What to Do When You Discover a Date Has Been Lying to You

It can be disheartening when you find out a date has been lying to you about any number of things, what's worse is you have had sex with this person and thought you had an intimate connection, but realize you can't trust him or her.  So what to do when you discover your dating a liar?

1.  You confront him or her on every lie.  Sometimes there are those little white lies and then there are those bigger lies that enter into a relationship.  As much as you want to believe a partner didn't lie about someone or something, when it is proven that he or she did, burying your hand in the sand is the last thing you want to do.  Welcome the warning sign, stay guarded, and always confront the liar on his or her lies.

2.  You remind him or her of your deal breakers.  You will need to remind a lying partner what your deal breakers are and maybe he or she will think twice in the future.  This person may have forgotten what you might have gone through in your last relationship and how his or her repeat performances are drawing out the worst in you.

3.  You do some investigating of your own.  Liars don't just lie about one thing, they have a series of lies about other things and you just might have to do double-check on some past stories he has told you.  Most liars lie because they want to appear like they are good people when they know they aren't.  So he or she will lie about cheating in the past or even now.  This person will claim to always be honest with you when you know it wasn't that long ago when he or she couldn't even tell you where he or she went, how much money was spent, or who the individual was talking to on the phone.

4.  Think about why he or she might be lying.  Much of this lying with dates occurs because for years it was acceptable by others.  The liar may have been influenced by his or her lying relatives who did it out of fear, personal gain, freedom, etc. Could you be doing or saying something that makes this person feel unsafe to tell the truth?  Liars don't just lie to partners, but to bosses, co-workers and family members.  

5.  You think deeply whether or not you want this person in your life.  Whatever the background of the liar, the point is you will need to let this person know how you feel about his or her lying.  There is no arguing about what this individual has said, but the focus should be on telling you the truth.  For every lie told, have some consequences like: no visiting you, take a time out from talking, no intimacy, or no dating ever again.  Like a child, a liar has to learn the hard way that making things up, exaggerating, leaving details out, remaining quiet when he or she should be speaking up, or making false assumptions is unacceptable.  Being clear about your standards will keep some lying men and women away.  If you should make things comfortable for a liar, he or she will keep behaving that way.  Some men and women simply can't help themselves, and if this is the case, strongly reconsider dating them.

Life is stressful enough and when you know you don't have the patience to deal with a liar, consider a future without him or her.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet,Privately Cruel Abusive Men, She's Crazy, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, and other books.