Family and Friends: Just How Important are They to a Date?
Some will talk of how much they love
and appreciate their family and friends, while others will express
little, if any, emotion about their so-called loved ones. The truth
is not everyone likes or loves their kin. Therefore, if you’re
single and dating, expect it.
When dating someone, who mentions one
or a few relatives quite often in negative ways. Think about just how
much influence the loved ones has over this person and how much time
he or she spends listening and doing what these people say. There is
a good possibility that the date is quite close to his or her
relatives even if this person might be angry at times when talking
about them. Now if a date doesn’t tell you too much about his or
her family, then most likely they don’t find much worth telling,
because they may be boring, busy, or bad. You will need to listen
and learn just how strong or weak is one's family connection.
Not everyone who claims something is
wrong with their family is as bad as they would want you to believe.
Some daters are liars, exaggerators, look for pity, and have a
variety of personality disorders. You won’t know the severity of
the family issues until you get the other side’s version. Compare
what you know from a partner with what you learned from them and you
will find the following: whether or not your date is a manipulator, if he or she is really such a nice, outgoing or friendly person, and if you
can tolerate the date and relatives if they are quite negative with
one another.
Too much talking about family and
friends isn't good particularly when one is not that close to his or her family--the conversations can be quite overwhelming, emotional, redundant, boring, and crazy. If you should correct, warn, or say something unflattering about a date's relatives, you just might find yourself in a verbal battle. In addition, it is usually a bad sign the date has not
matured yet emotionally and still very much needs his or her family’s
support on many things.
If you should notice the cell phone is often
buzzing, an email inbox is flooded with mail from relatives, and
every time there is a family gathering your date is expected to
attend, you will have to determine whether you can endure so much
family involvement. You might be able to handle it if your family is
equally involved in your life. But if you are not use to this sort
of thing, it will begin to grate on your nerves. You will think,
“Does he/she ever do anything without his or her family?” The
longer you stay in the relationship with the date, the more tempted
you will be to want to keep this person away from his or her family
on most occasions. This will cause arguments.
Establishing family boundaries is one
good way of keeping one’s intimate business private. You never
want to share so much about your date and what you like or don’t
like about him or her as well as activities you do together with
family members. There will be those who will not like your date or
you.
Family can be bias and don’t always have your best interests
in mind. If you notice a date is often defending the relationship,
it would be a good idea to communicate your concerns and establish some boundaries. Look for ways to problem
solve while protecting what might turn into a future marriage.
The more you and your date discover about
family members early on, the less likely you will argue about them
later as your partnership matures.
Nicholl McGuire
Twitter @nicholl mcguire
email nichollmcguire@gmail.com
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