivation to write this piece as well as others. Talk about using what was meant for evil for good!)

Seven. Surround yourself around positive people and things.

Listening to music and watching television dramas that doesn't uplift relationships will not uplift yours! Talking to people who are not happy in their relationships will not make you happy. Going places where sad people hang out, will not give you the motivation to want to work on your own relationship when you too are feeling sad. You will have to seek out the types of media designed to help not hurt you or your significant. As we all know, there are a lot of people wounded, jealous, and bitter trying to help others. However, what they are really doing is destroying whatever little positive remaining in some relationships that could very well be saved if only they had kept their ugliness to themselves!

Eight. Stop talking to others about your private life.

Relatives and friends are tricky when it comes to sharing your problems. Their advice on any given day can be kind, supportive, rude or ignorant-- it just depends on their mood. Chances are they may have already formed an opinion about you and your relationship woes behind your back. "She never seems to keep a man...She always got problems...Her man should have cheated on her! Look at how she acts! If I was her, I would just pack my bags...That's why I told her to take it slow...I'm glad I don't have a man!...I have a good relationship, it's obvious she learned nothing from me!" Unless you enjoy being on the front page news of family gossip, don't share anything else with them! When loved ones ask, "How are you and 'What's his name'?" You say, "We are as good as can be. How's your relationship?" They will want to try to get more information, but you just stick to one word answers or ask to talk about something else. Who cares what they will go back and tell someone? You are reclaiming your power when you refuse to share every aspect of your private life with gossip lovers! Your life, your decisions—others should butt out!

Nine. Change up routines.

Your mate will expect you to keep doing the same ole' things you always do. Surprise him! Start tending to your appearance, staying up later on some nights, going to bed earlier on other nights, take a friend up on an offer to go out, break from a hobby, take the children out on Friday rather than Saturday, go along for more rides with your partner, etc. He should never know so much about you to the point that he can almost predict what day you will be taking off from work, when you will be taking the children out, and how much time you will be away shopping.

Ten. Spend more time with your man by suggesting some fun things to do.

While you are making doctor's appointments, you should also be including some together time. If you don't have the expenses right now to date and don't trust a sitter for your children, then avoid making up some reason why you can't date your man, learn to put the children to bed early and use that time to watch a favorite movie, play a game, converse with him, show off a work project, or do something with your man that you haven't done in awhile even if it's only a mere household project or some fun playtime in the bedroom! 

Eleven. Review your current schedule and make more free time for your partner.

You may be one of those women who may have everything you do planned from morning to night, but is there room for improvement? Could you make some exceptions, adjustments, cancellations, etc.? Why wait for your mate to explode in anger before you will adjust your schedule? Why worry over another woman when you have your man sitting right in front of you? If you aren't ready to leave, then what can you do to help yourself and your relationship? Post a note somewhere in your home reminding you of the things you could do on your end to enhance your relationship. Be like the little engine that could, "I think I can, I think I can..." until you convince yourself "I know I can" then put some action behind your belief!

From the children to the job, there are distractions—lots of them! Chances are your man may have alluded to those things that bother him about your schedule. Think about how much time you are doing the following things on any given day: working at the office, caring for others, talking on the phone, surfing the Internet, cleaning and organizing house, and/or shopping. When some men cheat, they are calling out to their wives or girlfriends for attention. 

Twelve. Get in touch with who you are as a woman! 

So often women can read who they are as a mother like the back of their hands, but when one sits down and questions their needs simply as a woman, they are digressing. They start off talking about what they want in life, what they will and will not stand for when it comes to personal and professional relationships, and of course the ever-popular subject of childhood wounds, but before long, they are back to talking about "my children" and "what I want for my children" as if their offspring defines who they are as women.

A woman that doesn't know whether she wants to be single or married, a mother or childless, employed or unemployed, relocate or stay in her current state, go to school or work from home, will drive any man crazy and ultimately away from her! A double-minded woman is unstable in all her ways (this is a statement re-phrased from the Bible typically referring to a double-minded man.)

Think of how many times you changed your script in life and how many times you got a team of people to rally behind you, only to change your mind yet again! A "real" man who knows what he wants out of life, will not wait for a girl who doesn't know what she wants. She is nothing more than a play-thing, a trophy, or a child for him. We all know what happens to trophies, they eventually sit on shelves and collect dust, get packed away, given away or destroyed.

You have the knowledge deep down inside of you to do what you feel is right! Begin by making an effort to bring your man closer to you and hopefully, he will draw nearer by your example.

Wise women know they can't make a man do everything she wants no matter how much advice she receives from others, it's just not possible! If she insists on having it her way, then she becomes more like a parent;rather than a mate. So when a crisis hits your relationship, the intelligent thing to do, is look at the circumstances and see what you can do to help mediate the situation. There are those women who don't want to work on anything when it comes to a problematic relationship; rather, they enjoy playing the blame game, just like there are those men who prefer to sleep with the next sexy thing that comes along; instead of trying to make it work with the one they claim to love. 

When you have real emotions for an individual that can't easily turn on and off and have children and material possessions between you, the desire to want to make things work, overrides the desire to want to leave. Therefore, ignore those voices that say, "If I were you I would..." Well they aren't you and chances are, they have regretted some of the decisions they have made because they were too quick, too stubborn, too mean, too spiritual or too something else to stick around. Instead, you should be asking, "What is the best that I can do for myself, him and the children?" Once you know the answers and have tried everything, you will be able to walk away in peace, but if you don't do what is in your power to do, you will have regrets.

Nicholl McGuire

Women: How to Know Whether a Man Wants You for Sex Only

Feeling like these days your body is good for nothing by a little bedtime roll? Would you like to know that he expects more from you besides sex? Pay attention to the following signs and you just might realize that your new date may be temporary.

1. He avoids talking to you about anything serious.

2. He doesn’t seem to be listening when you are sharing details about your life.

3. He prefers dates in private rather than in public.

4. He can’t keep his eyes off of certain parts of your anatomy.

5. He compliments you a lot on your appearance.

6. He often shares his sexual fantasies with you.

7. He encourages you to lie to people you know so that you can spend more time with him (sexually of course.)

8. He isn’t interested in meeting your family and doesn’t seem to care whether you want to meet his.

9. He talks often about you meeting his friends (for nothing more than show.) You see them one or two times and never again.

10. He puts off conversations about commitment.

By Nicholl McGuire

Relocating After Living Together: How to Move On Once You Know He Doesn’t Love You in Six Steps

After all of the crying, fussing, screaming, and adult talk, you have finally awakened to a reality that is hard to swallow, he doesn’t love you. So what steps do you take to move on with your life while still living with him? Further, what if you have no support system or the one you do have lives over 3000 miles away? Those questions are answered in the following plan that is created to help you make it on your own without him.

So what is the first step you take? Think of where you want to go and who might live in the city you choose that could possibly help you. From a MySpace acquaintance to a long lost cousin, if you can have at least one person who could possibly help you get your foot in a door or two, that may be hard for you to do on your own, would eliminate some of your stress. If you still can’t think of anyone, then conduct research using the words “human service agencies” in the city you are thinking of moving to, these organizations can be very helpful to people in similar situations as yourself. You will also need to know approximately when you plan on moving out. If you follow this plan, depending on how much money you have already saved, you will be out within weeks. However, if you have no money it may be months. If you find that you are pressed for time to move out and nowhere to go, then those human service agencies I mentioned earlier will direct you to a shelter if need be.

Money

Evaluate what money you already have available to you including credit cards. Be sure to look around your apartment to find any items that you no longer use or want that can be sold. In addition, you will not want to rely on your current job or business venture as your sole source of income, but you may have to post some fliers around the neighborhood letting people know of a service you may be able to offer them on a part-time basis. For instance, let's say you are capable of watching children, why not offer to babysit a few hours during the week? You may have a degree from college that you haven't put to good use, put your name on the flyer along with your educational background and tell people what you may be able to do to help them. If you have time to consult people on a problem for say, $50 or more an hour—do it. Maybe you can spare 30 minutes each day to write until you have a complete report that you can sell on Clickbank or an auction site like EBay; however, keep in mind that it has to be a physical product if you sell it on EBay, they no longer accept digital downloads. Visit links attached to the resource section of this article, check out videos people have made on this site as well as YouTube on making money from home, conduct an Internet search for more money making ideas by using search terms such as virtual income, home income, freelance, telecommuting, etc. and visit your local library. Try to find the opportunities that you don’t have to pay anything to join and who will pay you through PayPal. You won’t want any paper money being sent to you while you are trying to move.

The second step is to save money. Total up all of the money on a weekly basis that you are able to save. Don't buy anything you don't need and put generosity on hold during this time in your life. This is the time to start harvesting the seeds you have sown when others had problems and nonprofit organizations and schools asked you for a donation, now it's time for you to collect. If you have participated in any program or did anything in the past that you have yet to see any promised money for then get on the phone and start asking about your money (this includes family and friends who borrowed from you.) Let them know briefly what changes you will be making in your personal life, but whatever you do, try not to stay on the phone talking negatively about the one who broke your heart. When you spend more time bad-mouthing and less time working toward your goals you end up procrastinating. People who sincerely care for you will offer to help you in any way they can, so don't be prideful and tell them, "No thank you." Then they will say, "Are you sure?" Meanwhile, you will be thinking, "I really do need some help." This is a time to put your so-called loving family and friends to the test, so test them!

Third, you now have an idea of how much money you have and you have estimated about how much more you need. If you haven't figured out the cost of all of the expenses, surf the net for transportation costs such as the plane ride, an apartment, new clothes for a job interview, and any money your family or friend might request for you to stay with them or contribute to gas (you can eliminate the gas expense by calculating how much a monthly bus pass will cost) until you get on your feet. Now it's time to start packing. Since you are relocating out of the state, you will want to visit the post office and find out approximately how much it will cost to ship your boxes to your family or friend's home (that is if they say it's okay for your items to be stored in their home, if not maybe you can make arrangements to take them to a storage location as soon as they arrive. This way your boxes won't inconvenience them. You will need to send them out a day or two before you leave the state that way they will be in transit and won't have to stay at your family or friend's house for long.) The smaller the box the cheaper it is to mail. Add the estimated cost to your total of expenses. Be sure you know where you will be going, so that you put the new address in the return address section too. You don't want any of your packages going back to your old address giving your former partner and excuse to continue communicating with you or worse yet taking your belongings.

Job Search

Fourth, you should be updating your resume with the address you are moving to and include the new phone number, preparing cover letters including your new contact information, and sending them out to companies in your industry at your new location. You should also inform whoever you are living with of this so that they will take your phone calls and pass them on to you. Further, ask them to help you look for a job as well. Send them copies of your cover letters and resumes along with a list of additional companies that may still need to be contacted via mail or fax. Add postage and any money you may be willing to pay them to your list of expenses. Once you know that a company is interested in interviewing you, you will need to obtain money from your savings to get to the interview. Some companies will want to interview you a second time. If so, you may want to try to get around the second interview because it will cost you additional money if you haven't left the old residence yet and have left your belongings behind or you can always stay longer between visits. Wait for an offer letter before you book a moving truck, reserve plane tickets, or sign a lease. Being over anxious will cost you money every time, so be wise!

Apartment Search

Fifth, if you don't want to overstay your welcome with family, then start looking for an apartment now. You can do this by visiting sites that will give you a walking tour of vacant apartments online and floor plans. To be sure that you won't be disappointed with the apartment you may be moving into soon after you have relocated, have a family member or friend visit these apartments for you. Once you have decided on one, take the money you have saved and put money down on the apartment to hold it. Most property management companies will hold an apartment with money on it for as little as 48 hours while some private owners will hold an apartment, if you have agreed upon a payment plan, as long as you keep paying on it until you are ready to move in which is no longer than 30 days. Some will expect you to move in with the security deposit, first and second month's rent within 15 days or less, so ask in advance before you pay for application fees or put money down, "How long will your company hold an apartment with or without money? How much will I need to put down?" There are many who will not return your money once you have given them a move-in date and signed an agreement.

Lease, Utilities & other paperwork

Sixth, be sure to remove your name and his name off of every legal binding document. From the insurance papers to the lease, leave no stone unturned. Make phone calls, send emails, and write notes to confirm. The last things you want to do is leave the relationship and find later a letter in the mail requesting your court appearance. Whatever you can’t complete by the time you leave, document, take a photograph, or have some type of proof even if you have to give him a letter with your finger print on it at the last minute promising to complete, fix, pay for whatever has been left unresolved. However, remember if you don’t keep your word that letter will come back and bite you. Be sure you are specific on what you paid already with copies of the check and money orders and include anything you gave him before you left (food, furniture, TV, etc.) Ask him for his signature which proves he agreed to the details of the letter.

Complete All Tasks

Lastly, set a deadline for yourself to complete all tasks including: when you will return any items that don't belong to you but to your partner, when to pay your portion of any bills you agreed to pay, and most of all doing any cleaning or repairs you may need to make. At this stage of the break up, the only information you should be sharing with your former partner is when "I will be moving..." and where "I will be leaving the key..." Avoid being tempted to give them details about your new job, new residence, new phone number and any other information that he can use to keep in touch with you. Now if you have children you should give them contact information if you or children are not at risk of being harmed, but you should avoid giving them any personal details about yourself. Let's say you tell yourself, "Well I should let him know where I will be staying in case a bill shows up at the house, or maybe I might forget something, then he could send it to me." Most likely he won’t care to remember, because he isn't interested in you anymore. Rely on the post office change of address form to send your mail to you. If you fill out the card at least two weeks prior to your move, you will be able to see that your mail stops being delivered. As for the thing you might have forgotten, most couples who no longer like one another will toss personal items in the trash, give them away, or sell them. They reason, "He won't need this." They may even use those items to try to lure you back in during their time of loneliness, don't fall for it. Most heart-breakers are just lonely, not in love. They usually start back to their old ways soon after make-up sex while still not being interested in you.

So what happens after your partner sees you are taking all of these steps to move? If he sincerely doesn’t love you and feels like you provide no added benefit to the relationship, he won’t be difficult. However, if there is still some feeling he has for you, he may act negatively about your actions and will bring up the past. Notice some key phrases like, “I still care about you. I want what’s best for you. Do you need help with that? I can drive…Would you like me to mail that…?” Remember he may be trying to avoid conflict by being cooperative, so don’t misunderstand his actions by thinking “he still loves me.” If he sincerely did, you wouldn’t be moving you would be planning your wedding.

By Nicholl McGuire

Men: When Single Women Say Most of My Friends Are Men

At one time I use to hear this often especially during high school years, “I don’t have many female friends, most of my friends are boys.” I didn’t think much of this statement back then because I use to be one of those girls who would say the same thing. I found that I had more male friends as a girl because there were certain attributes about me that boys liked more, so of course they would want to get to know me. Back then girls were jealous just like they are today of the same things such as: hair, body weight, skin tone, popularity, intelligence, and associations. If you were the one who was jealous of your share of females back in the day, then you may have been more likely to build friendships with boys because it was less threatening. If you were the one who was the victim of jealousy, then you leaned toward male friendships, because you didn’t trust females. However, sometimes there were girls who just had problems with other girls and their issues were deeply rooted as a result of what their mothers and other female relatives did to them as a child. It is unfortunate, but even now years later; some girls who are now grown women are reminded of their unresolved issues of the past so when they see their high school and college alum they continue to spread their venom of insecurities.


Once I became a woman, I gradually learned (and am still learning) that a discerning spirit is a must when it comes to stating who is really a friend whether male or female. Believers know about a discerning spirit and why it is so important to have one. This discerning spirit I speak of is a gift that helps you to identify whether a person is a friend or foe without any special training or education. It is an innate ability, a spiritual gift from God. Some of these so-called male friends back in the day were really just standing by hoping that one day they could be the next lover in a girl’s life anyway. I started thinking deeply about this statement of “not having many female friends” that I used to make (which now wouldn’t be true) and hear others still saying. It speaks volumes about you and your experiences and it also sends a loud warning to other women (and men), “She has issues, keep this woman at a distance!”

You see, a woman who says that she can’t get along with her own gender is like a black person saying that he can’t stand his or her own people so he moves far out into predominately white areas, marries someone outside of his race for reasons that have nothing to do with love, and disowns his own family, because he “just can’t stand black folks!” Surely, not everyone that you have encountered is bad whether black, white, female, male, rich, or poor. But these conversations go on behind closed doors, when you and I aren’t within earshot.

So here you are seated in front of a woman who says, “I don’t have many or no female friends.” As you get to know her, you learn a thing or two. She has a poor relationship with her mother or other female relatives in the family. She isn’t happy with who she is as a woman and often is very critical of herself and other women. She tells you how she can’t stand women! When the truth of the matter is that if you interviewed the women who she has had disagreements with, they will tell you the truth. Maybe she is a liar, disrespectful of another woman’s relationship, promiscuous, a religious freak, argumentative, easily offended, etc. I personally found that in the past my personal issue with women stemmed from listening to older women in my family warning us that most women could not be trusted. The sad truth was that their fathers and other male relatives told them that about women so that they couldn’t build a relationship with one another to find out anything about their lying, cheating husbands. What better way to keep women disconnected from one another is to tear them down and pit them against one another! Some men would tell their wives just to hide their infidelities, “I told you women can’t be trusted!”

This title of “friend” on sites like Facebook and MySpace is loosely used, because the way I see it my true friends are those who understand me even during those times when my smile is turned upside down! And lately God has been blessing me with relationships that don’t require much, a phone call here or there and an outing once in awhile (a time for just us friends not errand running, babysitting, husband watching, and party going types of visiting either!) and that’s alright with me! So I have women friends and I love them and I am no longer one of those women who say, “I don’t have many women friends or I just don’t trust females…” For every woman who has been wounded by another woman, I say, woman up (like man up)! Don’t let one rotten apple spoil the batch!

By Nicholl McGuire

Social Networking Harassment

It may not have happened to you, but it can, social networking harassment. One day you are busily writing emails to people in your network and then suddenly without warning someone sends you a hateful email about something you may have posted in a forum, on a bulletin, or passed around in a note. You acknowledge their concern in a way they aren’t too happy about. They respond with a few expletives and insults trying to make you just as angry if not more than they are. You dismiss their email as childish and send another. This keeps going on until you put an end to it on your end, but this person wants to keep going. They blast your friend list with insults about you, they accuse you of being something you are not, and they may even create a group against you. This type of behavior is social networking harassment. So how do you know what signs to look out for and what can you do if this person wants to keep going on and on with their tirade?


If you are sending and receiving negative email on a consistent basis from someone then that is considered harassment. If you are the sender, you may want to stop while you are ahead. If the person you are sending the email to does something to themselves or to someone else as a result of the email you are sending them, you may be at fault.

If you (or the person who is harassing you) is attempting to rally up support to hurt this person maliciously by creating a group or doing other things such as blatantly lying or name calling, you could be sued for defamation of character.

There are some people who will send false complaints to tech support about the individual or group as a way to get their account suspended. This could backfire if you are the guilty party. However, if the concerns are legitimate they will be investigated and the person could be removed from the system.

Past images of nudity, lewd behavior, and other things you may have done can come back to haunt you. Most social networking sites will not allow graphic photos so you can contact the tech support asking that the photo be removed. However, if it isn’t bad enough to break the social networking site’s rules, then you will have to ask the person who posted it to remove it or get legal representation to help.

There isn’t much you can do if a person purposely embarrasses or belittles you like calling you out on a message board or puts your name in capitals on their profile page, but if what they are saying is bad enough to break the policies of the social networking site then you can ask tech support to get involved.

Some social networking sites can’t keep all hackers out of your account, so with that said, you will need to avoid putting anything on your site that could potentially hurt you in the long term.

Also, keep in mind that if anyone should threaten to do bodily harm to you or those that you know or if you should threaten him or her, the police will treat a threat the same way as if you said it to a person’s face. Contact the authorities in your harasser’s hometown and make copies of what they posted on their site and the emails that they sent you.

By Nicholl McGuire

Social Networking Reigning Havoc on Your Relationship?

Not everyone feels secure about networking with others via the Internet and may experience some resentment about using this kind of communication to maintain relationships. There are insecurities one feels about social networking especially if it’s all new to you. Feelings of guilt because someone may have flirted with you online, stress because members in your house don’t respect the time you spend on the computer and dissatisfaction because social networking may not fulfill your needs. Meanwhile, your partner is feeling insecure about the time you are spending online and what kind of relationships you are having with these mysterious people as well. So what are some of these insecurities that couples have when it comes to social networking via the Internet?


One. Your partner often feels the need to look over your shoulder and vice versa.

While you are innocently looking at various web pages of your friends, you or your partner may be looking over your shoulder watching your every move when you think he or she isn’t looking. When you write an email to one of your friends, your partner may be looking to see what you wrote. You may be doing the same to him or her as well.

You can ease this particular insecurity by asking them, “Would you like to read what I just wrote? When you like to view the page I just saw? If you think I am doing something wrong just tell me.”

Two. Your partner searches the sites that you visited when you aren’t around.

Curiosity kills the cat. Sometimes the page that you or your partner may have visited is not necessarily the page that either of you wanted. You both may become upset with one another over a website that neither of you meant to click on much less has an account with, but because of relationship insecurities you accuse one another of doing something that neither did on purpose.

You can help one another overcome this insecurity by letting one another know you don’t look at any sites that disrespect the boundaries of the relationship and at times sites will come up that you didn’t want nor were you interested. You might want to ask them to not check what sites you visit when you are away and if they continue to do so, you will not allow your history to be recorded.

Three. Your partner visited sites that would help him or her hack your password.

If you have been acting in ways that are dishonest, your partner will not hesitate to get into your account to see that what you are saying matches with what you are doing.

You can avoid this if you simply tell the truth and answer your partner every time he or she asks you a question without getting offended.

Four. Your partner connects with friends of yours as a way to keep an eye on what you are doing.

You know that your partner barely knows the people that you know, but how else are they going to be able to see what you are posting on wall posts, bulletins, and uploading to your site, if you are not showing them your profile pages?

If you don’t want them to befriend people you know then don’t make your profile page visible in a search. Of course, he or she will feel you are hiding something, but just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have to share your friends too. Express how you feel about his or her actions. They may be suffocating you like an overbearing parent. Tell them you feel like they are treating you like a child.

Five. Your partner avoids meeting his or her connections in person for fear that they might want to develop a relationship with you as well.

He or she suspects that you might be getting a little too close for comfort with people on your friend list because they might be doing or saying something that they feel guilty about, so they don’t want their friends to come around you.

You may want to find out exactly why your partner may have never bothered to bring his or her friends around you. It may make him or her feel better if you brought your mate along to an engagement where some of your social networking friends are present and vice versa.

Six. Your partner becomes easily angered when you share stories about the people you met online.

If you mention one too many times about someone you have been chatting with online and this person is better looking and has more to offer than your partner than you are setting yourself up for problems. Better to limit the story telling about one specific person you enjoy talking to, otherwise this gives him or her the impression that you are getting too close with this particular online buddy which may cause feelings of jealousy and resentment especially if you have been spending a lot of time online.

Seven. Your partner fears you may be cheating on them.

The bottom line is that all these insecurities point to one thing the possibility that you may cheat on your partner. If you find that you sincerely want to get to know someone on the Internet, then it’s better to let your partner know you would prefer to be single than to play games with their emotions. Just know that everything online is like those warnings you see noted on your car’s side view mirror and here’s another thought, “The grass is most likely not greener on the other side.”

By Nicholl McGuire